


To the boys who loved me

by GeomEunSaeg



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Everyone loves Jeonghan, Flashbacks, Fluffy, Friends to Lovers, I am trying very hard to come up with romantic scenarios as a single potato, Jeonghan is oblivious, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, OT13 - Freeform, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Rejection, Unrequited Crush, everyone is same age except the maknae line, jeonghan can be a little dumb, poor seungcheol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 65,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25936930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeomEunSaeg/pseuds/GeomEunSaeg
Summary: As cliché as it might sound, Jeonghan got a love letter on Valentine’s day.And he knows that the sender was probably one of his friends. Jeonghan is dead set on finding out who this secret admirer is, and along the way, uncover the bittersweet (but mostly sweet) stories of his high school days. Turns out, the secret admirer in question was not as difficult to find as he believed it to be.UPDATED WEEKLY
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Boo Seungkwan/Yoon Jeonghan, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 44
Kudos: 197





	1. Jeonghan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reading through my old messages and came across a long confession message someone wrote to me years ago. It was cute (I rejected him because he was an ass), but then I thought, Jeonghan deserves a love letter too. So here I am making him go on a wild goose chase for his admirer because i felt it would be cool as a story. Enjoy!

As cliche as it might sound, Jeonghan got a love letter on Valentine’s day.

He woke up today more worried about an annoying project he had due the next week, muttering about how if he had more competent cohort mates, he wouldn’t have had to stay up these past few nights churning out a presentation for his marketing course. He had overslept his alarm and was desperately trying to wear his shoes quickly, but his heel refused to go into his shoe. He ended up running down eight flights of stairs with his right shoe dangling from his feet like slippers and sprinting across the campus track to get to the lecture hall. If Seungcheol hadn’t managed to save him his usual spot, he would have definitely been more pissed off that day.

After another series of unfortunate events (getting called on by the professor for a question his mushy brain couldn’t process at nine in the morning, ramming his head right into the glass doors of the library right as it closed on him, being served half cooked chicken at the fast food store where he angrily needed dinner), Jeonghan was all prepared to head back to the dorm, slam his head into his pillow and sleep it off till tomorrow afternoon (tomorrow being saturday). But then he remembered he ordered a new mouse that arrived in the mail. So instead of heading towards the lift, he made a quick detour to the rows of mailboxes that sat next to the emergency stairways. 

05-24…

05-25…

05-26!

He fished out his key from his pocket and unlocked the mailbox. Sure enough, his package was sitting there. But he noticed a flat piece of paper underneath it. Taking them out, he held the box under his arm and proceeded to inspect the letter he got as he made his way to the lift.

It was a simple brown envelope with his dorm room address hand written on the front. There was even a cute little purple rose stamp on the corner, which Jeonghan took a mental note to cut it out and place it in his clear phone cover, where a pressed lilac was already there.

As the lift door opens, he walked in and began ripping open the envelope. In it was a folded piece of writing paper with a school logo on it. Pledis High School. That immediately peaked Jeonghan’s interest. Whoever sent this must have been from his alma mater. A junior from his soccer club? A senior? Or maybe someone from his year, his class? As the lift door opens, he hurriedly ran to his room, which was only a few doors away, threw open the door and dropped his bag on the floor as he closed the door behind him and headed to his bed. The folded paper was still gripped in his hand. The mouse he ordered was left unattended by his feet.

Tenderly, Jeonghan opened the piece of paper. He entirely did not expect its contents.

_Jeonghan,_

_You know what, screw this, I'll just say it right here and right now. I really don't know how to start as I have too much to say and I have been thinking about this for quite some time. Some time being 4 years._

_I like you._

_Ever since we first met, I felt this weird feeling that I didn’t really know how to explain. I thought I just wanted to be your friend, but apparently not. I will be honest, I liked you for your long hair. I know you cut your hair long ago, but well, it isn’t just your hair. ITS YOU. (I am messing this up, aren’t I?) You are very kind and loving and have a big heart, even though you don't express it obviously to others. I slowly started liking everything about you when I got to know you more. From the fact that you would tell the teacher that you needed to use the toilet every morning just so that you could sleep in a cubicle for a little while, to the way your face brightens when you tease someone._

_I am really sorry for keeping it a secret and leaving you in the dark for so long. I really wanted to tell you this for a long time but I'm just really really afraid that I will lose you and all that we have up until now and everything. All the times I spent with you these three years were my happiest moments, from going to class with you, talking to you, eating together with you, to hanging out with you and listening to you talk. You may not think of it as something extraordinary but for me it's something that I will never ever forget and I will always remember your cute smiles and reactions towards whatever I said. You deserve all the best things in the universe, but I know I can never give you that… I need to learn to accept that I have been chasing the achievable for too long and I need to let go_

I love you Jeonghan... I always have from afar even though you may not realise it. I am sorry I could only tell you this way, but I wish you every happiness...

That…

Was the cheesiest love letter he ever got.

Jeonghan groaned and laid down on his bed.

So... he just got confessed to.

By mail no less.

In a handwritten letter with the most meticulous handwriting he had seen in years. And it was cheesy. If not for the exhausting day he had, he would have had a more interesting reaction to this. 

He shoved the paper between a pile of books and laid back down on his bed.

How could this day get any worse…

~

“Hannie, please eat something more than a bite of strawberry shortcake...”

“I said I wasn’t hungry!”

Jeonghan snapped at Seungcheol as he continued to busily type on his laptop while a small fork hung from his mouth. The two had decided to meet up at the cafe on campus to eat their lunch and do their work together, but it became obvious that the overworked half of the duo was not going to eat anything and the older had bought him a cake in efforts to get some food in him.

“You’ve got to stop hard carrying this project. It’s a four-person presentation! At least try to call them to get them to start working on something.”

“I tried. They said they will work on it on Wednesday and look where that got me. Besides, I could just give the professor proof that I did the whole thing myself and get the credits.”

Knowing very well he couldn’t stop Jeonghan no matter how hard he tried, Seungcheol went back to reading his lecture notes and drinking the milk tea he bought, pestering the busy college student to take a bite every now and then.

After about an hour, Jeonghan finally had enough of his work and grabbed the fork to eat the shortcake. His other hand reached into his pocket for his phone, which he quickly tapped on the Instagram logo and began scrolling mindlessly through the posts. At that moment, Seungcheol looked up at Jeonghan and his eyes fell from his face to the phone he held in his hand.

“Jeonghan, what’s that on your phone case?”

Jeonghan, startled, looked up at Seungcheol with a questioning look and looked down as he turned his phone around.

Ah, he must be talking about the stamp.

“I got some love letter yesterday with his stamp. I liked the purple rose on it so I kept it.”

Seungcheol lifted one eyebrow at the reply.

“Love letter?”

Jeonghan placed his fork down and went on to explain how he got that letter. How someone wrote the cheesiest confession message to him on their high school writing paper. How he was too tired to think deeper into the letter and just left it in his room. Seungcheol listened closely, but Jeonghan could tell that something was on his mind.

“You said that the letter was written on our school’s paper? Could it be… someone from our class? Based on what you said they wrote…”

What Seungcheol said made sense. The confessor seemed to know him well and hanged around him long enough to say all the things he wrote. But for three years… Jeonghan did not hang out much with his cohort mates in the choir since none of them stayed throughout the three years of school except for him. The seniors all left before him (duh) and the juniors only knew him for at most two years. This left him with his class, since he rarely hung out with people from other classes. But with the rotation system that forces them to change classes every year, there were only a small group of people who stayed with him throughout the three years…

“Could it be someone from our group?” 

Seungcheol went silent for a while. 

“It’s the most plausible choice, I guess.”

Jeonghan’s mind was flooded with all the possibilities. His group of friends. His second family. Someone like him. If the fact that they had been hiding this for years did not make his heart race with exhilaration, then the fact that he missed out on a potential relationship made him a little sad. He loved all his 12 friends dearly. The thought of having made one of them feel this way, unreciprocated for four years, weighed heavy on his mind.

But most of all, Jeonghan was excited. Someone liked him. He had never been in a proper relationship before, and this person just served him his chance to do so on a silver platter. Jeonghan wanted to try. If anything, he wanted very much to know.

Who was this secret admirer?


	2. Seungkwan pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan has found his first suspect/kill target, you never know:)

Their small (but actually quite large) group of friends was often dubbed ‘Seventeen’ by their acquaintances and cohort mates alike. None of them really knew why everyone liked to them that, even when they hung out in smaller groups or studied alone, but after a while, the nickname for their unofficial family stuck with them till this day.

And funny enough, the nickname made sense of sorts. They were all 17 when they first met each other during the school’s orientation days. That is, if you excluded the ages of the resident geniuses, Seungkwan, Hansol and Chan, who skipped a year back in middle school for passing some ‘gifted education’ that Hansol claimed ‘he did not know existed until the day of the test”. They were also the only ones who stayed back in their classroom 1-7 after lessons finished, be it to complete homework, play a few games on their computer or fool around with the others. And if you counted their pets into the group, the four adorable puppies that were often the reason you would see Jeonghan swooning into his phone, that made it seventeen members.

What are the odds of that, huh?

According to Mingyu, who frequently went back to their old school to pay their teachers a visit, they were some sort of legend there. He once overheard some of the hoobaes talking about how club activities and school events will never be the same again with Seventeen to hype the school. Everyone took it as a compliment: It felt good to know that they had made a lasting impact on people, in a positive way too.

Jeonghan never doubted his friends and his own popularity. He just never expected them to be that popular among the students. He felt like some sort of celebrity reading Mingyu’s recounts of the student gossips and their slightly inaccurate stories of their adventures there.

But come to think of it, they weren’t really anything extraordinary. They were like every other student in Pledis High School.

Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Mingyu and Hansol were all part of the school’s basketball team (Hansol was not allowed to compete for a year because he was too young, which was ‘a huge loss on the instructor's part’ as he would say) While they were not the captain, vice-captain or star players of the team, they held an incredible amount of chemistry between themselves. Whenever friendly matches were held, their passes and movements were swift and agile, almost like they were dancing in sync. They were the best at the sports, but they had their own fun, and their spirit was rather infectious.

Jeonghan was part of the school’s choir. He didn’t think he would have ended up in there before he came to Pledis. He had his mind set on one of the sports clubs, like soccer or volleyball, but after three day of Seokmin begging into his ear and a very convincing plead from Joshua (“Please, Jeonghan. I don’t want to be a single parent of three whiny kids.” “Poor thing, that just made me want to stay out of choir even more.” “Well then, I guess I’ll just have to appreciate the very hot vocal coach alone to make up for my single ass.” “Hold up.”) he finally joined. Together with Seungkwan and Joshua, they made up the male tenor. The school choir never once won an award in national competitions, but they made up with dazzling performances at small events they were invited to and in the school’s Art Showcase Week. The truth was, these performances made the choir well-loved among the student population, but Jeonghan couldn’t pinpoint if that was one reason their group of friends were popular.

Speaking of the Art Showcase Week, there was the crowd favourite, MoonWalker. The four-member dance group, consisting of Soonyoung, Junhui, Minghao and Chan. They did not join any clubs, so they would sometimes meet up at the empty skate park near the school to learn the dances to the latest pop songs and upload their covers to their YouTube channel. Every year during the Art Showcase, their six minute medley dance would always be the highlight of the week. That was probably why in their final year, they were invited to do two shows, one for the opening and one for the finale (Soonyoung agreed before the student council president could finish. That year’s showcase, with the choir’s rendition of Eyes, Nose, Lips (Seokmin managed a solo), was recorded and uploaded onto Mingyu’s YouTube Channel.

They were just very normal kids with varying passions. Somehow, that made every time they hang out together unforgettable and fun.

Jeonghan would not trade anything for those memories.

Now graduated, the group was scattered but not really gone. It would be impossible to break up their family - they all just had their own paths after Pledis. Of course, Seungcheol and Jeonghan ended up in Hanyang. Jihoon and Hansol both went into some renowned arts academy for music production and are doing well. Soonyoung, Jun and Minghao opened a small dance studio recently, after pooling money and working their ass off after the last exams. Chan would often visit the studio to practice dances or simply to sit around to study his Korean History course notes. Mingyu, Wonwoo, Joshua, Seokmin and Seungkwan all decided to take up business or economics at Hongik, which is the reason why all of them would meet up at Hongdae on the weekends (it was suggested by Jun, who, as Jeonghan suspected, also wanted to show off a few dances and promote their studio… and it’s working).

To think that someone in this close-knit group of friends had a crush on him sounded almost absurd, but as Jeonghan sat by his study table, clinging the love letter to his chest, he was tempted to fantasize a little. He had never gave relationships a serious thought. Not recently that is. 

Romance, dating and love: they felt so foreign to him now after so long. There was no longer a glass TV screen placed or pages of a webtoon or manhwa in front of him. He can actually hold their hand, hear their sweet whispers directed at him, and even…

Jeonghan squealed at the possibility, almost blushing. (He should stop watching the shows Seungcheol recommended.) Yet, as much as he would like to keep dreaming, he knew otherwise. Relationships were hard work and…

_“You don’t have to talk back every time you know?”_

_Jeonghan turned to face the speaker. Her face was a blur, but he could feel the annoyance dripping out of her every word._

_“I was just teasing you! You are so cute, I can’t help it.”_

_“Well, then try harder. I don’t want to walk around with a barking dog chasing me everywhere.”_

As much as Jeonghan wanted to find out who this person was, deep down he had other intentions.

He wanted to tell them to remain as friends and nothing more.

Romantic fantasies and dreams aside, he knew it was what he had to do.

He did not know what to expect, rejecting someone who liked him, who was also one of his closest friends. He had never been the one to reject someone, ever. So how was he supposed to go about it? Could he let them down gently? Could he even see them afterwards and act the same?

Right now, he dreaded the love letter.

The fluttery feeling in him died down long ago.

~

**Chat group (13)**

**UriBOO:  
HEY GUYS ITS THAT TIME OF THE WEEK AGAIN**

**Hoonie:  
Thanks for the weekly reminder  
Its not like we would forget**

**UriBOO:  
BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE YALL I MISS YOU GUYS**

**Dinobaby:  
Not again**

**Joshuji:  
We miss you too seungkwan**

**Sunshine:  
Yay  
We should go visit that new coffee shop  
PaBo Latte?**

**EightHao:  
What kind of name is that**

**Nonnie:  
PaBo as in… Idiot?????**

**Sunshine:  
Idk  
But they have this really cool drink I wanna try**

**PrinceHoshi:  
IS IT THE HALF AND HALF DRINK**

**Sunshine:  
YES  
MILK AND COFFEE  
LETS GO**

**AngelHan:  
Omg I heard its really good :D  
But we cant just drink coffee for lunch guys**

**Coups:  
Yeah what are we gonna have tomorrow?**

**Gyuuu:  
We could just stop by our usual restaurant again  
Its one street away from that coffee shop**

**AngelHan:  
And how do you know this??**

**Gyuuu:  
Wonwoo just googled it  
He is right beside me  
I can see the map**

**Wonu:  
Yep**

**UriBOO:  
Hi wonuuu you finally decided to look at your messages huh**

**Wonu:  
Oops**

**UriBOO:  
Don’t oops me sir  
You still haven’t done your part for the assignment yet**

**Wonu:  
Im working on it right now**

**UriBOO:  
Then why are you with mingyu at the cafe drinking grape juice without your computer**

**Wonu:  
Shit**

**HuiHui:  
ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ**

**Dinobaby:  
Lmao**

**Coups:  
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**

**Eighthao:  
Busted**

**Joshuji:  
Oh damn  
Wonu:  
I guess I have to do work now**

**UriBOO:  
No shit sherlock  
AND YOU KIM MINGYU  
STOP STEALING WONWOO**

**Gyuuu:  
But I wan wonu too**

**Hoonie:  
For the love of god, leave your gushing out of this  
Unless you want to get whacked by my guitar again**

**Gyuuu:  
...**

**AngelHan:  
Woozi ah, don’t bully Mingyu  
And Seungkwan, you could have just asked him nicely?**

**UriBOO:  
But Hannieeeeeee  
The assignment is due next weekkkk  
I dont want to faillll**

**AngelHan:  
Aigoo  
My kwannie is stressed out :(  
I’ll buy you the latte tmr okay?**

**UriBOO:  
JEONGHANNIE IS THE BEST**

**PrinceHoshi:  
Hey I want a free drink too**

**HuiHui:  
Same  
My wallet is empty  
Can you buy me the latte too?**

**AngelHan:  
Don’t you hate coffee?**

**HuiHui:  
Doesn’t mean I don’t want a free drink**

**Dinobaby:  
Am I not your baby anymore? ㅠㅠㅠ**

**UriBOO:  
Jeonghan is mine back off  
I love him more than you ungrateful shit**

**Dinobaby:  
HEY  
It was one time, and I paid you back afterwards**

**UriBOO:  
After a year!**

**Coups:  
Let’s not start another fight yah  
I don’t want to have to get you out of trouble again**

**Dinobaby:  
Sorry hyung**

**UriBOO:  
Even if I did get into trouble...  
Jeonghannie will protect me right?  
No one can ever match up to him**

**Nonnie:  
You can beat him in armwrestling kwannie**

**EightHao:  
Even I can beat him armwrestling**

**AngelHan:  
Hey!**

**UriBOO:  
** Don’t insult my favorite hyung like that  
FACE ME OR DIE 

Jeonghan stares at the string of messages on his phone.

Every moment with Seventeen has already been exciting. Even now with Seungkwan furiously defending Jeonghan’s non existent arm strength (According to the younger, he could easily carry Seungcheol and Mingyu with his arms, which sounded ridiculous), he felt so happy to read the funny messages that kept spamming the chat group. He wished that he could go back to the old days, back when they were seated at various tables in their drab classroom giggling at the unsuspecting post-it note stuck onto the teacher’s back...

_“Jeonghannie is the best!”_

_“Hyung! Look at me!”_

_“HAHAHA, Jeonghan hyung is so cool!”_

_“Please join Choir with me, Hyung. I’ll be so lonely without you!”_

_“Hyung has the best voice hands down!”_

Now that he thought about it more clearly, Seungkwan had always stuck to him like glue in their three years of high school. If he wasn’t hanging out with Hansol or playing with Seokmin and Soonyoung, he was usually with him, telling him about everything. He would ask him to practice pieces with him, accompany him to the vending machine to buy drink…

...

Oh my god.

What if it’s Seungkwan?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I am guilty of being cliche and making the hiphop team basketballers, but let's admit it we are not over their looks in Mansae. And hannie does not want to accept the confession now?? Please dont hate on the nameless girl i needed an extra so here she is. Anyways, seungkwan is adorable, hope he gets better soon! In the meantime, ill have the next few chapter to dedicate my love to kwannie :)


	3. Seungkwan pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan recalls fond memories of his time with Seungkwan

_“Hyung! Run faster! Oh my god!”_

_“Don’t ‘Oh my god’ me Seungkwan! You were the one who wanted to buy that Iced Americano!”_

_“There was an offer!”_

_The two choir boys raced through the corridors with their haversacks slung across one shoulder. If not for the fact that it was a Saturday rehearsal and that the school was practically empty except for the basketball club who had been stuck at training since 8am, they wouldn’t have made it to the music room just before the conductor. Bowing their heads, Jeonghan could feel the young vocal coach look at the half empty Starbucks cup in Seungkwan’s hands and the ‘head shaking of disappointed but not surprised’, as Jihoon had called it, that came afterwards._

_Jeonghan rushed to place his bag together with the others at the back of the room before joining Seokmin, Joshua and Jihoon near the centre of the group. He was about to flip through his file to find the pieces they were practicing when he noticed the blue-white slippers that Jihoon was wearing. Seungkwan, who took his place next to in front of Jeonghan and next to Jihoon, seemed to have noticed this detail too, because his out-of-breath look was soon replaced with something between the lines of disgust and annoyance._

_“Hyung, I know you live like five minutes away from school, but that doesn’t justify wearing your house slippers to school.”_

_“This is my going-out slippers now. I got a new pair to wear at home.”_

_“But you still don’t come to rehearsals in those! And, you don’t wear socks with slippers. That’s ugly.”_

_“It’s comfy. Fuck you.”_

_“At least it isn’t as basic as your daily converse sneakers and Starbucks combo…”_

_“Take that back, Seokmin!”_

_Jeonghan held back a laugh. His friends were so cute when they had these kind of funny arguments._

_Today’s practice was for a charity event that the club was invited to be the opening act. While it was exciting to get such an honorable invitation, the choir had to work twice as hard to deliver an even better quality show. Jonghyun, their vocal coach, had picked out Don’t Listen in Secret, which meant that Seokmin and Seungkwan, the strongest singers in tenor, would cover the solo parts near the chorus. Seokmin’s face almost turned white hearing that he would have to sing seven lines alone, while Seungkwan had almost jumped out of his seat when he was called to sing a solo as well._

_“I am gonna sing a solo, hyung! Can you believe it?!”_

_Jeonghan never doubted his two friends natural talent for singing. They had the most vocal control among the five of them, and a vocal range that Jeonghan could only wish he had (“Your voice is fine, Hannie! It sounds… like an angel!”) If he had to guess who would get the parts, he would have betted his one week allowance on either of the two and he was sure Joshua and Jihoon would do the same. Seokmin just needed a little of Seungkwan’s confidence._

_The time then came for Seungkwan to sing his lines. As the choir softens into a low hum, the brown-haired boy took a practiced step forward with a mic already in his hands. Jonghyun raised his hand and cued him to start, to which he lifted the mic to his lips and started._

_You can listen to sad songs  
And shed tears  
Music is like that_

_You must listen to this song  
Don’t listen and pretend you haven’t  
If you hear my heart  
Can’t you come back to me?_

_Jeonghan could melt listening to his beautiful voice. That kid… The same kid who would bounce happily in his seat when Jeonghan talked about the volleyball game from last night with him. The same kid who awkwardly stuck by Hansol and Chan when they were introduced as scholarship students. The same kid who, together with Seokmin, begged him to join the choir._

_He is truly talented._

~

PaBo Latte really did live up to its name. 

The drink was basically milk and iced coffee placed into two conjoined cups with two straws jutting out. To get the ‘full experience’, you had to drink both at once. Which basically meant that if he had bought a carton of milk and brewed instant coffee and drank them at the same time, he would have saved so much money. 

Yet he bought it. Like an idiot.

And he had even bought two of them, one for himself and one for Seungkwan. 

He felt himself getting shot in his broke college student heart when he took out two clean 10000 won notes and passed them to the grinning girl at the counter.

The whole gang agreed that they really looked like a bunch of idiots as they took large sips from the cups. Hoshi was the first to try and his sparkling eyes convinced an originally hesitant Hansol to take a sip from Seungkwan’s cup. The overall happy response (everyone laughed when Joshua’s eyes widened like saucers as he eagerly drank half the cup in one go) made Jeonghan’s heart flutter. 

Just a few years ago, they held 1400 won milk cartons in their hands as they grumbled about school work in their school uniform. Now, they were all grown up, even though the child-like grins and lively chatter said otherwise.

“Hyung! Try it! It’s really just like latte!”

Jeonghan took a small sip and mentally scolded himself for liking the dumb concoction. Now he is going to crave this despite his thinning wallet.

He keeps his eyes on his friends as they began walking down the street to take a look at the shops. Half the group had already ran into a records shop and from their not-so-quiet mutters, he figured there were some Uhm Jung Hwa records that caught their attention. The few that did not enter the shop, on the other hand... Wonwoo and Mingyu were standing next to the doorway, excitedly talking about something on Wonwoo’s phone. Hansol was laughing at something Seungkwan had said and Seungkwan was reenacting his story with the usual sassy tone in his voice. Seungcheol had stayed back with him, still sipping his PaBo latte. As much as he wanted to discuss the letter with him, Jeonghan did not want to disturb him further with questions. He seemed too deep in thought about something.

The love letter had bothered him to no end for the past few days, resulting in him confiding nearly his every worry to poor Seungcheol who took his every word with an understanding smile. And now that he had narrowed down to one of his precious dongsaengs, he has been dying to ask Seungkwan about it. Just… Any confirmation would give him some comfort (even though he still dreads having to turn him down eventually).

Jeonghan mentally reviewed through what he knew.

He got a letter. A love letter.

Said letter was a confession by someone in his close circle of friends.

Seungkwan was a likely candidate (He had glanced through the letter yesterday. The handwriting had some resemblance to Seungkwan’s based on the foggiest of memories.)

Jeonghan wanted to flail his arms in frustration.

What was he supposed to do now? 

~

_“My… My name is Boo Seungkwan. Im 16 this year. Er…”_

_Class icebreakers were going so slowly. Jeonghan wanted to just take the class attendance and stick it onto everyone’s faces, and his tortured look was clearly enjoyed by Joshua and Seungcheol, who sat next to him on the floor with the entire class in a circle. As much as Jeonghan’s soft heart sympathised with the poor boy, he really could not bear sitting DIRECTLY under the sun rays (he thought the tables would shade him, but the sun rose faster than he would have liked) He kept his gaze on the stuttering boy. The american-looking kid next to him, Hansol, whispered something into his ear and Seungkwan started to speak more clearly._

_“I like to watch volleyball games. And I like Wonder Girls and Girls Generation!”_

_Seungkwan was beaming now that his turn was over. The next kid, Lee Chan, seamlessly talked about his passion for dancing, but Jeonghan, who was now zoned out after baking in the sun for a long time, kept his gaze on the brown-haired student. Seungkwan eventually noticed his stare, and flinched when they locked eyes. The boy, obviously frightened by Jeonghan’s unintentional glare, turned away and started whispering to Hansol, who glanced at him a few times._

_He screwed up two first impressions, huh?_

_…_

_Jeonghan found the two by the vending machine after class one day, chatting among themselves. He walked towards them, placed a few notes into the machine, before collecting three cartons of milk he bought. He was well aware of the two pairs of eyes staring at the back of his head._

_Since that day, Seungkwan had not spoken to him, even though he had made friends with basically the whole class and shared his number with everyone. Hansol had approached him once, to ask him about the homework for the weekend, but that was the only conversation they had in the past two weeks. Occasionally, Jeonghan would catch him staring at him during class or when he was having lunch with the gang (excluding Seungkwan, Hansol and Chan, that is). Whatever misconceptions they had, he wanted to clear it up right now._

_“Hey, try these. I don’t know why, but the strawberry milk from this machine tastes better than anywhere else.”_

_The duo sceptically took the drinks from his hand. As they tried the milk, Seungkwan kept his gaze on Jeonghan. Even as the straw went though the metallic film and was brought to his lips, he just kept looking at him, never breaking eye contact for a single moment. It was like he was analysing every part of his face, digging his soul, and Jeonghan had never felt more nervous in his life over a drink._

_Vernon was the first to break the silence._

_“It’s good. I like it.”_

_Seungkwan took another long sip before asking._

_“What do you want?”_

_“Look. I don’t want you to think I hate you or something. I think we got off on the wrong foot back during orientation but I really wasn’t angry at you or anything! It’s just my resting face. I’m sorry.”_

_Seungkwan gave him a confused look._

_“You thought I was offended at your face?”_

_Jeonghan wanted the ground to break open and suck him into the depths of hell. So much._

_Hansol gave the brown-haired boy an amused look, which the latter returned as well, before the both of them let out a laugh that instantly lifted the huge boulder of worry off Jeonghan’s shoulder._

_“I… Oh my god, Hansol. I can’t believe… AHAHA…”_

_Seungkwan pointed at him with the straw of his drink and continued._

_“If anything, I was worried you wouldn’t like me! You always hanged out with the same people, I didn’t really think I could just waltz in and suddenly become your friend...”_

_Jeonghan gave him a warm smile. He was happy to know that he wasn’t at fault, but at the same time, Seungkwan’s answer made him a little sad. Did he really think that he couldn’t be friends with him just because he already had nine others?_

_“Kwannie… Can I call you that? Just sit with us for lunch tomorrow. Everyone would be glad to meet you. You know Seokmin, right? The one who screamed really loudly when he watched the clown movie in class. You guys will get along fine! And Hansol, join us too. You can keep Kwannie company. Bring Chan if you like as well! That kid sits alone and barely talks to anyone but you two. He needs more friends.”_

_Seungkwan nodded eagerly, now clutching the milk carton tighter in his hands. Jeonghan ruffled the younger’s hair and waved good bye to the two, before turning back to return to class. Seungkwan’s excited squeals was within earshot, and Jeonghan felt his heart leap with joy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I had like 5 tests across 4 days and I couldn't write at all!! But now that I am back, here is a tiny tribute to Don't Listen in Secret because I am angsty like this and also Jonghyun will always be god of vocals :")
> 
> Thank you for reading my story. Writing is my biggest hobby so to be able to write about something I love is really something yeah... Also please excuse any errors I wrote this in 4 hours my eyes are bleeding


	4. Seungkwan pt3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan faces the first trial of his journey to find the secret admirer - a volleyball game live-stream

One thing Jeonghan and Seungkwan had in common, other than Choir, the class and their friends is their love for volleyball. Sure, they played the fast-paced ball game occasionally with Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungcheol and Hansol whenever they were free, but it became harder to meet up when they went into different schools and courses. The two sports fan eventually came up with a system: when volleyball season begins, the two will take turns staying over at each other’s dorms to watch the matches on their comps. 

Right now, the Europe Champions League was on, and Jeonghan was seated in Seungcheol’s car waiting for the other to find his wallet. He offered to drive him there every time no matter how what he said (“You don’t have to, you know. I can take the train there myself.” “It’s all the way across the city. There is no way I am letting you travel that far on your own when you can get lost in a mall.” “Shut up.”) So he was left in the silent car with his own thoughts, his mind already wandering to the love letter. 

Jeonghan knew that kid held an unnatural amount of adoration for him. That kid stuck to him like a baby sloth clinging on to its mother, always finding reasons to hang out with him during breaks, to go out together on weekends, and he couldn’t say no to that cutie. 

But the more he lets himself think about it, the more he sees the small details he had not noticed back then.

Seungkwan treated him quite differently from his other hyungs. While he would take the pleasure in throwing small jibes at Mingyu and Seokmin’s blundering actions or Soonyoung and Jun’s antics, the brown-haired boy had nothing close to an insults for him. He would look at him with such fondness that Joshua would tease him about it regularly.

(“At this rate, Seungcheol and I are gonna be jealous at how much attention you are getting from him!”) 

Jeonghan knew he also treated the boy a little different as well. Call it favouritism, but besides his baby Chan, he coddled the young singer more than he should.

Which leads to the question.

Did Seungkwan like him more than as a hyung? 

Jeonghan was sure he was overthinking it. Seungkwan was sweet in nature and more outgoing than most of them. Him being affectionate was not something unexpected. He gives out hugs frequently and never hesitates to throw words of affection at all their friends. 

But to him, he was shier. His voice would become softer. His eyes would linger on him when they went back to their seats as class begins. He would flinch when Jeonghan pat his back to comfort him when he was stressed out with exams.

Those small acts all pointed at some feeling deeper than respect and friendship.

The car door than opened and Jeonghan feels the car dip to the side a little when Seungcheol sat down on the driver seat. He heard him start the engine, but the car did not move. They just sat there in complete silence with only the low rumble of the car filling the emptiness in the vehicle.

Jeonghan could feel Seungcheol staring at him. He knew his friend probably had his trademark fatherly look of concern he gives to all their friends whenever one of them was hiding something. He just couldn't believe he would be the receiving end of that look. Again.

As he thumbed his phone, slowly drawing circles around the purple rose stamp that was still there, he felt Seungcheol's eyes shift slightly before returning to him.

"Hannie, is there something wrong?"

His voice was so comforting, he was tempted to just spill every thing that had been on his mind these past few days.

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

The strain in his voice instantly stabbed his conscience. 

God, he hated how he could make him talk just like that.

“The letter from last Friday… I think it’s Seungkwan.”

Jeonghan looked up just as Seungcheol hitch his breath. The man said nothing, but kept staring at him like there was something wrong with his face. 

“What makes you say that?”

Jeonghan rubbed the small bump on phone case where the small stamp was.

“It’s just that… Kwannie had always seemed close to me. Too close, in fact. You know how he used to cling onto me alot in school.”

Seungcheol stayed silent. He leaned back into the seat and stared out of the window. Jeonghan could almost hear the cogs of his brain turning maniacally inside him. His grip on the steering wheel tightened before he pulled the car out of the lot and started driving towards the main road.

“Only one way to find out, huh?”

He tilted his head towards him and gave him a reassuring smile. The same smile he had always given him.

And Jeonghan felt his worries float away from the sight of that charming set of teeth.

~~~

Jeonghan wanted to run away, but he was sure he heard Seungcheol’s car speed off down the road and he did not bring his bus card, so he was left standing at Seungkwan’s door. Staring idiotically at the doorbell on his left.

How Seungcheol managed to drive fast enough across town and drop him off before his sense of logic and reasoning could settle back in him was a mystery.

He considered just calling Seungkwan to tell him he had something on and had to skip this match. Maybe even promise him another iced americano the next time they met up if he got whiny about their missed ‘date’.

Then, he heard the click of the door knob being turned.

“Hyung! Why are you standing outside like that? Come in!”

The spritely student flung his dorm door open and padded towards his bed, where a computer sat with a Word document on its screen. 

“I saw a shadow from the gap under the door and I thought it was some creep from the floor below who got drunk again and went to the wrong room. You should have knocked, hyung!”

Jeonghan held his breath as he kicked off his shoes and stepped into the room.

One thing Jeonghan loved about Seungkwan’s dorm was how spectacularly neat and pretty it was. The economics student really should have just gone into design. Interior design to be exact. Despite the small space, there was somehow space for a rack of small potted plants and a bunch of collectable photocards from Wonder Girls and Girls’ Generation framed. A basket of tangerines, which, surprisingly, is always full, sat next to his study desk/dining table.

Every small detail about this plain room screamed Boo Seungkwan, and he hasn’t even looked into his closet yet (What else would there be other than his signature blouses and skinny jeans and a few caps).

Jeonghan dropped his bag next to the door and walked up to his dongsaeng, who had threw his pillows (yes, more than one) against the wall and propped himself there. A half-written report was displayed on the screen of the computer and at a glance, he could tell that the college student had probably given up writing just minutes ago. Jeonghan found a space next to Seungkwan, right in between two pillows, and sat down.

He held his legs to his chest as Seungkwan furiously tapped on his computer to open the live streaming tab. The video was already showing the audience cheering in their seats as the commenters talked about the day’s match. 

As much as he wanted to enjoy this match and watch it peacefully with one of his favourite dongsaeng, Jeonghan’s mind kept wandering back to the letter, to Seungkwan, to the faintest possibility…

_Today, everyone was slightly more energetic than normal. After all, it was Valentine’s Day and to a bunch of 17 year olds, this day was still something worth fussing about. Everyone was busy gossiping about who would get the letters and gifts, who would be asked out, or are going out with their boyfriends or girlfriends. For one day, everyone in the cohort could openly talk about these things and, much to Jeonghan’s cringe, it was honestly amazing how, in their tiny heads, 14 February was some magical 24 hours where drama love would exist and sweep hopeless romantics left and right off their feet._

_Jeonghan was walking towards his locker, which was next to Seungcheol’s and Joshua’s and promptly started fumbling through his bag for the stack of books he intended to dump in the metal space and forget. Seungcheol opened his locker and, with a raised eyebrow, pulled out a messy stack of pink and red envelopes. Many of them had gaudy heart and flower stickers pasted on them and one was even glittery. The confused boy flipped the notes and stared at them like they had been some chinese scriptures._

_“Looks like Cheol is more popular than we thought, huh Shua?”_

_“Yeah, everyone’s got the hots for our Coups! Ahahaha!”_

_Seungcheol began looking through each letter, checking the names, or the lack thereof, on the back of each note._

_“Shut up, you two. You guys didn’t even check your own lockers yet.”_

_The now-blushing Seungcheol glared at his two friends._

_Joshua rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh, but his smile fell the moment his locker door opened and a small pink note fluttered down to his feet. Jeonghan made sure to snap a picture of his friend’s shocked expression as he pulled out a thinner, but still substantial, stack of papers similar to Seungcheol. He could tell Seungcheol was having a blast laughing at the boy in denial._

_“I guess the gentleman Joshua is pretty popular too.”_

_“Yoon Jeonghan, don’t think you are left out of this. I bet you have more than both of us combined.”_

_“Please. While I would happily take that compliment, Shua, I must also inform you that I have a massive break-out and a bruise here from slamming my head straight into the Administration Office door. I mean, who would like this kind of a face?”_

_Jeonghan could feel Seungcheol’s inquisitive gaze as he pulled his locker open, and the taunting cackles from the two as he spotted a pile of notes on top of his Physics notes._

_Just his day._

_“Well, Seungcheol still got the most out of all of us, so he wins. Congrats to the Couparangs!”_

_“What’s that?”_

_“The S.Coups fanclub! And I am the president because I came up with the name. Those girls can fight for the title all they want but I’ll still beat their ass!”_

_Seungcheol gave a small laugh and shoved the notes in his bag. Jeonghan looked down at his own stack and started checking for names._

_Most of them came from the Choir and his own class. He was surprised that Soyeon, a debate club student, had written him something too. He was going to throw the letters back into his locker when he spotted something. There was a simple white note folded among them, and while the letter had been a simple ‘You are so pretty. I like you a lot.’, he found the handwriting very familiar. Had he seen it on one of the worksheets he had to collect on behalf of the teacher? Or on the attendance sheet every choir practice? He could not remember._

_He neatened out the letters and placed them on the side before taking out his books._

_From the corner of his eye, he saw Seungkwan scutter away, with Hansol in toll._

“Hyung, what’s that on your phone cover?

“Huh?”

Jeonghan quickly snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Seungkwan, who was pointing towards his phone case. More specifically, the purple rose stamp.

Jeonghan realised he must have been rubbing that bump on his phone case again, but… 

“That stamp looks so pretty! Where did you get it from?”

“You mean you didn’t give me that love letter?”

Seungkwan stared at him like he had been talking gibberish.

“What love letter?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for updating so late :"( I was facing some bad mental health days this whole week and only managed to write something today. Also I will only update once a week now because I have another story as a side project so stay tuned :)
> 
> And I am a sucker for Soyeon fight me.


	5. Seungkwan pt4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was time to reveal the truth.

_Hansol had spotted Seungkwan hiding behind the pillar when the half-american student came back from his water break. His best friend was spying on someone on the court, and he knew too well that it wasn’t any of his teammates. He caught sight of a certain long haired classmate playfully stealing the ball away from their point guard, Seungcheol._

_“What are you looking at, Kwannie?”_

_The brown-haired student jumped at the sudden voice coming from behind him and quickly turned around to look at the perpetrator. Only when he recognised his friend’s face did the shock melt away from his face, replaced with a hint of annoyance as he rolled his eyes at him. Seungkwan slapped his arm and mumbled something about killing him for scaring him, before turning back to resume his activities._

_Hansol laughed at the sight of his love-stricken friend._

_He had known about his crush on Jeonghan since that fateful day during Orientation. His friend had noticed the obviously zoning out classmate staring in his direction during his self-introduction, and, quote, had never seen someone so pretty before. Hansol had to agree with his then-new friend: the student looked absolutely stunning sitting there with his legs crossed and his hand supporting his head. Even though he looked tired, there was a dreamy aura that was so… inviting. And with the sun rays shining onto his long, silky hair and his white uniform, Jeonghan was glowing so beautifully._

_Throughout the icebreakers, Hansol couldn’t help but sneak glances at this classmate, but he also noticed how Seungkwan was acting strangely. The boy was talking to the student next to him, Lee Chan, and had his back turned away from where their pretty classmate was. Every time Hansol wanted to talk to him, he made sure to face him such that he wouldn’t be facing the windows, where Jeonghan was chatting animatedly to the two students next to him._

_There was definitely something going on._

_It was only a few days later when Hansol caught sight of Seungkwan’s phone screen, and saw a picture of Jeonghan staring forward, with one hand holding a pen, and the other sweeping his long bangs behind his ears. Like he was looking at the whiteboard at the front of the class._

_And that was not the only picture. Because when his distracted friend realised the looming presence next to him, he pressed a few wrong buttons, and he spotted a photo album labeled ‘Jeonghannie <3’ that had a double digit next to it._

_The offended expression on Seungkwan’s face just proved his suspicions._

_“So… Jeonghan-hyung eh?”_

_“Shut up, Vernon. I know you check him out sometime too.”_

_When Seungkwan uses his English name, he meant business._

_“Kwannie, there is nothing wrong with having a crush.”_

_“Ya! I know that! It’s just… Jeonghannie is my classmate, how do i even…”_

_“You have a pet name for him now?”_

_“That’s not the issue here!”_

_Hansol knew what plagued his friend’s mind at that moment. After his first encounter with the beautiful student, he honestly felt a little intimidated by him. That one time he went up to ask him about homework, he felt himself disintegrate when he turned to look at him. (“Jeonghan, stop scaring Hansol with your resting bitch face!” “Remind me when I actually get enough sleep, Cheol.”)_

_Seungkwan was naturally shy when it came to making new friends. The only reason why the three of them, including Chan, got along was because they had been in the same accelerated classes for the past 2 years._

_The poor boy definitely did not have the guts to get any closer to his crush than the 3 meter distance between their seats in class._

_Who knew than 2 weeks later, that very person would come up to Seungkwan instead. Hansol could not hear the end of his swooning after the brief talk at the vending machine._

_The basketballer walked back to the court, where Jeonghan was bidding his goodbyes to his classmates. He started walking in the direction of the pillar, probably to get back to class, and Hansol swore he never saw Seungkwan sprint faster in his life._

_Good thing the long-haired student was too engrossed in his phone to see the flit of movement in front of him._

~~~

“So, you are telling me, you got some mysterious love letter in your mailbox with no sender’s name and your first assumption was ‘it must be Hansol’s boyfriend for a year Seungkwan’.”

Jeonghan burrowed his head deeper between his knees and gave a small nod.

Seungkwan’s loud laughs did not help ease him from his embarrassment. 

Because the king of gossip and juicy news, Yoon Jeonghan, completely forgot that his two friends were dating amidst worrying about the letter. 

“If you did not look so serious, I would have thought that this was a huge joke.”

“But it isn’t. Try… an annoying problem that has been bugging me for days. And speaking of joke, you sure this is not from you?”

Jeonghan waved his phone at Seungkwan, who calmly shook his head.

“Hyung, I have a boyfriend. Why would I send something like this when I have a good, solid deal here?”

The older smiled at his dongsaeng’s comment. It was nice to know that the two were going strong despite being in different universities.

“Besides… I already gave you one before…”

“What?”

~~~

_Seungkwan stood in front of locker number 2, a folded white piece of paper in his hands._

_Internally, he was already running around on fire screaming at the sky as he turned to ash and got swept away by wind. He regretted letting Hansol egg him into writing this stupid confession note to Jeonghan. Since when was his goofball friend ever a good advice giver? He could barely choose between Vanilla Latte and Mocha whenever they got drinks (he still ends up getting mocha every time), so what made him the better person to decide whether to confess to their classmate or not?_

_But another part of him wanted this. After spending more time with him during lunch and breaks and joining the same club, Seungkwan could tell that his slight infatuation at the drop-dead gorgeous student was growing more than he would like it to be. Every breathing moment in school seemed like a highlight reel of him and Jeonghan only, nothing else mattered. He is worried that his crush on his friend will start taking a toll on him (not like his deproving grades was any indicator). The whole year had been a huge roller coaster for him and he needed to do something about his feelings before the school holidays began._

_He needed to get it out, take action and just deal with it up front. That’s what Hansol told him. Be brave and face it. The anonymous message was a compromise, after days of refusing to confess face-to-face. But even with his name not on the note, Seungkwan had other worries._

_What if he finds out? What will happen to us? What if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? He can’t lose him like this. He is a great hyung, a great friend..._

_Hansol could tell that his friend was tempted to ditch his efforts last minute. The half-american ripped the notes out of his friend’s hand and shoved it between the gap in the locker._

_Seungkwan turned and looked at him in surprise. Before he could say anything, he was dragged away and to their lockers on the other aisle._

_“Hey!”_

_“Don’t look back, the other girls are here.”_

_Sure enough, when he snuck a few peeks at the area, a small stream of girls started arriving, each holding colourful pieced of paper to be placed into the three lockers there. Some even had more than one to give._

_Seungkwan forced his eyes towards his own things in his locker._

_Of course Jeonghan is popular. He is hot. Not the manly kind like Seungcheol, or the gentleman type like Joshua, but he had the refined looks that could make anyone fall, guys and girls alike. He should have expected the number of people giving him notes on Valentine’s day._

_~_

_“Kwannie, stop. Don’t walk so fast.”_

_The brown haired boy paid no attention to his friend as he raced down the hall._

_He couldn’t believe it. Jeonghan had obviously seen his note. He looked at it longer than the others, yet it gets thrown into the locker like all the others. His handwriting was surely unique enough to be recognised by anyone, a neat and distinctive cursive that no one else could possibly have. Why didn’t he recognise it? He did leave it anonymous and the message was cliche, sure, but now, his mind was washed with a wave of sadness he didn’t know he could feel. The rejection felt too strong, seeing Jeonghan nonchalantly dump his note in a corner to be cleared away later hurt too much…_

_A strong hand caught his wrist and he was dragged down another walkway, which was empty (it was to the Janitor’s closet). Seungkwan glanced up to find Hansol panting, then he realised how out of breath he was. From the running or the huge urge to cry, he could not tell._

_There was a short 10 seconds silence that felt like an hour. Seungkwan did not raise his head, choosing to glare at their shoes, wishing away the tears he knew he didn’t want to show Hansol…_

_A pair of arms wrapped him a warm embrace._

_“Kwannie, just let it out. No one else can see you.”_

_They were late for class that day, but Seungkwan had at least managed to let his eyes cool off._

_He did not talk to Jeonghan that day._

~~~

Jeonghan was surprised, to say the least.

He hadn’t realise Seungkwan’s crush on him at all. For the whole year, he just thought the young student was just being affectionate, like he always was, to everyone in their circle, including himself. There wasn’t much change in behaviour in their second and third year too. Everyone was comfortable enough to show their care and love more outwardly than others, so he treated his advances like a friend would.

“I am so sorry, Seungkwan. I should have known. God, I was stupid.”

“Don’t apologize, hyung. It really isn’t your fault. Crushes just happen and rejection is a part of the cycle, you know.”

_But I hurt you, Seungkwan. I made you cry. I am a terrible person…_

“Jeonghannie, that was all the past."

_He said that out loud, didn't he._

"Me liking you is something I don’t regret. I mean, you were so smart and beautiful and everyone really looked up to you. You are an amazing person, really. And if you think about it, without you, I wouldn’t have gotten closer to Hansol and I wouldn’t be where I am now.”

Jeonghan felt a lump forming in his throat, but chose to give Seungkwan a reassuring smile. The younger seemed satisfied at this response and turned back to the ongoing game still playing on his computer. 

The rest of the hour played out quite peacefully. They cheered when their team scored, complained about how certain moves where bad and overall enjoyed watching the match. The winning team was being announced when a knock on the door could be heard. Seungkwan raised his eyebrow at first, but quickly realised who it was and ran to the door.

Hansol was standing outside with a plastic bag in his hand, wearing a wide smile as his boyfriend greeted him with a tight hug. He kicked off his shoes and waltzed towards the table and settled down the bag. From where he was seated, Jeonghan could already smell the greasy fried chicken that was wrapped in the bag.

“Nonie, you didn’t have to. I was going to get it delivered after the match.”

“But then you will have to wait 30 minutes for the food to arrive, since I know you two would be too engrossed in the game to pick up your phones. You didn’t even read my text that I was coming.”

Seungkwan whipped out his phone to check, and shrugged when he saw the green notifications on his lock screen.

“And who says I can’t visit my Kwannie anytime I want. It’s my rights as Seungkwan’s best boyfriend.”

“Correction. Only boyfriend.”

It was cute to see the couple flirt in front of him, as much as he wanted to gag at how cheesy some of the things they were saying are getting. 

He glanced around and spotted a photo frame on the table, next to the bag of chicken. It was Seungkwan and Hansol in the Pledis graduation coat, holding bouquets given to them by family and smiling broadly at the camera (Minghao took that photo for them and it came out beautifully).

He remembered how they all went out afterwards, happy to eat and play for the rest of the day together as thirteen. He remembered giving Hansol a nudge when the group was busy with arcade games and told him to bring Seungkwan outside. He remembered looking from the glass while the others were preoccupied, as the confessor spoke his words and his best friend hugging him in return, holding his hand as he said something that made him smile.

And seeing them take out the chicken from the bag and eating together happily, he couldn’t have been more proud of his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps up the Seungkwan arc. Hope you guys liked it! You guys can probably guess who is next given the tags :)


	6. Jihoon pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol and Seungkwan gives Jeonghan a new lead.

Jeonghan found himself biting into a piece of hot, crispy chicken drumstick on a chilly Saturday night in a dorm room that was not his. Hansol had bought too much and Seungkwan had seen how the drool was practically pouring out of Jeonghan’s mouth as he kept him eyes on the bag of chicken while slipping on his shoes. He insisted he stayed to eat something, complaining about how his dearest hyung needed to eat more and not be so bothered by his weight again.

The juicy meat was very satisfying to say the least. Not too greasy. Very, very nice smelling. He thought about asking Hansol for the shop name so that he could buy them again the next time he came to watch volleyball, but he decided that the chances of the shop being close enough for him to not complain about walking was slim. Hansol lived with Jihoon at the music academy which was nearly 5 train stops away and he probably bought them before boarding the train rather than after alighting.

“Hyung, so have you thought about who else it could be?” 

Jeonghan turned to look at Seungkwan and raised an eyebrow at him.

“The letter.” 

“What letter?”

Now he looked at Hansol before shooting his friend a deadly glare. The cogs quickly turned in Seungkwan’s head before his eyes widened in panic

“Oh shit.” 

“What’s going on?”

Jeonghan set his chicken down onto the teared-off piece of the paper bag used as a plate substitute and sighed. He had very much wanted the issue to remain a secret, with as little people knowing about it as possible, but seeing that Seungkwan could never keep anything from his boyfriend, he might as well.

He began to recount the events as briefly as he could. Receiving the love letter that night, his suspicion that Seungkwan was the sender, and whatever that went down in the room before Hansol came. The latter listened intently, but broke into a cheeky smile upon hearing Jeonghan’s horrible screw up.

“Hyung, how did you even forget about us? Are we not obvious enough? Kwannie, maybe we really should have changed our profile pictures into that matching pair.” “Ya! I panicked, okay? I suddenly get a long-ass letter declaring their profound love for me in the cheesiest way possible months after our graduation and on top of that, I know that the only people who could know so much detail about me are you guys. I haven’t even thought about dating ever since… You get the idea.”

Seungkwan picked up another piece of chicken.

“I mean, there was Kyulkyung. You guys hung out a lot back in 2nd year. Maybe she is your secret admirer?”

Jeonghan stopped his hand right as he was about to pick up his half eaten chicken.

That name still had an effect on him, huh?

_She slammed her chopsticks onto the table. The middle aged couple seated behind her turned around to look at what the sound was, but quickly looked away when they spotted Jeonghan’s worried face._

_“Why did you even pick this place? This is disgusting!”_

_More heads started turning to look at the commotion and at this point, Jeonghan just wanted to keep Kyulkyung from any further outbursts._

_“I thought you liked BBQ! The food here is great and…”_

_“No, it stinks. The smell is getting all over my clothes, and the food is so fatty. Did you expect me to eat something like that?”_

_She was seething at this point, so Jeonghan hurriedly gobbled down the last of his rice and meat before grabbing her hand and guiding them out of the crowded shop. He noticed the bowl of rice on her side barely touched. Trying to avoid all the stares, he threw a note at the counter._

_“Just… Keep the change.”_

_They got out of the shop and Kyulkyung looked visibly less angry now that the smell of charred meat was left behind. Jeonghan slowed his steps to match her pace, but just then, the girl ripped her arm out his grip._

_“Never bring me there again. Only pigs like you eat there.”_

_All he could comprehend at that moment was the word ‘pig’ and the sight of his girlfriend’s back as she walked towards the bus stop._

Jeonghan grabbed the chicken and took a bite. It was cold now, and it didn’t tast quite as good.

“Come to think of it, when you mentioned how it could be one of us, my first thought went to Jihoon-hyung.”

He glanced at his friend like he had said something incredulous. Which he did.

“What makes you say that? Jihoon barely even hangs out with me out of all of you.”

The short music prodigy had long been a mystery to Jeonghan. Despite being in choir with him, being classmates and having the same group of friends, they rarely held a proper conversation beyond schoolwork and practice. It was like they only knew each other through their friends. 

Hang outs usually meant Jeonghan talking mostly to Seungcheol, Joshua and whoever sat close to him, and Jihoon staying around Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Junhui. Seeing how similar he acts to Wonwoo, he just assumed he was as shy as the tall guy was and shrugged off his usual lack of response.

“Exactly. He always acts like he hated you. Isn’t that weird? He literally has no reason to.”

Seungkwan looked at his boyfriend in confusion.

“Jihoon-hyung hates him? No way. He talks about him all the time when we go out. It’s like all he ever talks about. Soonyoung once got sick of it and just left the group chat we had.”

The two looked at Jeonghan, who just stared back in confusion.

~~~

_Never had he hated the school’s architecture more in his life._

_As singers, Jonghyun said, they must have the lung capacity to sing powerfully and hold long notes. Only then can the choir sound perfect. Somewhere in his convoluted mind, he had decided that every friday, everyone would run 8 laps around the school compound in a route he designed himself to build stamina and strengthen their lungs._

_That route included climbing up 2 flights of stairs to circle back to their practice room on the second floor before heading back down to run around every goddamn corner of the school._

_By the 6th lap, Jeonghan felt his lungs burn like they were on fire._

_Maybe he should have ran slower._

_He knew he was pretty fast, so much so that he was running alone at this point, with all his friends some distance behind him, but not fast enough to catch up with the small group of students running together with Jonghyun, who always ended the run like he hadn’t just ran 5 miles._

_The quiet was comforting at least. The run gave him time to check out little details about the school, like how the third last step of the main staircase had a huge chip in the middle and how the lunch lady would kiss her husband through the car window when he comes by to pick her up. He would watch the soccer students practice their dribbles, and the basketball players taking turns shooting into the hoop (Seungcheol always get it in somehow and Mingyu once threw it at Wonwoo who had been picking up his bottle from the side of the court)._

_He climbs up the stairs, taking his time to catch his breath, and spots a familiar patch of blond hair at the top of the staircase. Jihoon had his back towards him, but he was breathing hard, crouching with his hands on his knees. Jeonghan was immediately worried and raced up the stairs._

_“Jihoon! Are you okay?”_

_He whipped his head back, still panting, to look at who was calling him. He caught sight of the long haired student running towards him and quickly turned away, but the motion was too fast and Jihoon immediately felt his head spin._

_Jeonghan grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him. Before he could say anything, he noticed how pale Jihoon’s lips were. The skin was peeling off._

_“Jihoon, have you drank anything today? Coffee?”_

_“Too busy… Term assignment…”_

_“That’s not even due until next week!”_

_There was no reply this time. Jihoon kept his head down. His breathing wasn’t as laborious as before, but the lack of water was surely starting to take its toll on him._

_Jeonghan guided him towards the practice room where all their belongings were. Realising Jihoon’s bottle was nowhere to be seen, he quickly grabbed his own bottle and opened the cap._

_“Here, drink.”_

_He placed the bottle into his hand. Jihoon stared at it for a while, contemplating. He glanced up at Jeonghan, back at the bottle, then brought it to his mouth. He stopped right when the bottle was millimeters away from his lips, before pressing his lips onto the rim and drink the water in large gulps._

_Jeonghan gave Jihoon a reassuring smile. Hearing footsteps, he saw Joshua’s concerned face peek from the staircase and walked up to him to tell him what happened._

_Joshua noticed how Jihoon was staring at Jeonghan’s bottle._

_More specifically, the place he just drank from._

_His finger ran against the rim, then his lips._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS VOBO TIME! I am actually pretty excited for this part, especially the end. I have so much planned for this ahhh


	7. Jihoon pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan sets his sight on a new target (why are my summaries so bad)

The ride back to Hanyang’s dorm was uneventful. Jeonghan remained deep in thought for the most part, only answering Seungcheol’s questions with vague nods, ‘uh-huh’s and stabbing silence. And Seungcheol was quick to pick up on this: the feisty college student would usually be ranting about the game at this point, not sitting quietly. The sound of passing cars suddenly feel too loud for him.

When he finally parked his car by the road outside their dorm, Seungcheol could tell Jeonghan was still caught up in his thoughts. A small nudge at his arm brought him back instantly, and the two of them made their way to the lift lobby without a single word from both of them.

The lift door opened. Seungcheol was the first to step in. Jeonghan stared at floor, thinking, before hearing the static voice recording that startled him into entering the lift.

Seungcheol looked at his distracted friend. The furrowed brows and faint pout were dead give-aways that Jeonghan was seriously worried about something, and that made him worry too. Rather, he knew a stressed out, anxious Jeonghan meant that the latter would be skipping meals and losing sleep from ‘his explosive overthinking’.

He was about to open his mouth to remind Jeonghan to sleep early, but he was beaten as Jeonghan turned to face the other.

“Can… Can I sleep in your room tonight?”

If not for how tired he was looking at that moment, Seungcheol would have told him off and scolded him for always disturbing his peace (Jeonghan sleeps at ungodly hours, which was only a few hours before Seungcheol would wake up for his morning lessons). 

The lack of an answer was taken as a yes. Few moments later, they were in Seungcheol’s room on the fourth floor. The door was locked quietly by the room-owner as the guest dragged his feet towards the bed and plopped himself straight onto its soft sheets.

“Hey, your shoes…”

Jeonghan raised his right leg and promptly brought them up onto the bed, followed by his left leg. The exasperated look on Seungcheol’s face made his cheek twitch a little, like as if a bright smile was about to break through the gloomy clouds looming around him.

But the thoughts soon settled back into his mind, the urge to grin at his friend’s predicament was quickly lost.

“No! Don’t… Haish… I’ll go bathe first. You can find your things in the bottom most drawer.”

Seungcheol grabbed the shirt and pants lying on the floor next to the bed and made his way back to the door.

“And take off your shoes. It’s disgusting.”

Jeonghan could hear the muffled footsteps disappearing into the distance as Seungcheol made his way to the common bathroom. Only when he could not hear a single sound from outside did he finally flip him over to lie on his back. His shoulder bag was barely hanging off his fingers so he let it drop to the floor with a soft thud.

One thing he really liked about Seungcheol’s room is how quiet it was. Sure, they lived one floor apart, and in the same block, but there was no one staying at the rooms on both sides, which made the area much more peaceful at his own living quarters, which was regular polluted with blasting pop music.

And the quiet was good for him. It allowed him to fully be with his thoughts, which sometimes was a blessing, but now, it was haunting and eating him up from the inside.

Hansol and Seungkwan both made a fair point back there. He couldn’t deny it.

He had once suspected something along the lines of a crush when it came to reasoning out Jihoon’s perplexing behaviour. Back then, he was so goddamn sure there was at least a minute bit of an infatuation, but what could he tell from NEVER being able to hold more than a minute long conversation with the music student?

Now, he was sure this theory could not be disproved. While Jihoon had never made any obvious moves to show any clear sign of a crush, his actions greatly resembled Wonwoo’s blundering self whenever Nayoung passed by them during lunch, after school, and even during school events. It amused him to no end seeing the cold-faced basketballer miraculously gain super vision when Nayoung was nearby, and when Wonwoo hid in the toilet for 15 minutes because he wasn’t sure if the girl had left the area yet. Jihoon was the same: quiet and avoidant.

Lee Jihoon is officially on the suspects list.

Jeonghan grunted as he rolled himself to the side to slide off the bed. As he made his way to Seungcheol’s cupboard, he tried to think it through more clearly.

Jihoon did not have a boyfriend. (He would have known if his friend got together with someone, especially when Soonyoung was such a talker)

Seungkwan mentioned how Jihoon basically swooned over him back in high school.

What’s there to think?

He opened the wooden cupboard, pulled the drawer at the bottom, and grabbed the black Romantica shirt that laid folded on the top along with a pair of brown pants that was stuffed the sides with some of his toiletries. Standing up, he used his feet to kick the drawer, then the cupboard door shut, and made his way back to the bed to change.

Jihoon was a good kid. He could roll with that. But his mind was still set on making his intentions clear. No way was he letting himself fall back into the love game again. Jihoon might take his words well if his deadpanned expressions were any indicator. At least if he felt any sort of pain from the rejection, he would hide it well, right?

“Oh, for fuck sake, Han! Could you not change in the common bathroom like a normal human being?”

Jeonghan noticed he hadn’t quite managed to get his pants up yet.

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen. Quit whining.”

He swiftly pulled up the brown pants and turned to find a shirtless Seungcheol standing by the doorway, busy drying his hair as he walked towards the makeshift coffee table (the top of his shoe cabinet). 

“Tea?”

“I’m not that old.”

Seungcheol gave him a knowing side-eye.

“Fine, you got me. If you still have those lavender tea bags it would be great.”

Jeonghan sat back down on the bed and watched as his friend started boiling the water in the flask.

To Jeonghan, Seungcheol was always a sight to behold, like a very pretty art piece in a museum. Everyone talks about his lean figure and well-trained arms and legs (which were more squishy than muscular, he felt), but Jeonghan saw way cooler thing from all these years. Like that long white scar up his forearm where Seokmin had accidently hit Seungcheol with a very hot soldering iron, or the moles all around his neck that looked like constellations.

“You don’t have to glare at the flask so angrily, Han. The water isn’t going to boil faster.”

“Am not.”

“Sure tell that to the flask. I am sure you scared the poor thing with your face.”

Jeonghan was quick throw his shirt at Seungcheol, who was probably too tired to react, hence the smack in his face. Jeonghan laughed at his scrunched up face, which earned a smile from his friend as he poured the hot water into two separate cups.

The aroma of lavender instantly calmed his nerves as the warm cup reached his hands. Seungcheol sat himself next to Jeonghan and slowly sipped his own cup of tea (camomile) while gazing off into the distance.

“Have you figures out if its Seungkwan?”

Jeonghan gently rested his cup on his leg.

“Nah. It wasn’t him. That boy is too foolishly in love with Hansol to ever cheat on his feelings like that.”

“Glad you figured it out now. I was almost worried you had some memory loss and forgot your two precious dongsaengs were dating.”

Their cups of tea where now half full.

“But Cheol... Do you think… it could be Jihoon?”

Seungcheol took a long sip from his cup. The silence was palatable.

“He was always talking about you back at Pledis.”

“That’s what Seungkwan said.”

“Well, he sure wasn’t lying about that then.”

Jeonghan nodded and looked ahead at the cream coloured wall across the small room.

~~~

_When Jeonghan first heard about the phantom composer Woozi, he was pretty sure it was just some story one of their senior made up to scare a few juniors. But he himself became convinced that the mystery songwriter in fact did exist when he heard his melodies blasted through the school’s radio during their annual charity run. The broadcasting club were confused as to how the pieces ended up in their setlist, teachers remained oblivious to the widespread murmurs of students making up theories as to who he was._

_Was he someone from the broadcasting club secretly planting his own work into the playlist to get off the underground fame he was receiving from students? Was he a teacher, who simply wanted to share his own creations purely for the love of music?_

_Jeonghan knew better. Of course he did._

_The long-haired student made his way down the corridor and turned right to the staircase leading to the basement carpark._

_He had heard it clearly in the melody. It was a simple tune he and Seokmin came up while high off their respective lack of sleep, and Woozi had sampled that tune as the main melody itself. Seokmin was too busy with his math project to give it any thought, but Jeonghan had the luxury of completing all his assignments two days ago to consider his options. On that day, besides Joshua and Seungcheol, Jihoon was also present, minding his own business as per usual and occasionally laughing at the small group’s antics, including the impromptu song. He knew Joshua could barely work the GarageBand app on his computer, and Seungcheol was the sweet, clueless jock he always had been._

_As he turned to approach the final flight of stairs, he spots the blond-haired boy seated on the steps, leaning against the staircase railings as he busily moved his finger around the mouse pad. He had his headphones on and he was engrossed in his work, not noticing the approaching figure from his side. Jeonghan could make out the dark screen of the GarageBand app on his computer._

_He finally sat down next to the boy, who then noticed his presence and became startled at their close proximity. Jeonghan shamelessly leaned further into Jihoon’s shoulder, who made no real attempt to push his friend away._

_He stared at Jeonghan with an accusing look._

_“Don’t mind me. Just a fan admiring an artist doing his work.”_

_Jihoon tensed up a bit, but eventually relaxed and went back to his work. He would frequently look to his side to see Jeonghan reading through his composition and scores, but turn back to resume his work when Jeonghan looked at him upon noticing his stares._

_After what seemed like an hour, the two of them made their way back to the class as the bell signalled the end of their lunch break._

_“Hyung…”_

_Jeonghan stopped walking and turned his body towards Jihoon, who stood a few steps back._

_“Can you… not tell anyone? Not even our friends? It’s… just that… I…”_

_Jeonghan walked up to the stuttering boy and placed both his hands on his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze._

_“I won’t. And there is no need for you to explain. We know you love music more than life.”_

_Jihoon stared at his friend like he had just met an angel. Eyes wide and shining,_

_“We will support you no matter what, okay? You can tell us when you feel ready, but until then, your secret is safe with a fan.”_

_Nothing beats the warm smile that was adorned on Jihoon’s face at that moment, and Jeonghan was happy to know that his friend felt better._

_(Jihoon opened his computer again when he got back to his room. He plugged in his headphones, opened an audio file and started listening to the beautiful song he made just a week ago._

_Titled Jeonghan’s Lullaby.)_

This love letter was going to be the death of him, huh?

First Seungkwan. Now Jihoon.

The world really seemed to like to play at Jeonghan’s crazy thoughts.

(Though they are not exactly all wrong.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted something that could be borderline domestic but seeing that college freshmens are basically still broke teenagers with a lack of experience, this is what I could come up with. Jihoon's story is far more interesting than Seungkwan's one i swear pls just wait for the next few chapters my exams are coming and i am stressed.


	8. Jihoon pt3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon is truly very bad at hiding his emotions

**TEAM VOBO (5)**

**Joshuji:  
Hey  
So  
You know how Coach’s birthday is coming up right?**

**Hoonie:  
Huh?  
When is that?**

**Joshuji:  
April 8  
This coming weds**

**Hoonie:  
And how do you know this?**

**Joshuji:  
I might have been stalking our coach on Facebook since graduation  
And looked into his profile**

**UriBOO:  
Stalker**

**Joshuji:  
HEY  
In my defence  
I at least make an effort to find ways to keep in contact with him  
Even if it means using Facebook to find him**

**AngelHan:  
I have his phone number?**

**Joshuji:  
Dammit**

**Sunshine:  
AHAHAHA  
That was brutal**

**Joshuji:  
How??**

**AngelHan:  
I asked????**

**UriBOO:  
You say that like that was supposed to be easy  
Coach never gives anyone his number  
Especially not students**

**Joshuji:  
Exactly  
So what did you do Han  
Did you bribe him or threaten him this time**

**AngelHan:  
OMG  
I swear I didn’t do anything  
I just asked him to help we write a referral for my university application  
And asked him for his number to contact him after graduation since our school emails were gonna get cancelled**

**UriBOO:  
Yeah right**

**Joshuji:  
So ANYWAYS  
I was thinking  
We should visit him on his birthday  
Give him a nice surprise**

**Hoonie:  
I think if he sees the chaotic duo again, he will lose more hairs from their bs**

**Sunshine:  
That’s not true**

**UriBoo:  
Yah!!  
He loves us**

**Sunshine:  
We are practically unforgettable**

**Hoonie:  
I can tell why**

**Sunshine:  
…**

**UriBOO:  
…**

**Joshuji:  
Replying to [Sunshine: That was brutal]  
^**

**AngelHan:  
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**

**Sunshine:  
Jihoon, why you gotta do us like this  
Do you not love us?**

**Hoonie:  
No comment**

**UriBOO:  
It’s not a no  
AWW**

**Sunshine:  
I knew you love us**

**Hoonie:  
Shut up**

**Joshuji:  
Back to topic!!!  
So are we meeting up in school?**

**AngelHan:  
Yes**

**UriBOO:  
Hell yeah**

**Sunshine:  
YESSS**

**Hoonie:  
Yep  
Main gate or back gate?**

**Joshuji:  
Back gate  
Its closer to the staffroom  
I am sure some student will let us in**

**UriBOO:  
You sure…?**

**Joshuji:  
At most we get Jeonghan to seduce them **

**Sunshine:  
???**

**Joshuji:  
He convinced the security guard one time to let him, me and Seungcheol out of school before dismissal**

**Sunshine:  
That stupid blockhead?  
He managed to make him let you guys out??  
What sorcery???**

**AngelHan:  
Tbf  
It was a fluke  
The next time I tried he glared at me so hard I couldn’t even get a word out**

**UriBOO:  
I wonder if they changed the guards this year  
Maybe he left already?**

**Hoonie:  
I went back last month to visit our homeroom teacher  
He is still there  
He still insults my height**

**Sunshine:  
The AUDACITY  
How PREPOSTEROUS  
What SHAMELESSNESS**

**Hoonie:  
If you try to say another long word  
Ill rip your thumb off on Weds when we meet**

**Sunshine:  
Noted**

**Joshuji:  
If my intel is correct  
Coach will have a lunch break from 12.30 to 2  
So we can meet up at 12 and hang around until he turns up**

**Hoonie:  
Sure**

**Sunshine:  
I am okay with that**

**UriBOO:  
Can**

**AngelHan:  
I have classes until 12 ugh  
I’ll probably make it at 1**

**Joshuji:  
OK  
I’ll just text you where we are  
Most likely at the benches**

**AngelHan:  
Thanks Shua**

**UriBOO:  
Are we getting him anything?**

**Sunshine:  
Cake?  
A small one?**

**Hoonie:  
I can get one  
There is a bakery near my dorm**

**Joshuji:  
Oh?  
You mean MASISSEUN**

**Hoonie:  
Yeah  
Quite cheap too  
So I’ll just cover the cost**

**AngelHan:  
Thanks so much Hoonie!  
You're the best!!  
But it’s honestly fine to split the cost**

**UriBOO:  
^ **

**Sunshine:  
^^**

**Joshuji:  
^^^**

**Hoonie:  
Oh  
Er  
It’s fine  
I can pay  
Saves me  
the trouble of calculating  
how much you each have to pay  
Yeah  
All good  
ahahahahahahaha**

**AngelHan:  
Oh remember to get strawberry flavour!  
It’s his favourite!**

**Joshuji:  
It’s your favourite Han**

**AngelHan:  
sHHH  
Anyways  
See yall on Weds**

~~~

Pledis high recently got repainted, so besides the usual white and blue, there were now hints of pink adorned on the walls of their alma mater. Jeonghan almost couldn’t recognise it, now that he no longer took this bus to school anymore, the usual muscle memory had faded. If it were not for a few year 1 students boarding the bus happily, he would have completely missed the stop.

Besides the major exterior revamp, everything else remained largely the same. Jeonghan felt a nostalgic sense of excitement and tiredness (from the hour long ride or the three-year memory of having to reach school at 7am, he didn’t know) and he cracked a smile when he saw the familiar metal gate meters away from the bus stop.

Getting in was easy. One of his choir juniors recognised him when he walked passed the gate and saw Jeonghan outside tapping away at his phone. After the usual salutations, he was warmly welcomed into the school, and after bidding him farewell, he briskly made his way across the carpark, around the track and up the steps to the staffroom.

He recognised Joshua and Seokmin’s dark-coloured hair, the coffee brown mess of a hair belonging to Seungkwan, and the flashy blond of Jihoon’s hair. But most importantly, he recognised the broad shoulders of their choir coach.

Jeonghan was fond of their coach in many ways. Jonghyun was like a gentle giant back when they were shy 17 year olds worried about first impressions. Serious on most days, but fun and mischievous on the occasional ‘havoc’ days where he would play along and let things get a little out of hand. While he would reprimand them for their (read, Seungkwan and Seokmin) playful behaviour, Jeonghan was sure the vocal coach enjoyed every teasing remark he gave and the endless youthful energy the choir had. They were all in tears when they graduated, not just because they were going to miss the campus and the memories they hold, but also because they were leaving their choir. The small family Jeonghan came to love very much. And nothing represent choir more then their sobbing mess of a vocal coach, who gave them all the tightest hug on their last club activities day.

Joshua was the first to notice Jeonghan approaching them. His eyes beamed and he waved his arm, beckoning him towards the group. The rest noticed Joshua perking up and also spotted Jeonghan walking towards them. Hollers and cheers from Seokmin and Seungkwan were not to be missed and if not for his own excitement to finally meet their coach, he would have rolled his eye and made an attempt to walk away to spite them (just like in school).

“Han! You made it!”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He was greeted with Jonghyun’s warm smile as he squeezed himself between Joshua and Jihoon.

As the mini celebration went on, Jeonghan secretly took note of Jihoon’s actions. 

He had purposefully dressed up a little today: a loose white blouse and tight black pants that showed off his legs well, with matching Dr Marten shoes to complement the look. There was the lightest coat of makeup on his face, both to cover up the few pimple scars and because this was a special occasion. He was sure he caught Seungcheol staring a bit when he walked past him along the dorm stairways, so his plan was foolproof. Just catch if Jihoon does anything out of the norm, be it staring, trying harder to avoid him or a combination of both, and then use that against him to prove that he was the author of the cheesy love letter.

True enough, Jihoon started acting up. His relaxed fingers were now busily fidgeting, showing the obvious distress he was experiencing from the moment he sat down beside him. Though he was facing Jonghyun and not looking at him directly, Jeonghan could see a faint shade of red had blossomed on his cheeks when he ‘accidentally’ brushed his fingers against his elbow while turning to his bag. The blond student would also give him the occasional side glance, running his eyes along his body, but stopped a little longer when he saw Jeonghan’s phone case. Since then, the stares stopped and the animated conversation with their coach carried on like as if all of Jeonghan’s painstaking efforts to flirt in front of a teacher could go unnoticed in the past hour.

Jeonghan smiled inwardly, knowing that he had finally found the right person. Jihoon was no doubt the love letter writer.

After watching Jonghyun blow out the candles, sharing the cake, and bidding goodbye to their former coach as he rushed off for a teacher’s meeting, the five of them decided to take a look around their old hangouts. Their classroom, where the students were listening to their teacher talking about Riemann sums (or falling asleep), the canteen (the lunch lady still recognised them and they chatted for a while) and even the basketball court (they, including the dance quartet, would regularly come to watch the four basketballers train/play around).

All this while, he could tell Jihoon was being his usual (or unusual) avoidant self, sticking closer to Seungkwan and seokmin and engaging in a heated debate with them. Jeonghan watched their interaction, now noticing the stark contrast in which Jihoon treats him compared to the others.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

Jeonghan whipped his head around and saw Joshua tilting his head curiously at him.

“It’s just… I never realised Jihoon has...”

“... Has a crush on you that is the size of Korea? I know.”

Jeonghan was speechless.

“How?”

“It’s pretty obvious to be honest. Jihoon always wears his emotions on his sleeves, even though he hates to admit how bad he is at hiding his crush on you. I can’t blame you for not noticing though. You were still hung up about Kyulkyung and school and stuff back then.”

He bit his lip as he listened to his best friend. It was still no excuse. Jihoon is his friend. He should have known.

“So what about it? You haven’t been vaguely interested in relationship issues since... You know. Why the sudden interest in Jihoon?”

Seeing that the bickering trio were now running ahead, still caught up in their little argument, Jeonghan proceeded to spill everything to Joshua. 

He took it surprisingly well. Other than the nods and raised eyebrows, Joshua listened to the story as intensely as Seungcheol had. He never tried to comment on anything (if he had, Jeonghan would probably be too embarrassed to continue retelling the story).

“I never knew Jihoon would go to such an extent. What a romantic.”

“Romantic my ass, the letter honestly freaked me out a little.”

“But admit it, you liked it didn't you? Even though you are worried and all, you are still a sucker for the old-fashioned, cliché kind of love, right?"

He didn't want to admit it, even though rereading that letter every time made his insides mushy and his heart flutter. More and more so each time.

"So you are gonna tell him no?”

Jeonghan nodded. He had a plan to stick to after all.

“Well. Just take it easy on him. A crush that lasted so long… Rejection might hurt more than you think.”

“Yeah, right. Why else do you think I have been so stressed out about it, Shua?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost there! Hang on a bit! (Sorry there was no flashbacks this time, i promise the next one will be good... once my exams are over and no longer haunt me) Joshua is now on the inside yay took me long enough


	9. Jihoon pt4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we are back to square 1, but some things have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is twice as long as my other chapters so pls bear with me

It was just the two of them now. 

Seokmin, with his ever-so-precious driving license, offered to drive Joshua and Seungkwan back to their dorm at Hongik, leaving Jihoon and him to endure the long bus ride back to their respective dorms. They were going to take different buses, so Jeonghan had to make it quick. He had to clear the air before he lost the chance to do so privately.

(“Just get it over and done with. It’s better that way. For you, and for him. I’ll leave you two to it.” Said Joshua as he literally walked away from him and left him alone to deal with his problem. What a great friend.)

But Jeonghan could feel the words stuck in his throat. 

He knew how painful rejection could be. Hell, he had been through that when Kyulkyung left him, so knowing that Jihoon, the epitome of a prickly pear, would have to face that kind of pain, maybe even worse, because of him didn’t sit well with him. 

And as circumstances will have it, he saw Jihoon pull out his earphones, preparing to listen to whatever that was on his phone. His typical way of avoiding conversations he didn’t like. Jeonghan couldn’t let that happen.

He was just going to ask him about the letter. That’s all he needed to know. Who sent it. If it wasn’t Jihoon, he will leave it as it is. No more, and no less.

“Jihoon-ah.”

His hand stopped next to his ear. 

“Can I ask you something?”

Jihoon turned to him, a mix of interest and worry painted on his face.

Jeonghan pulled out his phone and flipped it over to the other side. He traces his finger over the pressed lilac flower on his phone. That flower had meant so much to him. It was gifted to him when he was at one of his lowest and it had became a sort of comfort to see its beautiful purple petals. 

And that flower had been given to him by none other than Jihoon.

Like a silent hug, the moment when he found the flower, lying next to his hand when he looked up, was warm and reassuring. He would always be grateful for his discreet kindness, yet right now, as he stared at the flower again, the knowledge of his friend’s not-so-secret crush on him had wormed itself into his memories. 

Was this flower more than just a condolence? 

Jeonghan wanted to know the answer to that, even though he had a good idea of the answer, but instead he asked his question.

“Did you give me a letter recently?”

Jihoon’s confusion grew, with his face now comically scrunched up. Jeonghan tried very hard to not break into a smile despite the seriousness around them.

“I wrote you a letter?” 

“Well… Not exactly. I just got some cheesy handwritten letter with no name, and I asked around. No one seemed to have any clue, so I thought to ask you.” 

Jihoon stared at him for a while. Jeonghan thought he was going to disintegrate from his glare, no matter how unintentional the scowl on his face was (Resting bitch face was something he related, but being on the receiving end of it was still uncomfortable).

“Oh.” 

Well, that was anticlimactic.

“What was the letter about?” 

Ah. There was the question he would rather slam his head against the wall than to answer. Jeonghan could feel the heat in his cheeks and ears, and Jihoon’s inquisitive eyes burrowing into the side of his head.

Well, fourth time’s the charm. (it really wasn’t.) 

Maybe it would do him some good though.

Jeonghan gave him the short version of the story. And as he went over what happened, he could see Jihoon’s face shift in his emotion. From surprise to understanding, to something he couldn’t quite tell, but he hoped it wasn’t heartbreak, or at least not something worse than dejection. He was practically telling him someone else liked him as well, in front of a friend who was in the same situation. That would surely crush him, even if he wouldn’t show it. He could have lied and made it easy for him, but he knew better than to do so.

“Well, now you know. I guess my search is still on!” 

He gave him a wide smile. 

He hoped it was enough for Jihoon. Enough of an answer to move along. He loved him too much to let him dwell on this any longer.

The low rumble of an approaching bus was heard. The two of them turned their heads to watch the bus stop in front of them and creak open its doors.

“I’ll get going now. See you!” 

Jeonghan grabbed the handle of his bag and made his way up the bus. Taking a seat by the window, he looked out and gave Jihoon a wave goodbye before the bus lurched forward and started driving away. His figure began to shrink as the distance grew. 

Somehow seeing him this small pricked at his heart a little. He couldn’t love him back. He really couldn’t see him as something more than a brother, a friend. And he deserved someone who could love him with all their heart. Inside, he prayed for his friend. He prayed that whatever suffering he had just caused him would hurt less, that he would find someone who could give him the tightest, warmest hugs to replace this day’s memory and kiss away his pain. 

And maybe, just maybe, he could find a happier ending to his love letter search. He would be lying if he said he wasn't relieved Jihoon wasn't the writer. There was still some hope of finding someone he could not reject. Call him a romantic, but he sure would love it if this search led him to this soulmate or whatever equivalent fate had in store for him. 

He didn't mind waiting a little more (but maybe less heartbreak could be involved next time).

A shrill ring cut through his thoughts. Jeonghan looked at his phone screen and saw Seungcheol’s name. 

“Cheol, what is it?” 

“What do you mean you lost your keys?” 

“Again?” 

“Hahaha… No.” 

“Fine, just go to my room and get the spare. It’s in the second drawer.” 

“You idiot… Buy me Starbucks tomorrow!” 

~~~

Jihoon stared at the bus as it left the stop. 

Jeonghan was gone, just like that.

He could have told him how he felt. The moment was just right. Everything was set up for him, to finally confess his feelings for him. He was no writer of a love letter, but he was in love with that gorgeous man. That he was sure. 

But now he wasn’t sure how to feel. More exactly, he just felt… empty. Like the last of his soul just boarded that bus and left a shell behind.

Those 2 minutes where he just stared at Jeonghan as he talked, it was like a whirlwind, a daze. He remembered three words hanging from his lips, yet they never came out. It was as if the more Jeonghan spoke, the more afraid he was. At how badly he was gonna hurt. He just told him some else liked him. Of course that was bound to happen. Who doesn’t love a charismatic and beautiful man like him? Out there was some tall, handsome knight-in shining armour waiting to sweep Jeonghan's feet off the ground, a person worthy of his unwavering love and attention. Could he be that guy? He had thought he could. But seeing his eyes flickering left and right, with a sort of hesitation and caution behind every word, he knew he couldn’t force his feelings upon the man. He knew what heartbreak Jeonghan had gone through, he just couldn’t...

Jihoon picked him his earphones again and placed them in his ears. The loud music enveloped him, just as he liked it. Just as he needed.

Just forgetting about the pain. 

Numb.

~~~

_Today was the worst day._

_No, the worst day would have been yesterday. Jeonghan simply wanted to skip school, maybe even never come back to this dreaded building. He just wanted to stay home, in his bed and just block out the world as it kept spinning._

_Call him superficial, but that’s what he was. Getting all worked up because of his hair._

_Jeonghan knew he did not get along with everyone. He probably had a bone to pick with half of his class, or just many of the students who found it hilarious to make fun of his friends. Some of them teased Seungkwan and Hansol for their appearances. Some made fun of Junhui and Minghao’s accent. A few girls even poked at Jihoon for his stature, but that kid knew how to scare off those who dared to come at him with his signature glare. He was more worried for the others, who did not have Soonyoung’s guts or Wonwoo’s sharp tongue._

_It just so happened that Jeonghan decided to settle matters a little more seriously. Seungcheol and Joshua had tried to stop him, but if they wanted to bully his friends, they would have to fight him first (“Maybe you should try that too sometimes, fighting for people you love.” “But… Jeonghan, you could get caught by the teachers or something.” “That’s not a problem.”). He made sure to hack into a few of their twitter accounts to post unglams and write weird captions. A lesson well-deserved he believed, but he would admit posting a video of one of them getting hit in the face by a soccer ball was a bit too much (definitely not the captions though, it was only fair. That was for all the mean comments they made over the past months)._

_Obviously, those people got mad. And obviously, they would do something about it. Jeonghan had been prepared to take the blow for the rest, since it was his doing after all. After this, he told himself, they would either leave all of us alone, or just come at me, either ways is fine. He thought he could take anything, but…_

_He sighed as he instinctively reached for his neck to run his fingers through his long hair. It was an old habit, but now it felt so weird._

_All his hair was gone._

_Those students took the chance when he was busy finishing up some work to pour a bottle of super glue onto his hair. Before he could do anything about it, his entire ponytail was dead stuck onto his shirt. Joshua had to hold him back before he could throw any punches at them (Not like he needed to in the end. Seungcheol made his move when Joshua was too focused on restraining him and talking him out of his anger.)_

_But what’s done is done. His hair had to go. The moment the school nurse chopped off his ponytail felt like the worst torture he could experience._

_He loved his hair. He took care of it a lot, making sure that it would look good, silky and smooth. He had always prided himself for his long locks and felt happy to know that people around him admired his hair, even if they didn’t see the effort._

_But all that was now sitting in a small plastic school dustbin along with the shirt._

_Even though he went to the barber an hour later to fix his hair, it felt so wrong when he saw his own reflection._

_No long hair._

_No Jeonghan._

_He felt tears brimming in his eyes as he gave the hairdresser a warm smile and a quick thank you, but when he got home, he couldn’t cry._

_Now he sat here, a pathetic, average-looking boy with a pouty face. How could things get any worse?_

_Oh right._

_The fact that Kyulkyung had been there to watch the others drench his hair in super glue and laughed at their respective misery, at the guys getting punched, at his friends and classmates’ reactions, and at him being shocked and angry at the whole situation. She simply saw him, rolled her eyes and walked away._

_“I can’t go out with a pathetic looking guy like you. At least before you had looks, but now you are just sad. We’re done. And don’t even think about calling or texting I’m blocking you, you freak.”_

_Jeonghan rested his face in his arms on the table. He tried to will away that memory, but her words stung more than he could imagine._

_6 months of his life, he spent it on loving this girl. The beautiful, strong-willed student he fell head over heels for. He gave and gave and tried everything he could to treat her preciously. All the love he gave came back as nothing but a broken heart._

_His emotions were starting to tire him out. In just 24 hours, he felt like he had lost so much. Empty was not what he was feeling: He felt like there was a tiny black hole where his heart was, sucking up his energy. Stealing whatever hope and motivation he told himself to maintain. He couldn’t look weak in front of those boys, but now that school was over, he wanted to give in and just…_

_He laid there, face down on the table and sighed._

_~~~_

_When he felt his arms turn numb from lying in them for so long, he raised his head and checked his watch. 4:10. He had been lying here for nearly 30 minutes._

_As he was about to leave, Jeonghan felt something soft glide across his fingertip. Curious, he looked down at the table and saw a small bunch of lilac flowers tied up with a string, lying on top of a yellow post-it note. He picked up the flowers to smell it. They were really fragrant, like they were freshly picked. Just slightly, it lifted his mood._

_Jeonghan grabbed the post-it note and read the small wording on it._

_“From Jihoon.”_

_He turned it around and saw more writings._

_“Jeonghan-ah, don’t cry._  
Your kindness, love and bravery is far more beautiful  
Than any hair or any girl.” 

_There were tears streaming down his face, finally after many hours of holding it in. It was a sweet release, as he let himself sob into the note and flowers._

_He picked a small flower to be pressed and preserved that night. He would always remember his healing words._

_The flower will be his reminder._

_~~~_

_Jihoon clutched onto the small bouquet of flowers in his hand._

_Simply put, he was nervous. He knew Jeonghan was going through a really tough time, with his hair and Kyulkyung and all the intrusive stares he got when he came to school with the new cut. Not that he looked bad with this hairstyle: even with short hair, Jeonghan still looked so pretty. But he knew that he was probably really upset with the whole situation._

_True enough, when he saw him in class, he was busy chatting with Seungcheol and Mingyu. He was laughing at what they had said (a little too loudly, a little too forced) and was smiling widely (if it didn’t look like he was trying hard to not falter, he would be swooning at how goddamn beautiful he was). The whole time in class, he gave his usual clever remarks and witty jokes, but he could see the thread-like cracks in the glass shield he was putting up._

_He looked at Seungcheol, who sat next to him, and the latter shook his head. He shouldn’t bother him with the matter when he was struggling so much._

_But he could at least comfort him right?_

_The school garden had a wider variety of flowers. Jihoon decided to pick a few lilac flowers and give it to Jeonghan. He knew he loved being in the garden, and especially loved smelling the flowers, so these might cheer him up, even for a split second. Carefully, he took a short piece of string that he had left from a book-binding project and tied the flowers together. He smiled at his work._

_This would be a perfect gift for him._

_That was what he had thought of five minutes ago. Now all his confidence had been flushed down the drain. He saw Jeonghan lying on the table, like he was sleeping, but he knew if he woke him up, he couldn’t deal with the situation. It would freak him out and embarrass him. But couldn’t just stand there and…_

_“What are you doing there, Jihoon?”_

_“Shh!!!”_

_Jihoon turned to look at who had been talking to him, and was surprised to see Seungcheol with his school bag hanging from his left shoulder. The black-haired student gave him a look, confused at the unusual outburst from his meek friend._

_“Sorry it’s just…”_

_Seungcheol looked up and saw Jeonghan by his table. He understood immediately._

_“Could you… Could you help me put this flowers at Jeonghan’s table? Just don’t wake him up or anything, er…”_

_Jihoon spotted a yellow post it and a pen left on one of the tables. He grabbed them and a quickly wrote a note. Together with the flowers, he shoved them into the stunned Seungcheol’s hands and walked away. His heart was beating fast at this point, but he was over the moon._

_The next day in class, he was the first to notice the pressed lilac flower on Jeonghan’s phone cover. He could feel his insides doing cartwheels of joy when he saw Jeonghan admiring the flower during breaks. The whole day, he was smiling so broadly that Soonyoung made a few snarky comments that he was possessed by a smiling ghost, but he couldn't care about his friend’s jokes and teasing. His eyes were only on Jeonghan’s now radiant smile._

_He did it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY EXAMS ARE OVER! i honestly feel so bad for Jihoon, but its not over for him just yet. I would never leave him to suffer like this :)
> 
> The backstory was longer than expected oops


	10. Jihoon extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Jeonghan and Jihoon's paths have finally diverged... What's there waiting for them at the end of their roads?

When Jeonghan turned the knob to his room, he was startled by the sight of Seungcheol lying on the floor on his side. A few hurried steps later, he saw the gentle rise and fall of his chest and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He was just sleeping, probably tired from coursework or some hectic logistics problems at the upcoming charity event he was in charge of. The fact that he didn’t even bother to change out of his slacks into one of his shorts that he kept in his cupboard was just another indicator of how tired he must have been. He must have been too tired to even get on his bed to lie down. He should have known though. Seungcheol’s voice sounded a little raspy through the phone, which usually meant he hadn’t been resting enough.

Seungcheol was known to burn out regularly like this. That boy thinks he can do everything for everyone, but sometimes Jeonghan wished he could drop a few volunteering roles and spend more time with him, just relaxing and doing nothing. But he had to admit, it was admirable of him to try and help out in so many areas. Seeing him work so hard for his fundraisers and champaigns and how it made him happy was inspiring.

Squatting down next to the sleeping man, Jeonghan placed his bag next to him and sat down on the floor. Leaning against the bedframe, he glanced at Seungcheol. His mouth was slightly parted and drool was coming out the side of his mouth. His hair was splayed in all directions and he could smell the strong musky scent of his hair wax. He had his hands close to his chest and his legs tucked in, so he looked like an oversized baby napping. It was cute. Seungcheol just looked so peaceful asleep, it was simply a sight to behold (and a rare one too).

Jeonghan couldn’t help himself but comb his fingers through his messy mop of hair. It was slightly shorter than his, but it was also straighter, so it felt so smooth to run them through his hand, albeit the hair wax left a sticky feeling on his skin.

Then, Seungcheol turned onto his back and opened his eyes. He looked up and saw Jeonghan’s startled face and let out a chuckle.

“When did you come back?”

“Bout a minute ago.”

Seungcheol pushed himself upright and moved himself to sit next to Jeonghan. It was then he realised the paint stains on his shirt.

“Look at you. How are we supposed to get that off now? It’s oil-based. It’s going to be so hard to wash off.”

He shrugged.

“I’ll just get a new one. This is getting tight around the arms anyways.”

_It wouldn’t if you didn’t work out as often as you did._

But Jeonghan decided to keep that comment to himself. Seungcheol leaned his head onto Jeonghan’s shoulder.

“So how was the event? And don’t use dare pretend to be asleep.”

Seungcheol huffed at Jeonghan’s comment.

“It went well. Some of the kids were more hyperactive and ran around, but they had fun.”

“Did Jooheon give you trouble this time?”

“Other than being an hour late as per usual, not much. I should have taken you advice and lie to him telling that the event started at noon instead.”

They stayed like that for a little while longer. Jeonghan didn’t mind it anyways. He always welcomed moments like this, just him and Seungcheol, doing nothing but listen to the tall trees outside swaying with the late afternoon wind and watch the orange-pink sun rays disappear behind passing clouds. Especially during busy school days, with the hustle and bustle of lectures, tutorials and electives. To some, such quietness would make them restless and on edge. To Jeonghan, it was like his healing, cooling him from all the energy draining memories and leaving him free. In the silence, he can stop thinking and just enjoy the feeling of the spring breeze.

Jeonghan could feel the weight of Seungcheol’s head getting heavier, and he knew it meant he was falling asleep again. As much as he wanted the other guy to rest more after his full day, he remembered the last time he refused to move to let Seungcheol sleep, his arm became numb and a bruise formed, and he really didn’t want to deal with that again. He shook his shoulder a little, to which the sleepy man whined at the disturbance but eventually lifted his head and let Jeonghan stand up to stretch. 

He held onto his arm as he pulled him to his feet and settled him onto the bed. Seungcheol smiled as fell onto his side and laid on Jeonghan’s pillow. The latter then went to the tap to wash his face.

“How was the meet-up?”

Jeonghan shrugged.

“Jonghyun was glad to see us, but he couldn’t stay for long so we just went around the school to check out our old hang out spots.”

“Sounds like fun.”

There was a pregnant pause. The sound of running water made it a little less awkward.

“I also told Jihoon about the letter. It wasn’t him.”

He sighed to himself.

“I hope he took it well. I really don’t want to lose him as a friend. I don’t want him to suffer…”

Realising how silent the room was, Jeonghan turned his head and spotted his friend curled up on the bed facing the wall. He must have fallen asleep listening to him talk, so Jeonghan stealthily made his way to his table to grab his wallet and made his way out of the dorm room. 

He should buy some soup for him. Both because it’s dinnertime and because it would be good for his tired body. 

~~~ 

Jihoon let his music blast through his ears as he got of the bus and changed bus. The heavy drum beats reverberated through his head as he marched through an alley as a shortcut. The screeching electric guitar could be heard by passersby, where some even scowled at the boy who simply hurried past them.

He knew where he was supposed to go. He had to finish his assignment which was due the next day. But his mind just couldn’t write anymore. It was all hazy and a mess and all he wanted right now was 3 stores ahead, with a pink and blue signboard beckoning him.

Swinging open its glass doors, he was instantly hit with the smell of sweat and cheap deodorant. If anyone stepped into this dance studio they would have assumed it to be a gym or some mixed martial arts place. But even with his earphones on, he can feel the strong bass of music through his skin as he walked pass the receptionist (who was too busy playing on her phone) and went up to a familiar room. In Caratland Dance Company, all the rooms have large glass windows which allowed visitors to see the dancers practice and teach. Whenever he came by, he could see Minghao learning some elaborate new contemporary dance choreography, or Junhui showing a student how to position their arms for a particular move, or Chan lounging in a dark corner (probably watching dance covers). But now, his tunnel vision lead him to a particular fox-eyed dancer friend of his.

When he entered the room, he spotted him in a purple shirt which was barely drenched in sweat dancing to some song he couldn’t tell. He wore black track pants and white sports shoes, his typical get-up at work. Jihoon noticed the bright tiger striped bag lying next to the speakers and grimaced as he recalled how he bought it as a joke for him but the latter ended up loving it so much he carried it everywhere till this day. Just everyday occurrences for dear ‘Tiger Eyes’ Hoshi.

Soonyoung heard the slam of the dance room door and turned to find Jihoon standing there, panting while keeping his head down. One look and he knew something was not right, so he jogged up to his speaker to turn off the music and approached his friend.

“Jihoon-ah! What brings you to the Tiger’s Lair?”

The lack of a clever comeback or sharp remark at his sweaty looks made Soonyoung even more concerned.

“Jihoon-ah, what’s wr…”

Jihoon stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Soonyoung’s chest, which startled him greatly. Jihoon was rarely a touchy-feely person. If anyone in their circle of friends tried anything, be it pet his head or playfully slap him, that boy would be more than happy to fight the perpetrator and give them a good reminder why they should never mess with the shortest member of their group (Except Jeonghan, he was fine with Jeonghan).

Soonyoung takes his tight hold as a sign and hugged him back. It felt a little strange, giving Jihoon a hug like this. He normally would try to squirm his way out of one or berate him for embarrassing him in front of others, to which Soonyoung never took to heart. He liked being affectionate with his friends, and Jihoon was one of his closest ones, so he just had to show him all the love he could give. But for Jihoon to be the first to initiate something like this… There was just some weird feeling in his gut and a sudden shortness of breath he couldn’t explain.

“Hoonie-ya, I am sweaty don’t…”

A sob reached his ear.

He could feel a small patch of wetness forming under his collarbone. Jihoon’s body was shaking and trembling and his hands were gripping onto his shirt like letting go would destroy him. It went on like this for a while, just him in Soonyoung’s arms crying, but he could feel the energy seep away from him with every second that passed. Jihoon could feel the weakness in his legs and he clung harder onto his friend, steadying himself by pressing his body onto his (he really like his warmth and was exactly what he needed right now).

The dancer slowly lowered himself and held onto him to guide him onto his knees, then butt on the floor. This way, Jihoon was seated crossed-legged, which meant he had to lean forward a little to keep himself glued to Soonyoung, but neither of them cared. Soonyoung stretched out his legs on either side of him and pulled Jihoon closer. He started patting him on the back, slowly so as to soothe him.

“Is this about Jeonghan? Do you want to talk about it?”

There was a small shake of his head. 

_No._

Soonyoung knew the whole deal with the two of them. Jihoon had been madly in love with Jeonghan ever since the second year of high school. He was the first person to realise this and confronted the short student, who admitted to the fact with his reddening face. Over the years, he watched as Jihoon gazed at Jeonghan in a special, fluttery way, and listened to him confide his feelings. As the ‘best friend’, he had Jihoon’s utmost trust in this matter, and that meant supporting Jihoon’s every action, every attempt at horribly expressing his love and every longing sigh as Jeonghan walked pass the both of them at the end of lunch. Sometimes he wished the guy has more guts and just told him as early as possible. Sometimes he wished all those years could have directed at him instead.

At least it wouldn’t have to end like this.

Because Soonyoung was in love with his best friend, Lee Jihoon. The music genius with a secret identity he told no one, not even him. The feisty boy with the brains of a strategist and the looks he couldn’t help but dream of at night. The friend with all the determination and the ambition in composing music, and boundless care for all 12 of them. Kwon Soonyoung loved all that about him. He hoped some day, he could hold his hands and never let go of his precious love. That one day, he could kiss every inch of his pretty face and shower him with sweet words and small gifts. But he loved him. He loved him so much he would let him pursue his crush on his other friend. He would support him with all his heart, as long as it made him happy. He’d rather listen to his daily rants on how awesome Jeonghan was as a best friend should, than to ruin it all with a few word from his mouth. Because that smile he saw when Jihoon talked about him was amazing.

And that choice lead him here, sitting on the floor of his dance studio, comforting Jihoon as he cried for the first time over Yoon Jeonghan. It hurt to hear his sobs, and he internally promised to never let him cry like this again. 

“Everything will be already, okay? Jihoon-ya, I’ll be here no matter what.”

He was always there, beside him. He would protect him and love him as he should. 

But for now, he would just pat his back in a steady slow rhythm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a sucker for this chapter. The feel of the whole second part was due to me listening Habit on loop :")


	11. Mingyu pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan has a new objective: help Wonwoo confess to his long-time crush

The next time they meet up at Hongdae, they had decided the day before that they would dine at their favorite KBBQ place on Eoulmadag-ro Street. The food was cheap and nice (and the kimchi was really good, Jihoon-approved even) But when they meet up in front of the restaurant, there realised something was missing.

More like two things.

Chan as the first to voice out his thoughts.

“Where is Soonyoung and Jihoon hyung? It has been 15 minutes already, they are never this late. ”

Jun chipped in next.

“Like I would get it if Jihoon skipped a meetup or two since the academy gets really busy sometimes. But Soonyoung would never miss this kind of thing.”

None of their calls went through, and their texts were all left as unread.

While the others began to chatter about all the possibilities as to where the duo have disappeared to, Jeonghan stayed quiet at the side. After that encounter at the bus stop, Jihoon has not answered any of his messages, and while it was not unusual for him to be unresponsive to all the chaos on KakaoTalk, it was weird that he didn’t even bother reading them. It’s like he had completely shut himself out. Soonyoung, one of the usual spam texters, had become less active in participating in Seungkwan and Seokmin’s banters. He would only respond to Chan’s usual ‘can I use your studio tonight’ and Jun’s business-related messages. Jeonghan was not the only one to notice this. Joshua had texted him last night to ask him if he knew what happened to the two.

Jeonghan didn’t know what was wrong, but he could guess. Jihoon’s radio-silence happened right after that encounter at the bus stop. He must have felt so bad from what he said, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was the cause of his disappearance. Soonyoung would know about this as his best friend, so he was likely taking care of him. He felt bad for the dancer. He must have really wanted to be at this meetup, but he is stuck helping Jihoon heal a heart he broke. It really was his fault. As much as he wanted to dismiss thar bothersome thought, he had to admit that they were true to some extent. He could have been kinder in his words, he could have broached it in another way. He could have simply not say a thing. 

He spotted Joshua eyeing him from the side. His friend pursed his lips, smiled and tilted his head, as if to reassure him, and it worked, sort of.

“Don’t think too much about it. Maybe they are just really late. They probably have their reasons. Let’s go in and start first.”

His train of thought were immediately broken and he turned to look at his friend. Just like that, Seungcheol was able to quieten down the slow-building ruckus and the 11 of them shuffled into the restaurant like little ducklings following their leader. They promptly got seated and started ordering food, when 12 notification chimes rang out.

All of them opened their KakaoTalk apps and read the new string of messages.

**Chat Group (13)**

**PrinceHoshi:  
Sorry guys, Jihoon and I wont be coming  
Jihoon is sick and grumpy  
And I have to battle a dragon**

Seconds later, a cute selfie of the two popped up on their screens. Soonyoung was grinning widely at the camera with his one arm reached out, holding the phone. Jihoon was slightly behind him, a thick blanket wrapped around him and a cup in his hand. He was looking down at the drink in his hand, which was raised closed to his mouth like he was about to take a sip.

The messages and picture seemed to answer all the doubts that were circulating in their head as the group began to chatter happily again. Minghao and Jun were busy discussing their latest choreography from the looks of it, though Jeonghan couldn’t catch a single word of their conversation with the amount of noise Seungkwan and Seokmin were making. The rest were focused the food that had just arrived at their tables, grilling meat and vegetables and munching on the heap of banchan. 

Jeonghan kept staring at his phone screen. He knew the others did not notice it, or if they did, they had ignored it as a sign of flu or chose not to say anything. Jihoon’s eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying for a long while. Only he knew what went down that day, only he knew he was hurt. He felt so bad, he could barely enjoy the piles of grilled meat Seungcheol had piled onto his plate.

But Soonyoung was there, he always was, more so than anyone else. He suspected that fellow had a thing for the short music prodigy, but they never progressed beyond their friendly ways. Despite that, he hoped Soonyoung would work his magic with Jihoon. It would take a great deal to heal a broken heart, but he was sure that the tiger would be able to defeat the shadows that loomed in Jihoon.

~~~

“So guys, you know about the national’s next week right? You guys want to come?”

All their head lifted up and faced Mingyu. Seokmin was the first to ask questions.

“But this week is finals right? The team made it to the finals?”

“Yeah! Can you believe it? Heeseung, Jay, Sunghoon and Niki will be playing. We should go support them!”

From the bubbling excitement, Jeonghan could tell how pleasantly surprised and excited they were at the news. Especially Seungcheol and Hansol, who were quick to whip out their phones again to send their regards to their juniors. (The four of them were forcefully kicked from the basketball group chat since they were alumni and ‘they were boomers now’, but Mingyu was the only one with the brains to save a few of their juniors numbers before that.) Everyone was talking about how proud they are for their basketball juniors, and it was only a matter of seconds before everyone booked seats in the Jamsil Sports Complex, squirming in their seats in anticipation for the upcoming game.

Jeonghan knew the four juniors Mingyu mentioned. They were an adorable bunch, like mini versions of Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Mingyu and Hansol. They were very, very talented in basketball, that was for sure, but that was not what made him remember them. Together with the three Animal Shelter members, the seven of them were a close-knit group, and his heart swelled every time he saw them hang out during lunch. Everything about them really reminded him about the 13 of them, how much a family they looked. He wondered if this was how others saw them, with so much admiration.

Half an hour later, they left the KBBQ place since their time was up and the power had long been cut from the grill. Wandering down the street, Jun, Minghao and Chan suddenly ran forward. Without looking, he knew that they were going to chope a spot at the dance corner to perform. They trio threw their bags at the only circle left vacant, earning a startled shout from a group of high schoolers who were a few meters away. (“Too bad!” Taunted Jun as he jumped into the circle and posed in victory.)

They decided to sit behind the three dancers began to set up their spot. Seungkwan and Hansol offered to help the rest buy some milk tea from a nearby store, so the two left almost immediately after placing their bags on the steps. The rest of them just sat and watched Minghao plug his phone into the portable speaker as Chan pulled up their cardboard signboard.

_Hi! We are the founders of Caratland Dance Company!  
Follow us on Instagram and Youtube if you enjoyed the show.  
@wjhuihui @horanghae @the8hao @futureofkpop   
Youtube: Caratland Koreos_

The moment the music started playing, a small crowded formed around the trio, who stood in their practiced formation and danced their hearts out. Jeonghan knew their group of friends were slowly becoming immersed in their performance when Mingyu, who sat beside him, eventually stopped talking to him and kept his eyes on their friends. 

However, Jeonghan could feel the cold stare coming from Wonwoo, who was on his other side. Glancing to his right, he realised the boy was not exactly looking at him, but at a certain olive-skinned, tall schoolmate of his. He smirked and turned to the unsuspecting man.

“Like what you see?”

Wonwoo almost leaped into the air upon hearing Jeonghan whisper into his ear. He glared at his friend, who only gave him an innocent look in return, but the latter broke into a laugh when he saw how red his ears became. Which he quickly stifled at one deadly look from Wonwoo.

“I’m sorry it’s just… You should have seen yourself!”

“I know how I look, thank you very much.”

Wonwoo laid his hands on his knees and rested his chin on his forearms.

It was no secret, at least to Jeonghan, that Wonwoo liked Mingyu. A lot. Whenever he played with the basketballers, he would catch the quiet boy staring a second too long when Mingyu caught a pass from him, or when Mingyu scored a point, or when Mingyu walked up to talk to the coach and passed by him. Essentially, whenever Mingyu did anything. That boy must seriously be in love to still like the beanpole after so many years. 

Jeonghan fully supported him. But seeing Wonwoo trying so hard to **not** confess to their friend was seriously frustrating. Every time the boy would choose to downplay his words and treat every outing as a friend outing (even going as far as to invite others to join their ‘date’), and Jeonghan wished he would just straight-out tell him his feelings. There was no point keeping it in him for so long, at one point it was bound to hurt (aka jihoon, too soon?)

“Do you want to switch places?”

“I’ll go help Seungkwan and Hansol with their drinks.”

Wonwoo quickly stood up and rushed toward the couple, where Seungkwan was trying to prevent a bag from falling off his pinky and Hansol was attempting to rescue that slipping bag. Some of them caught sight of the struggle and laughed at the duo.

“Look at them, they look like a comedy act.”

“Hey, that’s not nice.”

“Never said I was nice, Han.”

Mingyu gave him a teasing smile before watching Wonwoo grab a few bags of drinks off both Seungkwan and Hansol.

Jeonghan watched the scene before him unfold.

_When will Wonwoo ever confess?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STREAM HOME;RUN!!! Everyone looked so good :0


	12. Mingyu pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the same night, what a coincidence it must be for the same thing to happen at two ends of the city. So many surprises...

The basketball game was tomorrow, yet it was far from being the first thing on Jeonghan’s mind. Right now, he was more ‘concerned’ about a certain stubborn, lovesick boy seated on his bed on a Sunday night.

After yesterday’s meetup, Jeonghan made up his mind about Wonwoo. He would help that boy confess to the beanpole even if it was the last thing he would ever do.

Their story was easily the most out-of-the-book romance stories there could be. They are childhood friends: Mingyu lived on the 9th floor of the same apartment as Wonwoo, who lived on the 6th, and they met when Wonwoo fell at the park near their homes and Mingyu stayed behind to help him. They played with each other a lot as children, so much so that their parents eventually became good friends as well. They studied the same elementary school, middle school and ended up in the same class in Pledis High and they were never apart even for a minute. Every time he called Mingyu or texted Wonwoo, both of them would be hanging out with the other or at one of their houses studying (“He literally lives above me, its convenient.” “And that's just a very good excuse to spend more time with him.”)

The two of them were the dictionary definition of childhood sweethearts, he would pay to have a story like theirs, yet that was all they were. Just two best friends joint at the hip. They both knew Mingyu was bi and Wonwoo was gay (they came out to each other at the same time too) but somehow it never got into the latter’s head that it was a literal green light for him to confess. To break from the concrete-walled friend zone and take the chance to be with his soulmate. Wonwoo still thought it would be the end of the world if he even let his feelings slip from his lips within a 5-meter radius of Kim Mingyu.

Never mind that.

The plan now was to get him to finally talk. Wonwoo kept his head down as Jeonghan paced in front of him. It made quite the picture, like a mother and her child in one of those more serious talks (and honestly, he felt like his mother at this point). Spoon-feeding him every possible word of advice he could muster, yet every word went through his head like air.

“I am telling you. It’s not that hard. Just say it, quick and easy. Like ripping a band-aid.”

Wonwoo shifted in his seat and folded his arm.

“I’m not taking advice from a person who got dumped within 3 months.”

“That was a low blow, Wonwoo.”

“Just stating facts, hyung.”

Jeonghan dug his finger into his hair. He really felt like he was talking to a child at this point.

“Cheol, help me put here…”

Seungcheol, who sat on the floor, next to his study desk, looked up from his phone.

“He’s got a point you know.”

Wonwoo broke into a broad smile.

“You should really tell him how you feel.”

Wonwoo slouched back into the bed.

“Hyung, I thought you were on my side~”

Jeonghan butted in.

“There is really no harm trying. You guys are so close. Even if he rejects you, I am sure you guys will still remain best friends. Maybe you will even laugh about it in the future and all.”

“But what if things get awkward? That always happens in shows. There is no way things can go back to being the same after saying it.”

Jeonghan took a seat next to Seungcheol before replying. Walking around his room for the past 30 minutes made his legs sore.

“Mingyu adores you. I am sure he would not mind.”

Wonwoo turned to face them.

“But I mind. I am so scared I wouldn’t be able to face him if he doesn’t like me back. I rather not know whether he likes me back than to make things worse for myself.

Jeonghan couldn’t find the words to answer him. He knew that fear and how paralysing it was, but while Jeonghan believed himself to be a realist, Wonwoo was more pessimistic than most. He was prone to thinking the worst out of everything (which was right now) and that usually stopped him from trying many things. Even Mingyu struggled to help the boy think more hopefully about things.

“Would you be able to live with it? Hiding this secret from him?”

He was surprised by Seungcheol’s sudden response.

“I… No.”

“So tell him. He deserves to know about this. Not because he would be the receiving end of the confession, but because he would be more worried knowing you are hiding something this big from him and not letting him be with you through this. He cares so much about you and you are his best friend. Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other, so just take the risk. Risk it all for him. It will be scary, it will hurt if things go the other way, but he is worth it, isn’t he?”

Wonwoo stayed silent for a while, refusing to meet Seungcheol in the eye. After a while, a small nod came from him.

“You don’t have to carry this to the grave, Wonwoo. Feelings are inevitable, so share them like you did with us. Do it for yourself as well, not just him. Give yourself a chance at happiness and love. Life works in mysterious ways, but it is still kind. It brought so many of us together, like him to you, so let it work its magic. I know for a fact that you and him are meant to last, be it as friends or more.”

Seungcheol got up onto his knees and leaned forward to give the boy a firm pat on the arm.

“After all of this, you will never look back again. I promise.”

Wonwoo looked at him like he were some sage, and the hopeful shine in his eyes stayed this time. His face lit up in some sort of determination as he sat up and thanked them. Before leaving, he turned back to face Seungcheol again, so gave him a thumbs up, and that was enough to send him running happily out the door.

Jeonghan stared at the back of his friend who watched the boy run down the corridor. The words he spoke struck a chord with him and he could only remain speechlessly in awe as he recounted his inspiring advice. He’d never taken Seungcheol to have any dating experience: that boy was too busy playing basketball with the guys and gaming in his room to even bat an eye at a girl in their class. Yet here he was, delivering the most touching speech on romance ever. Some surprise, this was.

He kept his eyes on Seungcheol as he slumped back to lie on the floor of his dorm to bathe in the moonlight streaming through his window. The silvery rays made his skin exceptionally bright, glowing even. Not a single teasing word came out as he admired the handsome figure laying on his floor, eyes closed and relaxed. He felt a bit of heat reach his ears, and he quickly stood up to head to his cupboard.

For a moment, he made himself believe in a world where they had been together, as lovers. It could happen, right? Life works in mysterious ways, he had said. They knew each other for so long. They were close enough to even share a bed sometimes. Maybe, just maybe... That would never happen.

Yet he let the slightest possibility burrowed itself in the back of his mind, leaving him blissfully dreaming of a far-off land with shining lights, purple flowers and just the two of them against the world.

Realist? He was a goddamn romanticist.

He should stop watching all the k-dramas Seungcheol recommended him. It was getting into his head.

~~~

Mingyu stared at his dorm neighbour as he came back from his room wearing a light blue cardigan, a long black-haired wig and a pull-string bag.

“And how is this supposed to help me?”

Joshua popped up from the side of the door and passed Seokmin a bracelet to wear on his wrist.

“You can practice your long confession speech on him now. He is a splitting image, don’t you think?”

Mingyu rolled his eyes and walked to his chair.

“This looked more like a joke than a practice. And his hair was auburn not black. I am also very sure he doesn’t dress like that nowadays.”

Seokmin pranced forward and stuck his face close to his.

“Wow, look who noticed. Lover boy’s got it bad.”

The tall boy rolled his eyes again, making sure to exaggerate the action (so as to make his friend laugh at his antics), before turning back to his table to work on his computer. While Seokmin pestered him, Joshua noticed a silhouette outside of the gate. Upon closer inspection, he realised it was Seungkwan.

“Hey, Seungkwan! Back from your date so soon?”

The brown-haired boy heard Joshua’s shout and looked up at his friend frantically waving at him. 

“Nonie’s got a test tomorrow so he went back early!”

“So no action tonight?”

“Oh my god! Don’t say that so loud, arghh!!”

Seungkwan took off in the direction of his room and slammed the door right behind him. Joshua grinned at the flustered boy, but soon turned his attention to the squabbling duo behind him. Mingyu was clearly getting annoyed at Seokmin’s insistence that he used him as a way to rehearse his confession tomorrow (he was still amusingly shocked that he had a well-kept long wig in his cupboard after spending months as his roommate. Where and why he got it, he chose to not ask). But the other boy paid no heed to the former’s endless list of excuses.

The american student watched the scene unfurl before him, but let his mind wander off to a tangent. Mingyu was going to confess, so it must be him, right? Even though he wasn’t sure if anyone else had any lurking feelings of infatuation for his friend, many signs pointed towards the tall boy seated in front of him failing to shake of the long-haired boy.

For one, no one has ever heard of this before. At least he had never thought it to be possible. Mingyu was charming and sociable, so every acquaintance he made and every person he was with just seemed so… intimate. Blame his overly-touchy nature (the exact opposite of Jihoon, the irony). The guy just seemed to be flirting with everyone, even the teachers. For him to come to them asking for what flowers he liked was news no one had expected at all. Even Seungcheol was more likely to have a crush than him.

Other than that, the timeline of events seemed to match as well. Joshua had accompanied him to the bookstore to buy envelopes (brown ones too) some days before Valentine’s. He remembered because Mingyu, for one, never visited the bookstore. On Valentine’s day, the tall guy disappeared from his afternoon lesson, appearing at the end to apologise to the professor, collect his notes, and dash back out the lecture hall. 

Joshua was frankly at a loss at the moment. Knowing he was going to confess tomorrow made him feel like he had the moral obligation to at least warn his friend. He should at least not be completely taken by surprise and be mentally prepared to ask him about it. But deep down, he wanted Mingyu to properly confess, to tell him how he felt and sweep him off his feet. His dear friend deserved to have another chance at a relationship after what happened a few years back, and Mingyu would be good for him (something still bugged him though).

“What’s going on here?”

He turned around to find Seungkwan peeking over his shoulders at the mess in the room.

“Mingyu’s gonna confess to someone tomorrow!”

Seungkwan took a long glance at Seokmin’s outfit.

“And what is that supposed to be?”

“I am his pretend crush, of course! He needs to practice his profound speech and win the heart of…”

“I didn’t even ask you to do this. Please just let me do this on my own.”

Seokmin pouted before standing up and dragging his feet out of the room and into his own room next door. The door closed shut soon after. Joshua took one last look at his friend slouching over the table.

“Well, I’ll be off then. Gotta do some damage control in my room. Call me when Wonwoo comes back, I need his half of the report.”

Mingyu raised his hand up and showed him a thumbs up, so the american student pulled the door close, pushing Seungkwan back with him. The brown-haired boy looked at him worriedly.

“Are… Are you going to tell hyung?”

Joshua knew that Seungkwan was aware of the letter after hearing the story that day, but it was surprising that the young boy could catch onto his thoughts and observations so quickly. He must have been equally concerned for him too.

“I won’t. Maybe… it would be better for him.”

Seungkwan looked confused at his reply, but said nothing as he walked back to him room down the corridor.

“Jeonghan-hyung better not break his heart too. Jihoon was enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan is starting to have some sort of awareness now, yay, but he still needs a little more of a push, something to really make him realise... :)
> 
> Anyways i am so proud of my babies, they had such a good night today with 2 big awards! Omg they looked absolutely fabulous in suits I am just taking them in aahhh~ Seventeen World Domination leggo!! Keep streaming Home;run!!


	13. Mingyu pt3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What went down at the bleachers...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK I AM SO SORRY I HAD EXAMS, GRADUATION, JOBS ETC I WASN'T ABLE TO WRITE PROPERLY MIANHAE!!! But now that i am back enjoy the update!  
> We are almost nearing the most important part of the story!!

_“Sorry! Excuse me!”_

_“Hi Ms Lee! Bye Ms Lee!”_

_“Sorry!”_

_The four basketball players were sprinting up the stairs, through the long corridors and avoiding the hoards of students crowding the way to the hall. It would have been a breeze for Mingyu to run this short distance, but their last regional match just ended barely half an hour ago. He was sore, tired and above all, sleepy after two and a half hours of playing against one of the strongest teams in Seoul. The other three were not any better._

_They had lost by 2 points, which disappointed the graduating players a lot. Mingyu had hoped they would win so that they could brag to their friends later that day. They had trained so hard over the past months, just for a chance to win first place and clinch a spot in the Nationals, yet their efforts fell short just by those two points. They would graduate having never reclaimed their school’s title as the once-famous Shining Diamonds team._

_(Seungcheol and Mingyu cried as their juniors huddled them into a big group hug and cheered on the four of them, signalling the end of their time as high school basketballers. Vernon and Wonwoo smiled warmly at their teammate’s emotional outburst, even though glistening tears were visible along their eyes.)_

_But that failure was the least of their worries now._

_They were already 10 minutes late to the show._

_Blame whatever mystical forces working against them. The boys knew that their final game was set for that friday, which just so happened to be their school’s anniversary, so the principal decided to hold their Art Showcase Week Finale on the very same day. They were devastated to know that they would miss their friends performing, especially since both the Choir and MoonWalker had some special things prepared for the evening show. But they had it all planned out. Since the Showcase Finale was at 7pm, and their game would start at 4.30 in the afternoon, they could make it back to school in 15 mins if Hansol’s dad could drive them to the show right after the game ended, and still have time to change and clean up a bit before taking their seats._

_Yet, as Wonwoo had accurately predicted, the game over-ran by a lot (the opposing team players were a tough lot to beat). By the time they found Hansol’s dad waving frantically next to his car along the nearly deserted road, the finale was due to start in five minutes. With his permission, the four of them wiped down their sweat with towels and hastily changed into their shirts and pants. They had to button their shirts while running to the main gate of the school, earning disapproving looks from the security guards sitting at the side. When they reached the hall, smelling like wet dogs, it was only a miracle that the announcer had just made her way to the podium._

_“And that was the School’s marching band with their rendition of Cruel Angel’s Thesis from the Japanese animated show Evangelion. It was a stunning piece, wasn’t it? I saw many students out there clapping along to the melody as well!”_

_Wonwoo caught up to Mingyu’s side and held onto his knees shakingly, attempting to catch his breath._

_“Damn, I would have liked to watch that.”_

_Seungcheol and Vernon came back running._

_“Guys, I can’t find any seats in the hall. It’s so packed this year.”_

_“Even Mr Han came to watch. He brought his daughter along as well!”_

_Mingyu looked towards the front of the hall, where Mr Han Sung Soo, who they knew as their homeroom teacher, was talking animatedly to a small girl dressed in purple._

_“Since when did he even buy the tickets? That scrooge wouldn’t even pay for our class get-together lunch when he ate the most.”_

_“Everyone shut up!”_

_Mingyu, Wonwoo and Vernon quickly stopped talking at the sound of Seungcheol’s strict ‘Dad’ voice. They hovered at the back of the crowd (it wasn’t a big problem when they were all taller than the swarm of Year 1s standing behind the last row of seats) and waited in anticipation for the announcer to start the performance._

_“For the first time, the School Choir is collaborating with our very own dance team, MoonWalker, for a well-loved song, Eyes, Nose, Lips, rearranged by Class 3-7’s Lee Jihoon.”_

_The hall exploded with cheers of anticipation as the maroon curtains rose, revealing Jeonghan, Joshua, Jihoon, Seokmin and Seungkwan on the left of the stage, dressed in dazzling navy suits with a heavy layer of makeup on their faces. Soonyoung, Junhui, Minghao and Chan were positioned at the right with their hurriedly made dark blue outfits. Mingyu scrambled to take out his phone and was lucky enough to start recording just as the piano melody resonated throughout the hall._

_Some of the singers also began singing at this moment, humming with the tune of the song. Minghao made the first move, standing up from his place and gracefully traversing the stage floor in big, grand movements. When the rest followed suit in their own elegant, coordinated movements, he noticed how even his friends in the choir, who have yet to sing a note, were admiring in awe at the dance. The gentle aura of the choreography certainly contrasted their usual intense moves and was indeed spectacular. He wasn’t going to let this moment pass by without something to remember it by._

_Mingyu saw Jeonghan hiding his hand behind his back, counting down to the first bar of the song. His face was furrowed with concentration. He always found this quirk of his rather cute._

_The piano introduction waned into a soft note._

_Joshua stepped forward, took a deep breath, and sang._

_**“Don’t be sorry,  
That makes me more pitiful  
With your pretty red lips  
Please hurry, kill me and go  
I’m all right.”** _

_Jihoon was the next to come forward to sing._

_**“Look at me one last time  
Smile like nothing’s wrong,  
So when I miss you, I can remember  
So I can draw your face in my mind.”** _

_As Jeonghan, then Seungkwan and Seokmin, stepped forward to sing the pre-chorus, it became apparent that the performance was like a farewell show for the seniors. The nine of them shone like diamonds on the small stage, and everyone was enchanted by their talent. Everyone including Mingyu._

_He couldn’t stop looking at Jeonghan, who was simply radiant under the spotlight. The pride and joy that shone on his face as he harmonised with the other four singers was magnetic. The tall guy decided to zoom into the video, attempting to capture the angelic beauty of Yoon Jeonghan in that very moment._

_**“Your eyes, nose, lips  
Your touch that used to touch me,  
To the ends of your fingertips  
I can still feel you  
But like a burnt out flame,  
Burnt and destroyed all of our love  
It hurts so much, but now  
I’ll call you a memory.”** _

_Seokmin’s part draws to a close, and Mingyu turned around, hoping to talk to Wonwoo about the performance, but he was nowhere to be seen by his side. Scanning the crowd, he spotted a glimpse of Wonwoo’s blue jacket disappear behind the side door._

_This worried Mingyu immensely. It was unlike Wonwoo to just leave the group without telling anyone anything, so there must be something wrong. Seungcheol and Hansol seemed to have no clue about the situation, so in a moment of panic, he shoved his phone into Seungcheol’s hands. His surprise was comical: if not for the worry building up in him over his friend’s disappearance, he would be laughing at his gaping mouth and saucer-wide eyes._

_“Keep recording it for me!”_

_He saw Seungcheol stutter for a while, unable to phrase any word as Mingyu squeezed himself through the crowd and out the door._

~~~

Jay made the shoot right before the half-time bell. A three-pointer that slid through the hoop with ease. Jeonghan had always envied the boy for his prodigious athleticism, but seeing it in the heat of a competition brought him to his feet, screaming his lungs out as the umpire called the final points for the round. All 13 of them were ecstatic when they saw Pledis High in the lead with exactly three points, but not as much as the boys down at the court, cheering and giving each other sturdy pats on the back at their victory.

They know it was far from over: after the break, they had two more rounds that could still make or break the game. Yet none of them could care to worry about the possibilities. This was their best score to date. Even Seungcheol’s team struggled to keep their 1 point gap during their game, yet the four juniors played with such confidence and power, it would be shocking if they didn’t win.

Heeseung was the first to run back to the bench during the start of the break, panting away with a bright smile on his face. Jay and Sunghoon were muttering between themselves by the corner, probably discussing strategy for the next round (They were such detailed people, yet their plans always seemed to only work if both of them discussed. Jay should never be left to think of ideas on his own though, based on numerous past experiences). Niki was nowhere to be seen, but Seokmin said that he saw him dash out of the court in a hurry, so he might be at the toilet.

Jeonghan reached for the cup of cola next to his feet and glanced around him.

They were glad that the game was free seating, which gave them time to arrive early, buy as many snacks and drinks they could hold, and drop by the side door to wish them a good game. And they have got a good view as well, all thanks to Jihoon and Soonyoung staying in their seats, while the rest ran off to do their things, and holding on to 13 seats in the front two rows.

Next to him, Seungcheol was relentlessly snapping pictures of his juniors when the team spotted the large group of alumni sitting in the crowd. At the rate he was taking photos, he was very sure that he would need to transfer them into his computer again (for the 3rd time in 6 months). Nevertheless, it was adorable to see his proud grin as he focused on Sunghoon posing for his camera in his sweat-drenched attire.

Mingyu, who sat on his other side, was jumping up and down like an excited kid, waving at the players who returned the gesture with equal enthusiasm. Seungkwan, Hansol, Soonyoung and Seokmin had also noticed their actions, and were cheering loudly (even though their voices were greatly drowned out by the brassy speaker announcements and the chattering audience). 

The rest stayed in their seats, but still waved upon hearing Seokmin and Seungkwan’s piercing screams. Jun seemed a little engrossed in something on his phone, while Joshua, with his back turned away from him, was talking to Chan about things he couldn’t catch in the noisy environment.

Jeonghan spotted Niki from the corner of his eye trying to get his attention, and with his drink in his mouth, he gave a small wave to the boy who beamed at the sight.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s almost time for the third quarter. Do return to your seats as the players start preparing for the game.” 

Jeonghan gently placed the cola on the floor again and brought his attention back to the players who were now huddled in a circle, doing their usual team talk.

“Jeonghan, are you free later?” 

He turned around to find Mingyu leaning in towards him. Too closely in fact. 

“No, sorry. I have to finish up my term assignment tonight.” 

“Then could you… Um…” 

Jeonghan stared at his friend as he struggled to formulate his sentences. His face was almost turning cherry red.

“Are you feeling alright, Mingyu?”

“I…” 

“Players get to your positions!” 

The blaring speaker cut him off. When he raised an eyebrow, signalling him to continue his sentence, Mingyu shook his head slightly and turned back to face the court.

Seungcheol must have noticed his weird reactions, as well, as he tapped him on the shoulder and asked him about what happened.

“I think he is not feeling too great. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

Seungcheol gave Mingyu another glance, to double-check.

“I hope he makes it to the end. Wonwoo is only going to talk to him after the game ends.” 

“Yeah, let’s hope our plan doesn’t fall through later.”

~

They were down to the last minute.

The court was musky with the heavy scent of the player’s sweat, but no one looked bothered by the smell. Everyone had their eyes glued on to Sunghoon, who dribbled the ball around an opponent, dodging his defence masterfully. However, an incoming player slammed his arm into the ball and passed it right into the opponent’s hand, who raced back to the net, trailed closely by Heeseung. The players were all visibly drained, yet the determination was still strong in their every movement. Niki made an attempt to grab the ball, but failed as it slipped off from his hand and bounced away.

Jeonghan could feel the tension among his friends. All those in the front row have already inched forward to the edge of their seats. Hansol gripped onto his phone tightly, following the ball while keeping his eye on the game before him and whispering to Seungkwan who had a death grip on his boyfriend’s forearm. Jihoon was staring intently at the players, studying their every move like a hawk. Minghao, who was never a fan of sports, had stood up to cheer for the juniors. Everyone had their whole attention in the court.

But not everyone. It was on accident that Jeonghan spotted Mingyu fiddling with his fingers nervously. He found Wonwoo in a similar situation next to him, constantly peeking to his side to find his friend staring forward and not sparing him a single glance.

10 seconds were left on the clock.

Jay intercepted the ball from an attempted pass and ran forward to the net.

8 seconds.

Mingyu clawed at his jeans, his eyes still looking forward, but not at the game. He was looking at the clock.

6 seconds.

He bended down slightly, preparing to shoot. In a split moment, he jumped and threw the ball at an awaiting Sunghoon (Seungcheol gasped loudly at that moment). The boy ran and side-stepped to dodge an opponent.

4 seconds.

Wonwoo turned around to face Mingyu, who had yet to notice his friend’s anxious energy. It was unlike him to not realise these little things about Wonwoo. 

2 seconds.

Sunghoon threw the ball. It went into the hoop. 

The crowd goes wild.

Time’s up.

Wonwoo raised his hand to tap on Mingyu’s shoulders. It was now or never.

But Mingyu turned his head. Away from Wonwoo. Towards him. He saw the resolute in his eyes, but that confused him further. Wonwoo was supposed to confess now. Mingyu should be facing him, not the person sitting on the other side. The boy behind Mingyu was evidently surprised, shocked even, by the unexpected occurrence. He gave Jeonghan a terrified look.

He looked back at the tall boy, tilting his head. Mingyu grabbed both his hands and pulled them towards him.

Jeonghan yelped at the force. 

He heard Seungcheol mumbling confusedly behind him. He must have heard him just now.

“Jeonghan-ah, are you o…”

“Yoon Jeonghan. I like you. I like you a lot.” 

He sat there, unable to speak, or move, or respond.

Wonwoo’s eyes widened upon hearing his words, slapping his hands onto his mouth.

Mingyu simple smiled at him.

“Please… Go out with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it got real, shit went down. I wonder what will happen next. Vote SVT for MAMA leggo!!


	14. Mingyu pt4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes crashing down, just like that.

If one were to ask Jeonghan what was going around him at that moment, he could briefly tell you from what he could hear.

The loud, excited cheers of those on the bleachers at the end of the game. The cries of joy from below as the players from Pledis High shed tears in their victory. Fallen popcorn bins. Feet jumping up and down on the concrete floor. The whistle of the huge school flag being waved around behind him.

But he could not tell you what he saw.

At that very second, all he could focus on was Mingyu standing right in front of him.

As for what was going on in his head…

Nothing.

His mind was perpetually a blank slate. It was honestly a miracle he wasn’t freaking out and running out like a headless chicken (not like he could, with Seungcheol seated behind him, trapping him to deal with his current dilemma). It was an even bigger miracle he managed to say anything after.

“What… What are you saying? You aren’t pulling my leg, right?”

Mingyu looked down and began fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“No. I… You don’t have to answer now. It’s really okay. I just… It’s been quite a while actually. I think ever since the first time we met, but... Remember the Art Showcase Finale? I think I really started liking you then.”

The performance was almost a year ago. He remembered it like it was yesterday. The heat of the spotlight, the echoes of the crowd’s cheers...

Seungcheol’s tiny silhouette at the back of the hall waving at him.

“I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I have always found you really pretty and kind and amazing and… I just wanted you to know that I really do like you. I didn't want to tell you anything at first, since we went to different universities and all, but I don't know. I suddenly had this impulse of sorts. To just tell you up front despite all the obstacles and risks.”

Mingyu looked up. There was so much hope in his eyes, he almost felt bad that in his head, he did not have a single thought about saying yes to him. 

“So, if you don’t mind, would you go out with me?”

The next few second was utter chaos.

Jun, who apparently heard the latter half of the whole confession, was stuttering as he looked back and forth between Mingyu and Jeonghan, struggling to speak. He was shaking Chan next to him, who was too engrossed in waving back to Niki, and trying to get his attention. Joshua noticed Jun’s frenzied reaction and eventually realised the tense air that surrounded his friends seated at the back. He gave him a confused look, which he could only reply with a small hand gesture to tell him to drop it for now. 

But when he finally looked around properly, he saw that everyone had their eyes on them. Seungkwan whispered something to Hansol, but their gaze felt painfully heavy on him. Seokmin looked around confusingly and later turned Joshua to ask him what was going on, but was quickly silenced by a stern glare from the boy. Even Jihoon was looking at him with so much concern, it hurt him to remember the same eyes carrying so much pain just weeks ago. Jeonghan didn’t dare to look back at him again, but looking in front of him at the tall, puppy-eyed boy was not any better, so he kept his head low.

He hated the overwhelming attention. It wasn’t like the old choir days on stage, or the rare moments he received awards for menial accomplishments. Their presence, for the first time in four years, felt suffocating. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to leave.

Mingyu noticed the stares as well, and began to smile awkwardly at their friends.

“Ehehe, why are you all…”

Jeonghan didn’t catch the rest of Mingyu’s words, as from behind him, he heard the shuffle of Seungcheol’s feet. He turned to face him, searching for reassurance from his friend, his ever-reliable friend. Seungcheol would know how he was feeling right now, he practically knew about his whole situation from start to end. Seungcheol would defend him and tell Mingyu to give him some space to think, tell the others to stop staring and mind their own business. Seungcheol would talk to him, listen to him, and comfort him.

Yet Jeonghan was met with a set of unfeeling, deep-set eyes with no sign of its usual warmth and spark. He has never seen him like this before. It was like an empty shell: cold, emotionless and dead. 

Seungcheol stood up and walked past him, not even sparing him a glance. Instead, he ran up to Wonwoo who was just seated behind Mingyu with an equally cold look on his face. Upon closer inspection, he saw the faint shine of tears on his eyes and the redness growing on his face. Seungcheol approached him, trying to talk to him, but the boy didn’t care to hear what he had to say. He immediately stood up and ran off, leaving the rest of them even more shocked than before.

“Wonwoo, don’t!”

Seungcheol took off after him. Jeonghan desperately wanted to follow, until he saw Mingyu’s face.

There was some sort of realisation that fell upon him. He kept staring at the disappearing figures of his friends, yet despite the outreached hand, he did not go after them. Like he was glued to his seat, weighed down by something in him.

Like how Jeonghan felt like it was impossible for him to go after Seungcheol.

~~~

_Camp Day and Dawn was a short two-day one-night outdoor camp held for the graduating seniors after their National United Achievement Test. The students would be driven to a lodge situated far from the city hustle and bustle for ‘a day or two of complete relaxation and fun’, where they could do practically anything they wanted as long as the lodge was able to provide the equipments. Even better, the camp was completely subsidised by the school, regarded as the Principal’s treat to the seniors for their years of hard work coming to an end. Rumour had it that the lodge was so luxurious, it put the Principal’s own newly refurbished house to shame (so maybe that was where half their school budget went to every year)._

_After two years of hearing such grand and extravagant stories from seniors returning from their own trips, the thirteen of them had their expectations raised so high for their end of year camp that when their homeroom teacher broke the news that they wouldn’t be going to the same lodge that year, Jeonghan felt his stomach drop. Seungcheol and Joshua wore similarly bothered looks as they looked up at their teacher who was attempting to dissipate the air of anxiety in the classroom to no avail, and that was all the confirmation he needed to know they thought the same as him._

_**This year was going to be the worst.** _

_Yet things went… surprisingly well._

_Their bus dropped them off at an old camping site, stranding their entire class in the middle of the woods with their backpacks filled with barely enough necessities (“Why are there no hot showers here?!” “I am just glad we even have a shower.”) After a torturous banter with the stubborn, half-deaf old man who owned the camp site, which mainly involved Jeonghan mustering every trick in the book he knew to persuade the old man and Seokmin and Soonyoung’s combined, continuous begging, they were able to retrieve eight tents to be shared between their class and more than enough sleeping bags for everyone to use. Jun’s quick thinking also got them lots of chopped wood and fire starters, perfect for a campfire._

_So after a full day of setting up tents, eating tteokbokki and ramyeon with luncheon meat and kimchi (curtesy of Minghao, who hauled a luggage of food despite everyone’s insistence. “Now look who was right.”) and nearly starting a wildfire, the class was lazing around the fire on that cold winter night, half of them barely keeping their eyes open as the wind lulled them into sleep._

_While it was not buffets and warm beds and hot springs, the day was fun. Tiring, no doubt, but they got to see the shimmery fish swimming around the cold lake waters, and the last of the autumn leaves falling off the trees like a bright orange shower. They got to laugh at Chan tripping into a half-finished tent and getting berated by the girls for ruining their work. They enjoyed their first sunset in years, having never been able to get out of studying until the middle of the night to see such a sight, and Jeonghan had to admit, he loved how the sky turned pink and purple as twilight set upon them._

_He looked around him and found all of his friends awake, gazing into the amber flames flickering in front of them. They all seemed deep in thought, yet at peace all at the same time. It’s been so long since he had seen Seungcheol without his usual dark eye bags or Soonyoung this quiet (in a relaxed way). Jeonghan smiled at the sight: it would forever he etched in his head, this rare moment of tranquility among the thirteen of them._

_Suddenly, Minghao let out a laugh, which caught the rest of their attention._

_“Ah, I’m sorry. I just… This is so weird. The group has never been this quiet, even when we sleep. But, it feels nice though, doesn’t it? We are just together, no school, no tests, no competitions. Just… Chilling.”_

_Jun responded with a mocking smile._

_“You make us sound like we are some gangsters with nothing better to do!”_

_“But we really have nothing to do now!”_

_Chan pointed out._

_No one could disagree. For once in their years of school, they could finally just… talk like simple teenagers._

_“Anyone has got plans for the new year?”_

_“Other than thinking about how I probably flunked the National Exams? Probably going to keep making dance videos and all. Gotta keep my few hundred subscribers happy!”_

_Soonyoung had been sick for three days before the day of the exams. During the tests, Jeonghan could hear his sniffling from the back of the examination room and afterwards, he had locked himself at home for days. Despite his somewhat-cheerful response, he knew he felt defeated, lost and alone._

_“You will do fine. You are going to ace the Korean and Geography section.”_

_Jihoon said, giving his friend a pat on the back._

_“At most you can just start your own dance studio or something. Who knows? I heard you can earn good money doing choreographies for those big-shot Kpop idol groups.”_

_Soonyoung perked up immediately at Mingyu’s comment, but didn’t say anything as he kept his eyes on the campfire, avoiding everyone’s gaze. Jeonghan could see the gears turning in his head, as the idea settled into his mind, never to leave. Oblivious to his friend’s reaction (or the unnatural lack thereof), Mingyu continued talking._

_“What about the rest of you? What do you guys plan to do?”_

_Jun and Minghao were deep in conversation between themselves, but kept looking back at Soonyoung who still hasn’t said a word since his last reply. Other than their hushed whispers, the rest of them fell into a dead silence once again. No one had really thought that far into their future yet, with the rush of the exam preparations and the hoard of extra-curricular activities leaving them no time to consider. Except Jihoon, who had long set his eyes on a prestigious music school. Even Seungcheol had no plans. The question stunned them all._

_A minute or so later, Hansol was the first to speak._

_“I… actually want to do music composition. Or producing music or whatever it’s called. Anything that lets me write songs.”_

_Jeonghan was surprised. The boy was a creative soul for sure, but his aptitude was more for writing. Song lyrics, maybe. But he had never seen Hansol touch an instrument or even used those fancy music composition apps Jihoon had installed in his computer. The others were also taken aback by his decision, expect the one leaning against him. Seungkwan looked as if he had expected this all along._

_He tilted his head up while still keeping it rested on his shoulders._

_“I remembered you told me about it once but… I didn’t think you were that serious about that idea.”_

_“Sorry I didn’t tell you anything. I wanted to decide on my own, that’s all.”_

_“Nah, it’s fine. Now I get to listen to music for free. Stupid MelOn account.”_

_The mood lightened as the rest joined in to ask Hansol about his new-found interest in music (Jihoon was particularly bugging him with technical questions no one else understood). Jeonghan grinned at the rising commotion as their classmates slowly woke up from their slumber and trudged back to their tents, mumbling and cursing at the freezing weather and the amount of noise they were making._

_While others found it annoying, he found it quite endearing, the cheery long talks and small fights._

_“What about you, Jeonghan? Got any plans?”_

_He turned to his left to find Seungcheol staring back at him with inquisitive eyes._

_“I’ll probably go do something more useful than sleeping all day.”_

_“That’s a good plan. I’ll do that too.”_

_Jeonghan smirked at his reply._

_“You need the opposite, Cheol. Try sleeping more than five hours every day first. Look at the miracle that your first full night of sleep had done for your eye bags!”_

_“But my Kdramas…”_

_“Too bad, too sad.”_

_“Well, I guess I will have to find someone who thinks my eye bags are hella cute!”_

_The both of them laughed into the dark night sky. At that moment, a streak of white crossed the black canvas of the sky. Jeonghan spotted the shooting star first, and eagerly grabbed Seungcheol’s hands, pressing them together like he was praying. Jeonghan did the same._

_“Cheol! Make a wish! Now!”_

_He closed his eyes and thought very hard what he wanted. Grades and awards never mattered a lot to him, and he had no strong ambitions other than to provide for his family. But hearing the chatter of his friends still conversing about their dream universities and outlandish plans about what they would do in the holidays, and the Seungcheol’s steady breathing beside his ear, he settled on one, important wish._

_He wished for his friends to never leave him. He wanted to experience his adulthood with them as well, go through every failed application, every boring day of work and university, every train ride around town._

_Especially Seungcheol. He just couldn’t imagine a day without hanging out with the goofy, soft-hearted fool. Two and a half years seemed like an eternity: he could barely remember a good day without his laugh._

_(Unbeknownst to Jeonghan, a set of wandering eyes were locked onto him, captivated by the golden aura around him created by the fire’s glow. Mingyu looked up at the sky and made his wish, just as Seungcheol and Jeonghan finished theirs and resumed their teasing remarks at each other.)_

~~~

Things got uncomfortable afterwards.

No one knew how to respond to the situation (half of them couldn’t even comprehend the situation, but the uneasiness coming from the back row made them even more worried), which left the two of them awkwardly seated together as the players made their way to collect their grand prize. The cheers and merry cries were like a heavy reminder that they were still at their junior’s game, that they should be celebrating the historical victory, but he can’t. Jeonghan can’t

Not after everything that had happened. How could a perfectly simple confession turn into the most uncomfortable situation he had ever? It wasn’t supposed to be like this in the first place. Wonwoo was the one who was suppose to confess, not Mingyu. And especially not to him! Was it his fault that everything Wonwoo had planned got ruined? Jeonghan really didn’t know.

Mingyu was quiet beside him, which was weird considering that a few minutes ago, he was rattling on with his confession without a care about his surroundings. He didn’t dare to ask what was going on with him, not when his head was swarming with questions about where and why Seungcheol left. 

What was with his face? 

Why did he go after Wonwoo? 

Why did he leave him alone?

“Hannie, I think I need to grab my report from your room, can we go now before I get locked out of my own dorm?”

Joshua’s voice brought him back to reality. As he opened his mouth to formulate a reply, he found himself unable to say anything.

He was so lost.

He needed someone, anyone.

“Come on. Let’s go. I am not running after the last bus because of your lazy ass later.”

With a gentle tug, Jeonghan was guided through the people shouting and dancing at their seats. He dared not look up: he was sure his friends were still staring even when he walked out the doors of the sports hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, this has got to be one of the worst written chapters I have done, but I hope you enjoy it just the same. I hope i can post the next chapter after I am done watching MAMA 2020. 
> 
> ps. this flashback was partly inspired by TTT 2019, can't wait for TTT 2020


	15. ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The biggest question of all finally has an answer.

“Shua… What do I do now?”

Despite being seated in the comfort of his bed, changed into a t-shirt and shorts befitting the warm midsummer night, the weight of that day’s turn of events made it impossible to feel anything but calm and relaxed. At least he was in his dorm room, away from the perpetrator and the many sets of scary eyes. But he couldn’t shake off the intrusive thoughts poking at him.

Mingyu, the oversized puppy he loved as a little brother (like every other friend he had), just confessed. He liked him, in ways that had never crossed his mind. Sure, he stole the hearts of many back in their high school days, from girls and guys alike, and he had to admit he had a nice face. That meant nothing more than a casual appreciation of his natural handsomeness though. 

To him, Mingyu would always be the smiley kid who forever sat at the back due to his height. The clumsy beanpole who could not live through a day of school without breaking something or falling flat on his face tripping on something. The “older” brother to many, from basketball juniors, to acquaintances and classmates, to Minghao, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Hansol and Dino.

How could he see him in any other way?

It made his skin crawl to even think about the possibility. Them holding hands, going on dates and acting cuddly, and… Kissing?

No way. The thought itself upset his stomach.

Not to mention the letter currently lying on top of his study desk, like a blinking neon sign reminder of the obvious sub-problem. If Mingyu had liked him for as long as he claimed it to be, then it made him almost certainly the writer of the love letter. Every detail matched almost perfectly to his own words at the game. If it was him, would that mean his search was over? Just like that? With another rejection to add to the small pile he had this year?

(It wasn’t like he didn’t expect it. Hell, he had been preparing for this for months. But it wouldn’t hurt to dream of a happier, more romantic ending, wouldn’t it? What a helpless idealist he was.)

And if only that was his only worry.

Seungcheol leaving him so suddenly, with that kind of expression on his face was a mystery that unsettled him immensely. Jeonghan couldn’t put an exact word as to why. It was just so shocking and un-Seungcheol-like. And somewhere at the back of his head, he believed he was the reason behind his change. It was like some silent treatment a wife would use on their husband when they got made, a fitting comparison seeing how there had been not a single text or call from him in the past four hours. He had avoided his eye contact when he turned to him, without a doubt, and made such an effort to completely ignore him just to get to Wonwoo. 

To Wonwoo.

Jeonghan gritted his teeth at that name.

He should be feeling sorry for the poor boy. His rare act of confidence (and partial shamelessness) all fell through at the unexpected confession: he was undoubtedly crushed by the whole situation. He deserved at least a friend to be by his side to console him, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. 

Like Joshua was to him.

Or Soonyoung and Jihoon.

Seungkwan and Hansol…

The more he tried to reason with himself, the more he couldn’t shake off how terrible he felt seeing Seungcheol’s cold eyes. His heart almost shattered at the sight.

But why? 

Why did this all make no sense to him?

“You have got to stop asking me that. You literally said no to every suggestion I gave you.”

“But Shua…”

“Just talk to Mingyu and clear things out with him.”

“I don’t want to. I can’t just waltz to his place and talk to him like a normal person when he just told me he liked me in public.”

“Well, then talk to Seungcheol. You are so worried about him, so do something.”

Jeonghan grabbed his phone and threw it at Joshua.

“You think I didn’t try? 11 messages, 5 calls and even 3 DMs. And I got nothing. He left me on read on KakaoTalk, and I am sure he came online to twitter once and didn’t even bother to read my DMs.”

“At least it was worth a shot.”

Jeonghan only slouched further into his bed and turned to lie on his side, facing Joshua. He could see him seated on his chair, which was turned around, with his legs on either side of the chair. While he was leaning into the backrest (effectively deepening the white crease on the plastic that had formed after Jeonghan’s habit of bending backwards on the chair to stretch), Joshua was looking at the envelope on his table rather than him.

And his own eyes strayed to the brown envelope.

“Mind if I looked at it, Han?”

Jeonghan flicked his wrist in the air, letting out a few unbothered grunts as he rolled himself to the other side. He was now facing the wall, unable to see Joshua, but yet he could hear the noisy flapping sound of the paper being taken out from the envelope and unfolded.

“I really don’t get it. If it was Mingyu, why this letter? He would effectively be repeating his actions unnecessarily. Wouldn’t this… really long letter be enough of a confession?”

Jeonghan attempted to shrug his shoulders, but in his position, he only was able to move his right one (and awkwardly so).

“Didn’t he say something about impulse or I don’t know, a change in mindset?”

“Even then, from what I am reading, it seems like he practically wrote everything down here. There is so much detail that there wouldn’t be a reason to say all those things again at the game. He could have just cut it short and ask you out directly. And wouldn’t he have bothered to mention the letter at least? This must have taken him so much effort to write!”

Though it made more sense than his own suspicions, Jeonghan wasn’t really in the mood to think about Mingyu this, Mingyu that.

With every passing second, he became more worried about Seungcheol. It was already past 10. He would never stay out so late on a school night, yet he received nothing from him. No sign that he was alright (not that he was).

Why hasn’t he replied? 

Was he back already? 

Was he okay? 

“Han… Jeonghan!”

“Huh?”

The urgency in Joshua’s voice, in addition to the hard jabs to his back, pulled him from his wandering mind almost instantly. Jeonghan flipped himself on his back and sat up quickly, only to find the letter held right in front of his face. 

Confused, he turned his head and raised an eyebrow at the younger student.

“Please tell me you read this letter properly.”

“Duh. I have probably seen this like three times.”

Joshua rolled his eye and dropped his arm together with the letter.

“You really need glasses, Han. I can’t believe you didn’t see this!”

“What thing?”

“Look at the corner of the paper, second page.”

Jeonghan ripped the letter from his hand and stared at the paper. As Joshua had said, there was a white outline at the bottom corner of the page. A correction tape mark. Means that underneath that white line, there were things to uncover about the letter. 

Could it be the writer’s name?

One glance towards Joshua gave him all the answer he needed. He looked as if he had been struck by lightning. Wide-eyed, mouth agape.

Jeonghan looked down at the paper once again.

~~~

Seungcheol was amazed by Wonwoo’s speed, given his near-sedentary lifestyle of reading books and watching videos on his computer. While it was true that, when he was on the basketball team, he had been one of the most agile and fastest sprinters among the seniors, he would expect the many months of inactivity making him less fit. What a time to be proven wrong.

After what seemed like a mile long run, he found his friend squatted behind the pillar at the back of the sports hall. Face hidden in his knees, Wonwoo let out a muffled sob.

He was careful to approach him, quietly walking up to him and making sure to not startle him in any way. When he was close enough, he whispered softly to him to get his attention.

“Wonwoo-ya, are you okay? Wonwoo-ya…”

The crying boy looked up, and Seungcheol gasped at his face. 

There were glistening tear streaks running along his cheeks and down his arms and hands. The running and the crying made his face flushing red, as if he had just drank 10 bottles of Soju. Besides how devastating he looked, he was breathing hard, shaking with every exhale. The tremors in his legs was also a clear sign he could not hold himself in that position any longer.

He just looked... Horrible.

Gently, he sat himself down by his side, ignoring the layer of dust that covered the whole area. The grime and dirt was bound to dirty his pants, but that didn’t matter as much. He was focused on Wonwoo, who remained squatted on the floor, looking forward at the empty space with a pained expression on his face.

“Wonwoo-ya, it’s okay. Just cry it out. I’ll be here. You can talk to me when you are ready.”

Wonwoo kept staring forward, refusing to reply. What had he expected anyways? He was a man of few words and rarely ever showed any extreme emotion (besides the few times he burst out laughing at the other’s amusing behaviour). It was a miracle he wasn’t pushed away the instant he realised his presence.

Yet despite this, Seungcheol didn’t quite know how to help him. He wouldn’t say anything. Just kept his distance and cried on his own (Jeonghan would have spilled every detail, as he sobbed messily, about how unfair the world is or something along those lines, but he was no Jeonghan). Yes, he had some idea about why and how he was feeling right now, but he didn’t like being the one to do all the talking. He was better at being the listening ear. 

But Wonwoo didn’t need that right now. 

Where was Mingyu when he needed him? That guy would know how to deal with this: he could read him like an open book. Mingyu understood Wonwoo more than he ever could, yet it was him who had to comfort him.

So, raising his arm, Seungcheol began to pat his back, consoling him with the slow, repetitive rhythm of his hand. 

It was all he could do.

He felt really pathetic, if anything. 

It took nearly fifteen minutes before he gave up and sat himself next to Seungcheol, leaning on the pillar. While he wasn’t crying anymore, his tears had barely dried on his face and his eyes were puffy, swollen even. 

He did not even say a word until the setting sun, that had still been high up in the sky, finally laid to rest and coloured the sky purple.

“Seungcheol, what do I do now?”

A simple question ought to have a simple answer. But Seungcheol didn’t know how to reply. Or rather, he didn’t know what kind of answer he should give.

Advice? 

Consolation?

Or just silent empathy?

“Seungcheol?”

He broke out of his trance to find Wonwoo staring back at him with watery eyes. 

Helpless, desperate, and broken.

Oh, how well he knew that look. He saw it in the mirror one too many times.

“Wonwoo, I don’t have all the answers, but... I know how you feel.”

“How could you ever know?”

The sting of his words cut deep into his gut. His voice was harsh despite how softly he spoke. Sharp, like the nails digging into his palm. Seungcheol could taste the despair in his question, but he simply sighed and bit his lips.

“There are many things I don’t tell others, not even Joshua… Not even Jeonghan.”

That caught Wonwoo’s attention, which effectively distracted him from his misery.

As far as he knew, Jeonghan was Seungcheol’s closest confidante. There was nothing the two of them wouldn’t share with each other.

Glancing further up, Wonwoo saw a similar sadness in his eyes. 

It was like looking through the window of a heartbroken soul.

~~~

“Shua…”

“Hold it to the light, Jeonghan. Do it!”

As instructed, he held the paper up, letting the light of his dorm room ceiling shine through the thin sheet of paper. Underneath the correction tape, three words were written in black ink. 

A name he knew too well.

_Choi Seungcheol_

The moment he saw his name, he let go of the paper.

~~~

“That confession… It not only broke your heart. It broke mine as well…”

The silence from Wonwoo told him to go on.

“Because I am in love with Jeonghan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think everyone saw this coming, i am bad at building tension in stories sighhhh. But now I can finally explain every little detail in the past chapter that you may or may not have noticed... which means this is going to take quite some time i severely underestimated how much I am planning to write for the next part
> 
> I am so overwhelmed by my new job, i don't know how I am going to continue writing this...


	16. Seungcheol pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Seungcheol met his first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I took so long to update. It has been a really bad week for me but here I am! Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. This part might take really long I realise, so I will leave the final chapter numbers as indefinite because I think I have waited for this part of the story for too long.

In every high school drama that Seungcheol has ever watched (and he has watched a lot), they described meeting your first love as something extraordinary. Completely out-of-the-world. Like as if the earth would stop spinning when their eyes lock onto yours and everything around you would become rosy and bright.

When Haru saved Danoh from a dodge ball in Extraordinary You, the sunlight fell so perfectly from behind his head that it was almost halo-like. In Goblin, time slowed down as they passed each other, barely sparing a glance, yet inside they seemed to know that they would spend their eternity together. Despite Taeeul having chased Lee Gon down as a police in The King, with nothing remotely romantic about the situation, the moment they found each other at Gwanghwamun Square amidst the bustling city and blinding lights was far from mundane in his opinion.

If 16 year old Seungcheol was watching these drama scenes, he would soak up the romance and the cheesy lines like a lovesick sponge. He was an avid fan of such key moments. He would even go onto Youtube just to rewatch them when he could.

But that was younger Seungcheol. The current Seungcheol can very confidently spell out the bullshit in the cinematics for others. Not that it wasn’t obviously dramatised, but he thought it wouldn’t hurt to be more realistic in how people meet their first love. 

For him, these dramas no longer work the same for him anymore. 

Not after Jeonghan.

How he had met the boy was quite literally a misunderstanding.

Pledis High School required all their new students to come to the school to take their matriculation photos and to buy their textbooks and class materials before the school year started. Asking a bunch of young boys and girls who barely had enough time to enjoy their winter holidays to go to school at the break of dawn for pictures felt like a war crime. The temperature in the morning barely made it past the zero degrees celsius mark, and not to mention the strong winds that stung their faces.

If those facts did not put him in a worse mood, he realised he got off at the wrong bus stop. Since the bus only came every 20 minutes, it was better for him to walk the last 2 bus stops in the freezing winter morning. By the time he reached the main gate, his face was almost painfully numb from the wind (he would have to make sure to apply more lotion that night so as to not get cold rash the next day).

Seungcheol was naturally an early bird. As much as he hated waking up in the early morning, he never failed to be at least 15 minutes earlier, even it if meant being up at six in the morning after a night of gaming. He had his mother to thank for imbuing this habit in him, but it left him quite lonely most of the time when others would only start arriving on the dot, five minutes, even ten minutes late. Rarely would there be other early birds like him.

So it was a pleasant surprise to find another girl at the concourse

She was seated facing a pillar, with her back towards him. Her long hair covered her entire face, but he was sure she was one of the matriculating students with one glance at her attire, as he spotted the gray blazer and pants that peeked out from her long black winter jacket. It was part of their winter uniform, and they were told to wear them for the picture, but the thin material did nothing to protect them from the cold. Yet under the thick coat, he could tell she was rather tall: the hem of her pants had ridden up quite abit when she sat down cross-legged.

He approached the girl, intending to introduce himself as a new student. He’d hope to make friends as quickly as possible, and maybe put himself in a good light for others. 

Not that he had anything to hide. He just really liked making friends.

But when he got close enough to look over her shoulders, he saw the glint of the metal scissors in her hands (held in her rather long fingers). The grizzling sound of cloth being cut was not easy to mistaken as well. Then he caught a glance of the tie in her hands and the scissors working its way through the material, and as quickly as he had seen it, he scrambled behind the pillar out of her sight.

Seungcheol peeked from his hiding spot and saw the corners of her mouth rise with glee as she placed the scissors down with a clack. He couldn’t see her whole face from that angle though, partly because her long hair covered most of it, but mostly because it strained his neck to get a good look at her.

The questions that filled his tired morning brain went along the lines of “What was that?”, “Was she cutting her tie?” and “Who was insane enough to cut their tie before school even started?”

Suddenly, he heard a grunt coming from the other end of the concourse.

Seungcheol looked up from the girl to find another student who had arrived early. He had a much shorter hair than him that was styled handsomely into a side part (anyone who did not cut their hair to look like EXO’s D.O. during his debut, aka Seungcheol, would be deemed handsome by his standards). His attire was more dishevelled, however. He wasn’t wearing a tie and his collar was folded up like a makeshift scarf, but the strands of flyaway hair coming undone from the gel he had applied further proved his worried state. 

The student frantically looked around, bending down to check every inch of the floor, mumbling as he searched.

“Where is it… Where did it go… ”

The boy left to search another corridor, which left him with the girl. Her scheming smile was still plastered on her face from what he could see. 

At that moment, the dots connected in his head, and it made him boil with indignation.

How… COULD SHE?!

It wasn’t even the first day of school, yet she would do such a thing to a fellow student! Seungcheol couldn’t even fathom the things she would do to other students in the future… If destroying someone’s tie on picture day was the smallest of problems, what horrible tricks will she play on others next time? 

Seeing no one else around (it was still 11 minutes to the arranged start time), he stomped in front of the girl and yanked the tie out of her hand.

“Hey! What the fuck was that for?”

Three things came to his mind.

One, the girl was not a girl. He was a boy, just one with exceedingly long hair. It was a light brown, like milk chocolate, and it ran down the sides of his face like silk. Very straight, and very smooth. For a second, he was tempted to reach out to run his fingers through those locks of hair, to see if it was as soft as he thought they were (but that would be very inappropriate).

Two, he had a rather funny name. Yoon Jeonghan. The shiny plastic tag pinned on his left chest was too eye-catching to miss. Yoon, Jeong and Han were all common surnames, yet he never imagined seeing them all in one name before. Jeonghan… It meant clean country… right? 

Three, there was something black on the floor next to the boy’s knee. Looking down, he saw a black roll of tape, no, velcro, on the cloth.

“Give it here.”

Jeonghan snatched the tie back and continued to work on the tie. He reached to his side and picked up a roll of velcro. Snipping off a rectangle piece, he peeled it off and pasted it onto one end of the cut tie. 

“Wait… That’s yours?”

“Great way to state the obvious here.”

“Then… Then what on earth are you doing destroying you tie like that!”

The long-haired boy looked up again and glared at him, annoyance written all over his face. He did not seem to be enjoying his presence one bit, obviously. Turning back to the tie, he snipped off another rectangle and pasted it on the other end.

“You shouldn’t be doing this right before the photo shoot.”

“Just mind your own business… Choi Seungcheol-ssi.”

Embarrassed, Seungcheol hurriedly covered his own name tag with his hands, which earned a smirk from Jeonghan. While the latter returned to fiddling with the velcro and the tie, Seungcheol’s own curiosity (and the urge to expose the boy for his misdeeds) grew.

“Cutting your tie and doing all this isn’t going to make any difference. They are still going to make you take the picture, with or without it.”

When Jeonghan looked back at him for the third time, Seungcheol swore his deadly glare ripped off a few years of his life from him. But he remained standing in front of him, unwilling (and slightly too terrified) to move. Seeing that the other guy was not leaving him alone any time soon, he sighed, as if in defeat, and replied.

“The tie the school gave is too long for me. Either the front becomes too long, or the neck part becomes loose, so I decided to cut the loop and add velcro so that I can tighten it to fit me. Saves me the trouble of tying my tie every morning too.”

That’s just genius, Seungcheol concluded.

But that still left one question unanswered.

“You sure you didn’t steal the tie from that boy over there?”

He pointed his finger at the boy who reappeared from the corridor. Jeonghan followed the direction of his pointed finger and spotted the boy, but it was clear he didn’t have a clue who he was and what he was doing at all.

“Don’t know who he is. Never met him in my life.”

Seungcheol let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding from the whole emotional mess of the misunderstanding. The whole thing seemed to not bother Jeonghan as much though, as he fastened the modified tie onto his neck and started playing with his phone. Admittedly, he now saw how it made sense. The front part of the tie reached the waistband of his pants perfectly, and the velcro did its job of holding onto the extra material at the back of his neck without looking horrible. The tie didn't seem to be too tight on his neck as well. 

Not forgetting how nice the knot looked. Super symmetrical. Not wrinkly…

“Where’s your tie?”

Jeonghan’s question snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked down and saw him raise an eyebrow at his attire.

“You can’t possibly have gone though all that shit with me and not bring one for yourself.”

“Haha. Very funny. I have it in my bag.”

Seungcheol sat down beside him and swung his bag in front of him to take out his tie.

It looked very different from Jeonghan’s tie. One could tell the latter had at least put some effort into ironing or straightening the cloth, but Seungcheol’s was hideously crumpled and untied, having shoved it in his bag last night without a care. He thought it could do it alone since he came early, but now he had the watchful eyes of his fellow school mate teasing his messy state.

“I just have to… Tie it...”

Seungcheol did not know how to tie a tie. 

He never needed to: his middle school uniform was a simple shirt and shorts, with a badge pinned on the collar if you were in student council. His mom helped him if there were any major events like weddings and ceremonies where he needed a suit, so he had never touched one until now. He had went through a few YouTube tutorial videos last night before sleeping, yet those 10 minutes of his night vanished under the intruding presence of the boy seated next to him. 

He could taste the schadenfreude seeping from his growing smile as he struggled more and more with the tie. If screaming at a stranger and snatching his tie early in the morning in an empty school was not the most embarrassing thing he did this week, this would have made a strong contender for first place.

“You having fun tying it?”

“Shut up.”

Jeonghan stifled a laugh, and his cheeks turned pink as he continued to fumble with his tie.

“You could ask for help, you know? Just admit it. You can’t tie a tie, despite being all cocky just now.”

Seungcheol grunted and kept his gaze down. His hands were getting tired.

“The clock also says you have around two minutes left before the matriculation starts.”

He looked up at the small round-faced clock on the wall, the minute hand too close to the 12 mark to his liking.

Jeonghan rested his chin on his hand and gave him a pitying (no, mocking) look.

“I am sure~ you don’t want the others to know that you can’t even tie a tie.”

Seungcheol turned back to the smiling boy. His long hair fell perfectly along the sides of his face, so perfectly that he looked like the devil. (It felt like it too.)

“So… What do we say, Choi Seungcheol-ssi?”

“Fine. Just do it quickly. Doesn’t have to be super neat.”

Jeonghan happily grabbed the tie from his hand and wrapped it around his neck. He tucked it under his collar and began to work on the knot, but the satisfied smile never left his face.

“It won’t hurt if you smiled more you know, Jeonghan-ssi.”

“It’s seven in the morning, what did you honestly expect, Choi Seungcheol-ssi? Customer service smiles and cheery greetings?”

Seungcheol raised his hand to flick Jeonghan’s forehead, which earned him a scowl.

“Don’t call me ‘Choi Seungcheol-ssi’. You sound like my mom.”

“I will call you whatever I want… Camel-face!”

“Hey!”

Jeonghan managed to dodge the second flick and kept on tying the tie. Seungcheol mumbled to himself how he didn’t look like a camel, but it didn’t go unnoticed. Laughter erupted from the long-haired boy’s mouth, followed by a deeper laugh from the other boy seated in front of him.

As the sun peeked out from behind the mountains, streams of boys and girls rush through the gates, hoping they weren’t late. The boy who had been searching endlessly around the school, cried out with joy from the boys’ toilet as he held the handmade bracelets in his hands like precious gold. A tall lanky boy ran up to tap the shoulder of another boy who was engrossed in his phone game. Three students shuffled into the concourse with worried looks on their faces. And a short boy wearing slippers kept to the side as he listened to the music in his headphones, later bumping into a student with pretty slanted eyes who ran off after shouting out an apology.

All while Seungcheol found a friend in a long-haired boy named Jeonghan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont @ me for the 'mistakening Jeonghan for a girl' cliche, I genuinely thought he was a girl hanging out with all the guy groups when I first saw them in the ISAC videos. Also the velcro story is a true story of my very scrawny friend who did this because he was lazy and crazy at the same time. 
> 
> Also the MAMA and the TheFact performances were the saving grace of my mental health these few weeks they were so good~


	17. Seungcheol pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a moment which he couldn't quite understand.
> 
> Why he couldn't breath, couldn't speak...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BDAY JOSHUA!!!! ilysm :)
> 
> From here, you will start seeing bits and pieces from the previous chapters pasted into the story. For this chapter, refer to Seungkwan pt 1 and 2

“Why do we have to do something as dumb as introduce our names and one interesting fact about ourselves? Won’t we all end up knowing more about each other in class than in this stupid ice-breaker?”

“It’s not that bad, Jeonghan. Just say “I am Jeonghan and I like to sleep.” or something along that line. Who cares?”

“I care. I don’t want to be stuck in this stuffy classroom.”

“You know this will be our class for the rest of the year right?”

“Zip it, Cheol.”

“As much as I hate this, let’s just stick through it willingly before the orientation leaders decide something more embarrassing for us to do.”

The two of them glared at Joshua, who leaned back against the table leg and let out an exasperated sigh. Somehow, despite the annoyance laced in his words, the gentleman smile was still stuck on his face, though the seething vexation was more than obvious in his eyes. Seungcheol and Jeonghan always wondered what it would take to make that smile disappear, how far they would have to go to make the foreign student angry. (Not like they were ready to test their theories right now though.)

There were whispers and hushed grumbles from all the students in the room, seated in a circle on the floor. The female orientation leader, a really tall third year student named Lee Sem, paced the center giving the new students forced smiles as she encouraged them to start the icebreakers. To no avail, of course. 

Even she must have felt how stuffy the classroom was, as she let out another sigh and turned to the other side of the classroom to talk to the other students.

Everyone stayed uncomfortably silent as Lee Sem tried to get one student to introduce themselves. Seungcheol could see that everyone was either keeping their eyes on the floor in a poor effort to avoid being the orientation leader’s pick or talking to the person next to them. 

There was a pair that stood out to Seungcheol as really close. Sat closest to the back door, there was a bespectacled boy who was glaring at the student next to him. From what he could make out, he was trying to get him to volunteer to start the icebreakers. (“Wonwoo, just do it and it will be over.” “Why don’t you do it, Kim Mingyu?” “I am shy~” “Well, look who's talking!”) They sat much closer to each other than the rest of the class, so it was no question that the two of them at least knew each other well enough to sit so comfortably together.

Friends? Neighbours? Childhood friends?

He didn’t really know.

Seungcheol turned back to look at Jeonghan, who was seated next to him.

They had became fast friends after what had happened that day. Joshua still found it hilarious whenever Jeonghan decided to remind him of his ‘big misunderstanding’. Somehow, they found themselves talking to each other more and more throughout the day, eventually exchanging numbers and spending the last days of their holidays texting each other about their own lives. Seungcheol felt it was very easy to talk to Jeonghan: the boy always knew how to make him laugh and was equally good at listening to his stories. Maybe it was because school has yet to start, but he did not feel any pressure to reply him quickly, or speak a certain way. It felt good, in fact.

As he kept his eyes on the long-haired boy (who refused to tie up his hair, insisting it will ruin the hair treatment he had gotten) he noticed how tired he looked. That’s when he also realised that the sun’s rays were aimed directly at his neck and back. 

Seungcheol smirked as Jeonghan squirmed in his seat and combed his hair back in attempt to cover up any exposed skin that might burn up from the sunlight. After all, he had practically dragged him to sit by the tables so that he could lean his back on the table legs and be shaded from the burning sun, but the second half of the plan didn’t seem to work out quite as well. 

He didn’t mind the warmth from the sun, especially since he was still freezing from standing in the late winter breeze this morning, waiting for the almost-late Jeonghan. But he also didn’t want to give the boy the satisfaction of the better seat. He would much rather watch as he continued to squeeze himself under the table clumsily, much to his own amusement.

“No one wants to start? Come on guys! It’s only 9am!”

“It’s only 9am~ Try acting like a cheerleader on steroids and botox at 9am~”

Jeonghan grumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Seungcheol and Joshua to hear. The two of them stifled a laugh, not wanting to catch the attention of the orientation leader.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to put too much effort into that, as someone shrieked and caught the attention of the entire class, including Lee Sem. 

“Are you okay… Soonyoung?”

The boy, face red from the sudden attention on him, shook his head meekly.

“No, sunbaenim. It’s just… Jihoon… He…”

Seungcheol looked over to where the slanted-eyed student was pointing at. 

The blonde-haired student kept his gaze on the floor, avoiding all eye contact with the flustered Soonyoung, who was making a terrible attempt explaining his outburst. Seungcheol could see his body shivering slightly, his arm wrapped tightly around his waist, and the corners of his mouth struggling to not rise up. 

_Ah… another one of those pranksters._

“Soonyoung-ah, since you have already said so much, maybe you can start us off?”

“Well, I don’t mind… Er… But actually, shouldn’t we…”

“Let’s give it up for our volunteer Soonyoung!”

The students laughed and clapped as the boy began to stand up. Next to him, the blonde-haired boy (who was named Jihoon, based on his tag) had mostly calmed down from his previous ‘laughing tremors’ and was clapping along with the class. The two of them locked eyes, and Jihoon made a face, to which Soonyoung responded with a pout as he turned to look at the class.

“Let’s just get this over and done with, ‘kay?”

He told a step forward and spun around.

“I mean, you already know my name, don’t cha?”

The sassy remark proved to be the much-needed energiser for the class, as everyone cheered at the boy who continued his grandeur speech.

“I am 17, like most of y'all here. After all, we are in the same class, right? So what’s there to say? One interesting fact? Hmm… That’s a tough nut to crack, sheriff. I’d give you that! ‘Cause what’s more interesting than… me!”

Soonyoung gave another twirl and gracefully sat himself down to the floor, posing as he swept his leg out and rested his arm on his knee.

“That’s all for now, folks!”

The resounding applause from everyone in the room made Soonyoung smile from ear to ear. He turned to talk to Jihoon, but the latter looked unconcerned as Lee Sem stepped back into the circle.

“That’s has got to be the most entertaining introduction I have ever seen! Good job, Soonyoung!”

She turned to look at the girl sat next to him and smiled.

“Now, we will go clockwise! So next up is you over there. Stand up and share with us you name and one cool fact!”

The icebreaker went on smoothly from then on. While no one else did anything as flamboyant as Soonyoung, he got to know quite a bit about his classmates. 

There was this pair of students from China, Junhui and Minghao, who both looked really tall, like beanpoles. Junhui sounded more outgoing than Minghao, who mumbled half his introduction before daring to speak up (with the former’s encouragement), but they were very fluent. (Soonyoung perked up from where he was sitting when he heard the both of them mentioning dancing as their hobby.)

Another student, who introduced himself, as Seokmin, caught Seungcheol by surprise with his friendly personality. His sharp features and strong eyes made him think that he would be more aloof, but his radiant aura was hard to ignore. It was as if everyone was drawn to his brightness: no one looked away when he talked (or maybe he was just incredibly handsome).

A few turns after him, an american-looking boy stood up and introduced himself. His name was Hansol (“You can call me Vernon, but Hansol is fine too.”). From his few few word, Seungcheol could tell that, besides the defined Seoul accent, his facial features pointed more towards being a Korean-American. The girls were too busy ogling at him to notice that he had finished his introduction, which left only a few students clapping (pretty rude).

Then, a boy with chubby cheeks stood up and looked around. Everyone had their eyes on him after Seokmin, and it was obvious he wasn’t very comfortable with the attention. Fidgeting with his fingers, he pursed his lips before starting his introduction.

“My… My name is Boo Seungkwan. Im 16 this year. Er…”

Seungkwan paused for a moment, looking down to avoid the gazes of his classmates. Seungcheol felt bad for the boy. It was bad enough that he had to speak in front of so many people, but the expecting atmosphere was hard to swallow. Hansol whispered something into his ear and Seungkwan started to speak more clearly.

“I like to watch volleyball games. And I like Wonder Girls and Girls Generation!”

The class clapped as Seungkwan sat himself down on the floor. He was beaming now that his turn was over, relieved that the attention has left him. The next kid, Lee Chan, seamlessly talked about his passion for dancing (another one again), so he turned to Jeonghan, hoping to let the time pass by faster with a little small talk. 

Frankly, the icebreakers were getting tiring for many, and he was more interested to get back to his previous argument that sweet potatoes were a must have on pizzas (Jeonghan begged to differ).

But when he saw Jeonghan, who was now zoned out after baking in the sun for a long time and staring at Seungkwan, not a single word left his mouth. 

It was like the air was knocked out of his lungs. Unable to breathe, and unable to turn away.

There he was, sitting with his chin rested on his palm, cross-legged and slouching. Part of his long hair had fallen past his shoulder and was covering the side of his face, but the scorn on his face was still visible from where he sat. Yet somehow, despite the threatening look in his downturned eyes, the downward curl of his lips, the bead of sweat that began to make its way down his temple…

Jeonghan looked rather cute.

Was he shocked? Confused? 

He just didn’t know what he was feeling.

Maybe it was the lighting, the golden sun hitting his face at the right angle. Or maybe it was because, as he had confessed, of the light sheen of makeup on his face. Those must have been the reason why Jeonghan looked quite pretty...

Handsome? 

Charming?

Those words didn’t seem suitable either.

The icebreaker went on, as more classmates stood up to give their short introduction. Seungcheol no longer cared to learn about their names or hobbies. 

He would much rather decipher the alluring mystery of Jeonghan’s face.

~~~

It was three week later when he felt the same strange emotion again.

After that day, he didn’t put much thought into it. Seungcheol simply brushed it off as a mixture of being surprised and the initial adrenaline of the icebreaker wearing him off a little. 

And nothing was out of the ordinary during their lesson times: they studied, ate, talked. Everyday student stuff.

His group of friends grew with the frequent interaction with his classmates. By that friday, he had nine other boisterous classmates sitting with him for lunch and hanging out with him in school and after classes. While he appreciated the energetic atmosphere of his friends, he sometimes found himself drifting back to his closest ones: Jeonghan and Joshua. It wasn’t they weren’t as chaotic (they were worse, in fact), but they had a more calming effect on people when the need arises. He needed that more. 

To him, he felt more comfortable sitting with Jeonghan at the bench next to the pond, drinking ovaltine and strawberry milk from the vending machine as the faint cheers of students playing at the basketball court acted as the perfect background noise in their ‘meditative’ environment. 

Yet to his surprise, however, he wounded himself at the basketball tryouts one afternoon, after briefly mentioning it to Mingyu that he played a bit in his middle school. The tall boy had also dragged his close friend, Wonwoo, into the tryouts, so the three of them eventually ended up being chosen to join the team, along with the Korean-American boy, Hansol. Other than Mingyu, who was lean and tall, with an old-school sporty haircut to match, the rest of them didn’t look much like basketball players, but that didn’t faze him. He didn’t mind playing regularly, as a game and as an exercise.

So that lead him to where he was now, holding the extra-curriculars application form in both hands as he made his way to the school’s administration office.

He was walking by the school garden, when he heard a voice. Singing...

It was sweet, like honey dripping into his ears. Smooth, yet powerful in a subtle way. It didn’t sound loud and grand like most singers he heard on the radio, but more airy and soft, like someone singing a lullaby to sooth a baby to sleep. 

Subconsciously, a smile crept up to his face as he stopped in his tracks to listen to the singing.

That voice made him feel fluttery and warm... and he couldn’t quite put a word to the other emotion he felt. 

It was like the moment he heard the first note, a shock wave hit him and sent him crashing down. Every word was making his head run in circles and never sitting straight. The longer he listened, the tighter the invisible grip on his neck felt, stealing his breath, leaving him pale and sick and…

Seungcheol heard the snap of a twig and looked under his foot. At the same time, the singing stopped, and Jeonghan whipped his head around to find his classmate standing behind him, red and flustered.

“Why… What are you doing there?”

“I was just passing by! I swear! I didn’t mean to…”

Jeonghan smirked at Seungcheol, who was lost for words (he never faired well under the pressure of Jeonghan’s sneaky gaze). That was when he noticed the white paper next to him.

“Are you applying for extra-curriculars?”

The long-haired boy glanced down at the form next to him before turning back to him.

“Yeah, I want to, but… I am not sure. Seokmin is practically begging me to join the school choir, and Joshua tried to bribe me with the vocal coach…”

“Why is that?”

“Have you seen that guy? He looks freaking gorgeous!”

Seungcheol scoffed at his remark.

“If they are so eager to make you join the choir, then your answer seems very clear, right?”

Jeonghan turned away from him and sighed.

“It’s easy for them. They have good voices and I sound like trash. Even after practicing for the tryouts, I was still average compared to them. There really isn’t a point when…”

“Your voice is fine, Hannie! It sounds… like an angel!”

The awkward silence was palatable. Internally, Seungcheol was beating himself up for calling him by that nickname. They only knew each other for barely a month. How could he just slip up and call him by a nickname? 

Jeonghan looked a little stunned, but he could also tell the cogs in his head were turning fast.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“What’s there to be sorry about? We are friends, it’s only natural to have some sort of nickname.”

Seungcheol let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Yeah, that’s true, so…”

“So I can call you whatever I want, right? What interesting names do we have... Cheol? Cheollie? Ratatouille? Camel?”

Seungcheol groaned as Jeonghan laughed at his annoyance. He picked up the form and walked up to him.

“Let’s go drop these forms at the office, yeah? The deadline is today after all.”

He nodded in agreement as they set off in the direction of the corridor.

“And… Thanks for the compliment. I really appreciated it.”

“No problem, just stated a fact…”

In that moment, he desperately wanted to hear that voice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Soonyoung's introduction, just imagine the Home;run Minghao ending move.
> 
> I feel so unmotivated to write with deadlines. I keep dragging and procrastinating because I can't find the right words, then feel guilty for posting later than expected. haiiii
> 
> The only thing that is keeping me going is the huge plot i have in my head and svt stages and gose.


	18. Seungcheol pt3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the realisation hits, it hits hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can refer to the flashback from Seungkwan pt 4! also there is a reference to the Mansae MV!!

Sometimes, when the sun was not blazing hot and the court was empty, Seungcheol would tag along with a few other members of the basketball team to practice. Sometimes it was only the four of them, the weakest of the new players. Occasionally, some students from the other classes, both school team players and non-players, will join in the fun. But, other than Mingyu, Wonwoo and Hansol, Jeonghan was the most frequent player of their little after-school games.

They played by street rules, with no one to properly referee their matches. 

It gave him a chance to practice trick shots and moves he would never use in a real game, but also gave Jeonghan the perfect opportunity to ‘make up rules’ on the spot.

“You can’t just run across the whole court with the ball in your hand!”

“I was dribbling, Cheol.”

“The ball never left your hand even once!”

“It did!”

Seungcheol picked up the ball that was rolling towards him as Jeonghan slowly strolled towards the bench at the side to pick up his water bottle.

“You mean when you threw the ball into the hoop?”

Jeonghan smirked and gave him a cheeky thumbs-up.

“Exactly. And it got in too. Maybe I should have joined basketball instead of choir. I would make a good shooting guard.”

Mingyu jogged up to the bench for a drink, but not before giving the choir student a hard pat on the back that made him spit his drink out. 

“I doubt you will make it through the initial warm-ups. You wouldn’t even get up from your seat to reach for a pen in class.”

Seungcheol bursted out laughing, holding the ball in one hand as he gripped his stomach. (It was a slight overreaction, he admitted.) Wiping the sides of his mouth with the towel he brought along, Jeonghan sneered as he slammed his bottle down onto the bench and jogged back onto the court. There was a mocking determination in his eyes, one that made Seungcheol tighten his hold on the basketball.

“I’ll have you know I run eight laps around the school twice a week. A simple match won’t screw me over that easily.”

Wonwoo, who had somehow sneaked up behind Jeonghan without him noticing, signalled to Seungcheol to pass him the ball. Mingyu was covering his mouth, holding in his laugh, as Jeonghan glared at the point guard. Seungcheol already had a plan in mind. He was going to get his revenge on Jeonghan for making him run around the court for the past 5 minutes.

“But you can’t beat this!”

Seungcheol threw the ball as forcefully as he could in Jeonghan’s direction, furrowing his eyebrows as he aimed as close as he could to his head. The latter’s eyes widened as the ball flew straight at him and, panicking, he bent down, covering his head. Wonwoo, with his hands ready, caught the ball and began to dribble it with ease. Jeonghan took a peek at his surroundings, still worried about the ball, before he stood back up and glared at Wonwoo, then Seungcheol.

“Hey, that was uncalled for!”

They spent the next minute or so running around, passing the ball between each other as Jeonghan made a lazy attempt to steal the ball away. Mingyu had joined them some time later and teamed up with the choir student, which gave him the chance to intercept the ball once from his hands (only to have it taken back seconds later). Seungcheol found the extra centimeters of height on their team a tad bit unfair, but didn’t complain as he made another clean pass to Wonwoo, who then made the shot. Mingyu whined about

From the corner of his eye, he spotted Hansol standing by the pillar talking to someone. Moments later, the hidden figure slapped the basketballer in the arm, and Hansol laughed softly in response. A tuff of brown hair could be seen from the person’s movements, and if Seungcheol didn’t know his classmates better, he would have thought he was talking to a girl from another class or something.

What was Seungkwan doing hiding behind the pillar in the middle of the afternoon, he wanted to know. He could ask Hansol when he got back, but the Korean-American didn’t seem to be making a move any time soon, so he turned his attention back to the game. 

Jeonghan had the ball at the moment. He aimed and threw the ball, but missed the hoop by mere inches. The long-haired boy swept his hair behind his ear as he jogged forward to grab the basketball. 

That sight sure did things to his heart.

The strange sensation he felt these past few days, ever since he heard him singing alone at the school garden, irritated him immensely. When he sat in class, Jeonghan’s chatty presence next to him bothered him to the extent that he couldn’t even understand a thing the Biology teacher was saying (not that he knew anything in the beginning). When they had breaks, he could not help but find himself drawn towards his friend in anticipation of his never-ending dose of gossip and antics. 

Even after school, here he was. Playing basketball with the guy as if he didn’t make his chest feel tight every time he turned to look at him and gave him his angelic smile. 

The sensation never left him, because Jeonghan was always there, by his side.

He was like a stray bunny, Seungcheol decided, that he had picked up one day and since then had been following him everywhere, messing with his life. He couldn’t shake him off. He didn’t want to anyways. It would be unfair to abandon such a cute creature, even though all the trouble he got himself into these days…

Seungcheol was startled back to reality when he heard his name being called. 

He saw Jeonghan standing inches away from him, breathing heavily from the past 30 minutes of game. The image of him with his pink lips slightly apart, with strands of auburn hair stuck on his neck from the thin layer of sweat that had formed, left him unable to utter anything more than a pathetic “huh”. Unbothered, Jeonghan handed him the ball. The boy either did not notice the redness that was obviously forming on his cheeks and ears, or dismissed the look as a result of their basketball match.

“I have to go for that seminar I signed up for now. See yah!”

Seungcheol reached out his hands to take the basketball from him. For a split second, his fingertips touched Jeonghan’s; if not for his reflexes, he would have dropped the ball that very moment. 

He continued to stare at him as he turned to wave goodbye to Mingyu and Wonwoo, who were in the midst of practicing their throws. His eyes stayed locked onto the back of his head as he picked up his phone and his water bottle from the bench and bade farewell to Hansol who just came back onto the court. He kept staring as his figure disappeared down the corridor, not before he turned around one last time to wave goodbye to him with the hand that held his phone.

It took Hansol three tries to call out to Seungcheol to resume the game.

Afterwards, Mingyu and Wonwoo had to leave early to pay a visit to Wonwoo’s mom. (It never failed to amaze him how close they were. Mingyu could even address Wonwoo’s mom without honorifics.) Hansol stayed back to play with him, but they left soon after as well. Basketball was more fun when more people were playing together.

On the way back to their classroom to grab their bags, Seungcheol opened his phone to check the notifications. There were three unread messages from Jeonghan.

**Jeonghannie:  
Wait for me~~  
I want to buy the chilli oil mandu from the stall down the road  
Meet me at back gate? :D**

_Oh, what was he doing to himself?_

~~~

“Eomma! Appa! I am home!”

Seungcheol was greeted at the door by the usual clattering sounds coming from the kitchen and echoed “How was school?” coming from his dad seated in the living room and his mom walking out from the bedroom. 

Taking off his shoes, he gave his mom a hug before making his way to the dining table to place the piping hot box of mandus on the side. He promptly trudged to his room, quickly dropped his bag onto the floor and changed out of his stuffy summer uniform, then returned to the kitchen to help his mom with dinner.

Evenings in the Choi household were usually a quiet, peaceful affair. Besides the usual check-up questions on him and his brother from their mother, they hardly spoke, choosing to indulge in each other’s presence as they finished their food quickly. However, his usual replies did not seem to satisfy his mom the least — throughout the meal, he could feel her glance at him, like she knew there was something going on, but couldn’t find the right words to ask. He could sense a similar, unsettled feeling from his brother sitting next to him, but didn’t dare to look at him to confirm any suspicions.

It was like they could read into him, and feel the confusion in his mind.

Seungcheol was still bothered by how he reacted in front of Jeonghan. How could he have stood there, stunned like a deer caught in the headlights? Why was he unable to talk to him like a normal friend half the time? Their walk to the train station was nothing more than a 5 minute journey to the dumpling stall, then a 2 minute walk to the station, yet why was he unable to think of anything but how pretty his hair looked under the late afternoon sun?

After their dinner, Seungcheol excused himself as fast as possible, saying he had a lot of homework to finish. (It was a complete lie. He had finished most of the work due this week in school.) His mother looked at him as if she could tell how poor of a lie he had made to avoid any questions from her, but she simply sighed and turned back to the dishes.

Back in his room, Seungcheol took out the work due next week and opened the pages, but the words did not process in his head.

All he could think about is the tingling feeling in his hand when he had touched Jeonghan.

_I am going insane right now. I am crazy. Who in the right mind will be thinking about someone’s fingers?_

“Seungcheol-ah, Appa wants you to go down to collect the mail.”

“Mmm.”

He wasn’t usually this unresponsive to Seunghoon, but right now, he was more worried about how he was going to face Jeonghan the next day.

“Omo, what is that pout? Is my baby brother having love problems now? Wanna tell me?”

“Ya!”

Seungcheol turned and stared daggers at his older brother, who smuggly took a step forward and make a face at him.

“Little Cheollie has a crush now! I’m telling Eomma~”

“Come back here, you bastard!”

From the living room came another voice.

“Choi Seungcheol! Clean your mouth a little!”

Seunghoon stuck out his tongue as he put on his university pullover, before slamming his door shut to prevent Seungcheol from kicking up another fuss. The latter huffed in resignation and returned back into his room.

As the night progressed, Seungcheol found himself opening up his phone gallery to look through his photos. (Work can be done later anyways.)

He scrolled through his pictures from orientation, where most of them were huddled together, with toothy smiles and peace signs, at various school venues. There was a particularly funny one, where he had accidentally set the timer to three seconds, so he had ran back to the class and leaped into the unexpecting arms of the people squatting in the front row, much to the amusement of the others as well. The picture came out unexpectedly well — everyone had a funny expression, reacting to his bold move, and everyone could be seen clearly. No one objected to keeping the photo. Seungkwan, Mingyu and Soonyoung were particularly fond of their comical faces and even decided to make it their class photo.

But further down, he spotted another picture that made him hitch his breath.

It was the festival night of their orientation. Every student gathered in the multipurpose hall to dance and drink (soft drinks, of course), the closest any of them would get to actual clubbing at their age. The pictures he took were nothing close to describing the exhilarating energy he felt that night.

His photography skills were also subpar: Wonwoo managed to capture the whole event on his DSLR so perfectly in one photo, it made his own look like a kid had taken them while running.

In the picture, the background is dark, almost pitch black. Only specks of coloured light, coming from the cheap spotlights bought at the dollar shop, kept the people in the picture barely visible. In the corner, Joshua and Minghao were having the time of their lives, swaying their head to the beat of the music, thus blurring their faces slightly, while Jihoon was staring at the stage with an entranced look on this face.

If he had to pick a favourite, it would be this one. 

Because it was the clearest picture he had of Jeonghan since the start of school.

Slightly lit by the light coming from the projector on the stage, one could see him mid-cheer, mouth wide open in a large smile as the video was played on the screen. It was a pure coincidence that he had even been in the picture: Seungcheol had wanted to take a photo of the girl who was headbangging to the loud music just when Jeonghan walked past him. Seungcheol couldn’t quite remember what video or song was being played at that time. He was too busy admiring the view before him. 

There was something that compelled him to keep the photo, despite the poor lighting and the blur that came with the constantly moving people. It couldn’t be for memories’ sake only. He had another 138 photos and group selfies to remember the night. 

Even so, he couldn’t bear to delete this one close-up shot he had. The only one he had, in fact.

_Little Cheollie has a crush now!_

Seunghoon’s words rang in his head. 

He knew his brother was just teasing him (as he always does 24/7 without fail). Still, it didn’t mean he didn’t take it to heart. Not when what he said made sense.

A crush was a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone deemed unattainable. He had seen his middle school classmates swoon over Kpop idols dancing on their phone screens, and friends complaining to him how they could never get together with the hot, busty noona who already had a boyfriend. Seungcheol could understand those. He even had his own little infatuation with IU after watching the whole of Scarlet Heart.

However, those never bothered him as much as Jeonghan did.

Jeonghan was his first friend in Pledis High School. Jeonghan sits next to him in class. Jeonghan eats lunch with him, walks to the train station with him, plays basketball with him. Jeonghan did everything a friend would do, so they were just friends… Right?

Yet Seungcheol still remembered how he became stunned after one look at his face under the hot morning sun. How he was taken aback by his elegant singing voice. How one touch made his face heat up...

Did he have a crush on Jeonghan?

Seungcheol shook his head and threw his phone onto his bed.

It couldn’t be.

Liking someone took time. It required well-spent, deep memories that build the foundation of a relationship. Not just throwing themselves into the deep end for a pretty face. 

It was just admiration, Seungcheol tried to convince himself. Admiration and envy for his natural talents and beauty.

Nothing more, and nothing less.

Just then, his phone rang at a new message. Picking up his phone, he saw that it was a new message from Jeonghan.

Quickly, he opened his KakaoTalk app and swiped to open the chat.

**Jeonghannie:  
Seungcheol-ah  
Can I borrow your correction tape for tomorrow  
I ran out of refills and the bookshops near my house aren’t open **

(Since when did he save Jeonghan’s name as Jeonghannie? He was sure he saved everyone’s contacts as Name (Pledis)... did Jeonghan change it without him knowing?)

Seungcheol leaped from his bed to check his bag. Sure enough, he only had one correction tape, but he didn’t use it much anyways. He could just cancel the words if he wrote anything wrong.

**Me:  
Sure**

**Jeonghannie:  
{Voice message} **

When he tapped the play button, Jeonghan's soft "Thank you so so much" brought a smile onto Seungcheol's face

_That beautiful voice_

He then heard the sound of a camera shutter going off. Looking up, he saw Seunghoon holding his phone upright, pointing at him. He was grinning at him, before he opened his mouth and shouted.

“Eomma! Seungcheol is smiling at his phone!” 

Seungcheol looked up and scowled at his brother who ran back. From the kitchen, he could hear his mother grumbling about how immature her two kids were for their age.

Looking back down at his phone, he glanced at the top of his phone screen.

A sudden thought flashed across his mind.

He remembered, back when the first few days of class had started, he had gone around asking for his classmates’ number. Jeonghan was one of the last people he had asked. He remembered that he had been in a hurry to hand up his work to the staffroom, so he didn’t fill up his name and left it blank. He remembered taking back his phone, and typing into the ‘Name’ section…

...

_Oh shit. I do have a crush on my friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work is so hard, school is so hard, life is so hard... At least my boss doesn't check my computer, so I can write my fanfic when work gets slow :)
> 
> After reading thru the whole fanfic, i realised how many grammar errors there are I am so embarrassed help me. This is why I have to take an English Test to go study overseas haiii (If anyone willing to help check my english I'll be grateful af)


	19. Seungcheol pt4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperation and jealousy is a bad look on you seungcheol~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was longer than expected
> 
> There is a reference to one line in Seungkwan part 3 but if you don't notice its fine :')  
> Spot the song references: Thinkin' About U and Pretty U!
> 
> Thank you @silverdoll14 for betaing my work

Birthdays are days full of excuses. 

Good ones, of course.

An excuse to eat all the foods you swore to never touch in effort to lose weight. 

An excuse to go wild and play hooky with friends, singing at noraebangs and letting loose. 

An excuse to celebrate among the mundaneness of everyday life.

A few weeks after the start of school, Wonwoo’s off-handed comment about buying Mingyu a present for his birthday started the birthday tradition in the group. Everyone, especially the loud and energetic BooSeokSoon trio, looked forward to each and every one of their birthdays (which was many).

It was a simple concept: just surprise the birthday boy at his house on the day of their birthday. Yet somehow it had a way of screwing up every time they tried. Murphy’s law was always in full force on anyone’s birthday.

Anything that could go wrong will go wrong.

Mingyu’s birthday was the first one they celebrated. Well, tried to. A whole day worth of rushing out to buy a beautiful red velvet cake and party decorations resulted in a huge domino effect of events. Jihoon, who offered to keep the cake in his fridge, missed his bus and had to hail a taxi to travel to Mingyu’s house. After a messy attempt to paste the streamers Jeonghan had bought on the wall while Mingyu’s mother laughed at the side in utter amusement, Mingyu arrived home happily surprised by the presence of his friends. But just as he realised something was off and turned around to check (“Where’s Jihoon?”), the boy in question ran through the door and slammed the cake into his face. It was a day to remember, in many ways.

Next, Junhui and Soonyoung’s birthdays were 5 days apart. Since there was an impending test on the 15th of June, the group decided to hold a birthday on a weekend, outdoors, with no fancy banners or balloons. Just a cake, some food, and company.

How could such a simple plan screw up?

By holding it at the zoo right next to the white tiger exhibit. Everyone thought it would be a good idea, seeing how much Soonyoung loved tigers. Who knew he would start crying about how sad they looked behind the glass and causing a commotion in the park? It was Jihoon who managed to talk him out of his emotional outburst in the end, but Jeonghan was especially sad that there were no nice pictures of that day. Just a few photos of the chaos unfolding and a video.

When the summer holidays came, Seungcheol thought that the unlucky streak would end. Everyone had more time and no homework, so plans were bound to work better, right?

No.

Wonwoo’s birthday was the first day of the holidays. Yet somehow, it ended up as a last-minute video call at 11pm, since almost everyone, except for Mingyu who lived three floors above him, was unable to make it to his house. Half of them, Seungcheol included, slept till noon after a hectic week of cramming mid-year exams. Jeonghan did not even bother replying to the group chat in the afternoon when most of them were frantically discussing how they would make up for not celebrating that day, choosing to take an afternoon nap amidst the panic.

Nevertheless, these birthday celebrations were something Seungcheol treasured a lot.

They were just an excuse to gain one more precious memory of all his close friends. 

A perfect excuse to be together as thirteen teenagers enjoying the beginning of their youth.

An even more perfect excuse to be with his crush, Jeonghan.

As the harsh summer breeze became gentle and the school break drew to a close, Seungcheol thought back to the well-spent day he had today.

August 8th, his 17th birthday.

It was everything he expected, and more.

Initially, he was rather upset that none of them sent him a birthday message at midnight. Jeonghan even went as far as to tease him by sending him a funny video on Instagram yet refusing to acknowledge that it was his birthday at that moment. Unfazed, he went to check on the others, who all left him on ‘received’ (even Jihoon, who infamously never slept before 4am).

Just when he was about to call up the group to invite them to dinner though, he heard the loud clamouring from his living room, and found them standing by the door smiling at him. Jeonghan was holding onto the cake, as Seungkwan chanted ‘Hana, dul, set!’, and everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to him. He would be lying if he said he was not touched to the core by their surprise visit (even though he had planned two of them himself).

Still, their birthdays never came without mishaps, and Seungcheol had a feeling it would happen to him, regardless of how hard he prayed.

Turns out, the cake was an ice cream cake — mint chocolate in fact. With the summer heat still in full swing, the sides of the cake started to melt and drip off the plate, spilling onto Jeonghan’s legs and the floor. Their mad rush to finish the melting cake resulted in Chan running to the toilet after inhaling a quarter of the ice cream on his own, and Joshua following suit to check on him.

Seungcheol could not have asked for a better birthday.

Despite the fact that problems still arose, it was the first time he had such a large celebration. His birthdays were always during the last weeks of the holidays, when people wanted to spend more time to themselves rather than go out, so he never spent it with many friends. Just a handful of close classmates who were kind enough to show up. Now, things had drastically changed, for the better.

He could still hear Seokmin belting out a new song he recently liked, Mingyu tripping over Minghao and Joshua, and Soonyoung shouting ‘Ya-ha!’ at the back of his mind as he laid on his bed. He was wearing the Scoups shirt they designed for him — he now loved the nickname given to him by his basketball seniors a little bit more. A satisfied smile was etched onto his face.

With them, it felt like a second home. There was a kind of warm being together with them…

Suddenly, the smile faltered a little.

Seungcheol recalled how far away Jeonghan looked today. Even when talking to him, his focus was elsewhere, like there was something deeply troubling him. His smile just did not look as bright as they usually were, and his eyebags were a little dark. (He looked beautiful anyways.)

What had been on his mind?

He turned to his side and sighed. Not a day goes by without thinking about the long-haired friend of his. For reasons he knew too well, Jeonghan was always there in his every waking moment, either next to him in class or occupying a good part of his thoughts. 

Like right now. 

Honestly, it made Seungcheol slightly frustrated. Why was he acting like this, self-control out of the window and all. He knew better: his priorities should be on doing well in school and training hard for basketball, yet he couldn’t help but let his mind wander towards the alluring memories of Jeonghan singing and smiling at him. 

Each day that passes won’t give any answer to this problem.

So Seungcheol found himself content with repeating these thoughts in his head.

God, he sounded like a lovesick fanboy.

But who wouldn’t want their thoughts to become reality? Even a hint of hope that he could mean something more than ‘my good friend Scoups!’...

Seungcheol then heard the sound of the doorbell ringing and the soft patter of his mother walking towards the door to see who was visiting late at night.

“Eomeo-nim, sorry to disturb you at this hour. I am looking for Seungcheol?”

He could hear Jeonghan’s voice from his roo…

Wait, Jeonghan?!

Seconds later, he heard the sound of the door being closed, yet Jeonghan’s voice still remained clear inside the house.

“I’ll just pass this to him and be off, Eomeo-nim… Thank you… Sorry to trouble you… Ah, no need, no need...”

Seungcheol scanned his room quickly. It was a mess, as it had always been, but he couldn’t let Jeonghan see the terrible state of his bedroom. Who knew what he might tease him for and use for blackmail material! Worst of all, he couldn’t let him see what’s on his table.

Jeonghan’s birthday was barely 2 months away. It made sense for him to start preparing something… Right?

He had to hide the gift right away.

Hurriedly, he threw the dirty laundry he had on the floor into a cloth bag and shoved them into his cupboard. He swept all his books into his bag and placed the gift into his drawer, just when he heard a soft knock on his door.

“Seungcheol, your friend is here to see you!”

Turning around, he saw Jeonghan standing at his door, giving him a playful smirk as he raised his hand to show him the plastic bag he was holding. Suddenly, he could smell the aroma of fried chicken permeating the air.

“Is that…?”

“KyoChon Chicken? Yes. I bought it on the way here, so it's still fresh and hot.”

As Jeonghan made his way into his slightly tidier room and sat down on the floor, Seungcheol eyed him all the way.

“What brings you here?”

“Can’t I spend the last hour of my friend’s birthday together with him? After all, my presence is a gift… Hey!”

Jeonghan shrieked as a pillow came flying towards him. 

“Ya! You just wanted an excuse to eat fried chicken!”

“It’s the thought that counts!”

The room erupted with laughter as the two of them chatted and finished the piping hot chicken in a manner of minutes. 

The ‘hour hand inched closer to the ‘12’ mark, but to Seungcheol, it felt like no time had passed at all. Even when his body sent waves of fatigue over him, and his eyes threatened to close, he didn’t want to leave the boy for a second. This moment was too precious.

Just the two of them. 

Together.

It was literally the best birthday present ever. (Jeonghan was right.)

Yet… How he dreamed for it to be more than just a friendly late night conversation. He knew he was asking for too much. They only knew each other for 6 months. 

But one could hope...

He would just have to find another good excuse to keep Jeonghan close to him like this. 

~~~

“Scoups! Get your act together! Block the opponent!”

Seungcheol sprinted forward, raising his hand towards the basketball, only to miss it by a hair’s width. The ball lands into Shownu ’s hands and he watched as the older student threw the ball straight into the hoop. The coach whistled a second later and raised his hand to end the game. 

The second year students won. Again. 78 to 35.

Dropping onto his knees, Seungcheol slumped onto the floor and fell forward on his hands, but he could barely hold himself up with his tired, trembling arms. So instead, he leaned back and fell on his back, letting the cool court tiles soak up the sweat dripping off his body and neck. Staring up at the darkening sky, he watched the cloudless azure sky as the coach started his usual debrief.

“Remember to watch your condition over the next two months. Do some light exercise at home. Those who live near a sports hall, practice your drills once in a while. Your techniques were astoundingly bad today. Especially you, Seungcheol. Ever since Monday… It’s like you are not even trying. Your runs are sluggish and you can’t even pass properly…”

He let the rest of his words fade away behind the loud panting of his teammates. From the corner of his eyes, he spotted Mingyu hunched over, gripping his knee, and Wonwoo seated on the ground, with his hands behind to support him. Hansol was standing closer to the coach, fanning his jersey to cool down, but his eyes were on him, looking at him like he was a bullied child seeking help. 

It irritated him a little. He didn’t like people worrying about him when it was not their problem to care. Why was Hansol even caring about what the coach was saying about him? A few strict comments on his poorer-than-usual performance had been expected anyways. Their friendly games with the neighbouring schools were to begin two weeks later, and yet he had let his own personal problems interfere with his gameplay.

But who could blame him?

If any other guy had been in his position, they would surely be distracted beyond measure.

Seungcheol was strolling back to the classroom, holding a small bottle of strawberry milk and an isotonic drink. Their lessons had ended ten minutes ago, so they were waiting for the next bell before heading to their respective locations for their after-school club activities.

He was about to enter the classroom to pass Jeonghan his drink, but stopped just outside the door when he heard him talking.

“But you agree, Shua. She is really pretty. Like breathtakingly pretty.”

“Sure, she has a nice face but…”

“Joshua, I have to tell her. That I like her.”

Seungcheol felt the air around him momentarily went stale. Like the floor was crumbling underneath him and he was left hanging onto a tiny edge. He didn’t dare to look inside. It would hurt more to see Jeonghan’s expression talking about some girl he probably didn’t know.

Then, Jihoon’s voice chimed in.

“What’s so great about that transfer student even? She just magically appeared one fine day and now everyone likes her? That cold-hearted bitch called me a gremlin!”

“But you are, Jihoon hyung…” 

He heard Seokmin said offhandedly .

“Oh, fuck off!”

Transfer student? 

They must be talking about Kyulkyung. She had recently enrolled into Pledis High and was assigned to their class. Admittedly, she was a natural beauty. He could tell why boys and girls alike would fall for her left and right, making her the talking point of the school. Yet, like a siren, her beauty was skin-deep. He has witnessed first-hand how awful she was to Seungkwan, Seokmin and Jihoon for their appearances. It still made his blood boil remembering her insulting comments. To him, it would take a complete fool to fall for such a shallow girl.

He would never have imagined his Jeonghan being one of those people.

“She is just not used to talking to guys. She came from an all-girls’ school so she just needs more time to understand how things work here.”

Seungkwan was quick to retaliate.

“She’d better! After calling me a tangerine! I can’t believe that ice cold bitch...”

Seungcheol bit his lips as he kept himself hidden behind the wall.

To him, he couldn’t understand. Why was Jeonghan defending her so much? Her personality was rotten and had nothing other than looks. Just exactly which part about her made his friend so enamored?

“Seungkwan, Jihoon, I know you are all upset about yesterday. I am sure Jeonghan doesn’t approve of her actions either. But if he likes her, we will support him… right?”

Joshua’s words were laced with threat as silence took over the room. There was some shuffling, before he heard Seokmin speak for the first time.

“If Jeonghan wants to be with her, we can’t do anything about…”

“No! I cannot let him follow her blindly into whatever honey trap she has up her sleeves. She is a horrible, horrible person, hyung. Why do you even like her?”

“I don’t know, Seungkwan! When I see her, my heart melts. When I think about her, I want to pick and gather all the pretty words for her. There is no reason. I just like her!”

Seungcheol heard someone get up from their seat and stomp towards the door. Quickly, he ran down the corridor and hid behind the lockers. He saw Seungkwan storm out from the classroom with his bag slung over his shoulder and walk in the direction of the music room.

His heart was pounding furiously in his chest now. 

Jeonghan just described everything he had felt about him. It was like he knew exactly how he was feeling. 

Gripping the drinks, he ran down the corridor towards the outdoor court. There wouldn’t be anyone there at that time, since other students still had classes. He would be alone, practicing, keeping himself distracted from the thought of his crushing liking someone else.

The sun was almost gone when he finished packing his bag and walking towards the back gate.

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Hansol had left the court a few minutes ago, which left him as the last one to leave school. 

At this point, he should be worrying about upcoming assignments and projects due. Or the fact that his mother had noticed that he had forgotten to turn off the heater for the shower in the morning and had texted him about it in the afternoon. Of all the things that should be occupying his mind, he had to spot Jeonghan standing by the backgate, talking to Hansol.

The sight of Jeonghan immediately brought back his memory of the conversation he overheard in that afternoon. He wished he hadn’t heard anything. He wished he could ignore everything from four days ago and forget the whole thing. But his stupid head just refused to let him have a day of peace without Jeonghan’s words bombarding his head.

I just like her!

“Hey, Cheol! Taking the train back today?”

Seungcheol looked up and saw Jeonghan give him a wide smile. Hansol was standing behind him, with the same worry as before showing clearly on his face. He hesitated for a moment, before running out of the gate, leaving the two of them alone.

“Er, no. I will take the bus. It’s faster…”

It was a lie. The bus went one big round before reaching any train station, which resulted in his travel home to be extended by half an hour. It was even worse when he finished training — the extra travel time just added to his lethargy in the worst possible way.

Jeonghan could easily see through the lie. He knew every bus route to and from school by heart. There was no way to get pass him, but he couldn’t be bothered to come up with a better excuse.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

That was what he had been afraid to hear.

“You sit with Jihoon during lunch, you haven’t asked me a single question in class, and I barely get any responses from you when I ask you things on KakaoTalk… Did I do something?”

Whipping his head up to face Jeonghan, Seungcheol struggled to an excuse to his actions.

“No! No! It’s not your fault! You.. You didn’t do anything wrong. All good. There is nothing weird or awkward between us, what are you even saying? I…”

Jeonghan stepped forward and stared at him. Still, he didn’t dare to look at him in the eye.

“Is it because you think that you are being too clingy?”

“Huh?”

That was certainly not what he was expecting.

“Hansol just told me. He said that you thought that you were imposing yourself onto me. That you were forcing me to hang out with you.”

Seungcheol remembered that conversation. Joshua had meant to tease Seungkwan after the brown-haired boy received yet another free cup of iced americano from Jeonghan.

“At this rate, Seungcheol and I are gonna be jealous at how much attention you are getting from him.” 

“But Seungcheol hyung always sticks to him like glue. He is getting more attention from him than I ever would, so you should be jealous of him!”

His words made him wary of him actions, so he confided in Hansol for advice. But that was two weeks ago. It didn’t worry him as much now!

“There is no need for a reason or an excuse to hang out with me, you know. You are my friend! Besides, I missed your company...”

Seungcheol was dumbstruck. Never in his life did he imagine a day he would hear Jeonghan say that he missed him. His heart raced as he tried to reply, but not a single word could be formed from his mouth. His brain was a mess from all the things that had happened, he couldn’t decide what to say.

“Er… Thanks?”

“Thanks? Is that all you have to say to my heartfelt confession? Now its my turn to be upset. How could you abandon me when you agreed to help me study for the physics test! My closest friend left me to die alone… How pitiful...”

“You just want me to buy you food again, right!”

“Cheollie is so smart!”

As they walked out the back gate together, he couldn’t help but notice the extra spring in his step as he made his way towards the convenience store. His face was glowing and even in the darkness, he could see the slight curve upwards of his lips.

Did his presence do all this? 

Did being with him make him happy?

Seungcheol looked up at the sky and made a silent promise.

As long as he made him this happy, he would do anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, too many ideas... Seungcheol's part will take a while... like another 6-7 chapters oops 
> 
> But its a good distraction from my work I don't want it to end...


	20. Seungcheol pt5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's day is here... Love is in the air, and so is despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly inspired by Adore U (a very fitting song) and there is a whole scene from Seungkwan pt 3 so now we know what went down before and after :)
> 
> Thanks sliverdoll14 for betaing at 2am in the morning

“Seungcheol, what will you be doing tomorrow?”

Unfortunately for Junhui, the student in question barely paid attention to him. Instead, he found himself deeply entranced in a daydream.

To anyone looking from outside their classroom, they would be able to see the dopey smile plastered on Seungcheol’s face. One would wonder, did he do exceedingly well in the final exams? Did the school basketball team finally win at a game? The ‘dazzling’ aura that was emitting from the student from class 1-7 was so obvious that murmurs started to grow louder from along the corridor from curious passersby (mostly from girls who wanted to admire the view).

“Seungcheol… Oi, Scoups! Choi Seungcheol!!”

Junhui tried asking again, but to no avail. His friend was too focused on whatever cheesy idea he had floating in his head. 

As a last ditch attempt, the chinese student crept up towards the daydreaming boy, reached for his hair, and pulled his sideburns.

“Ah! Oh my… Fuck!!”

Junhui stumbled back laughing as Seungcheol continued to curse at his friend. He rubbed the sides of his face that have already begun to turn red and glared at him.

“Ya! Wen Junhui! Did you really need to do that?”

His voice might have came off a little too fierce, he soon realised, when he heard a collective gasp from outside the classroom. Turning his head, he saw a group of girls (and a few guys) scramble off in a frenzy. He was confused as to why there had been a crowd standing there in the first place. Nevertheless, he brought his attention back to the lanky student who was now seated on the desk behind him, whistling nonchalantly while staring at him. 

“You didn’t hear my question, so I had to get your attention somehow.”

“By ripping out my hair?”

“Hey! You didn’t respond even when I shouted into your ear.”

Seungcheol vaguely remembered someone calling out for him a moment ago. In his defence, he really couldn’t be bothered.

He was more excited about tomorrow.

The day of love and romance: Valentine’s Day.

As a hopeless romantic himself, the day was among his favourite celebrations throughout the year (after Christmas of course). What else could be more magnificent than a whole day dedicated to the idea of love itself, between friends and couples alike! 

Valentine’s day always had this enchanting feeling for him. After years of seeing his grandparents walk hand in hand through the park on this day every year with tooth-rotting, sweet smiles on their faces, and his parents banter teasingly in the living room while sharing a box of supermarket chocolates, Seungcheol was more than certain that there was magic in Valentine’s Day.

Besides, there were other fun elements that he had thoroughly enjoyed as well.

Valentine’s day had meant more juicy stories to hear from classmates about girls getting asked out by boys and vice versa, best friends caught going out together in the not-so-platonic way, and public confessions that could go either ways (the grander it was, the funnier it would be). It meant being able to indulge in the special run of his favourite romance dramas, where the female lead would find herself in the middle of a long-winded, but charming speech confessing their undying crush. Valentine’s day was when he could listen to sweet love songs being played on the radio all day long (and he liked every single one of them).

However, if he had to be more specific as to why he was so deep in thought, it had to be him.

Yoon Jeonghan.

Because on the eve of the most romantic day of the year, who else could he be thinking of?

The closer it was to the actual day, the more he could feel the butterflies in his stomach, fluttering around at every moment he caught sight of the boy. These days, he had a lot of thoughts about what to do and what to say in front of him. All the way down to the simplest of details, like whether he should tell him that he would save him a seat at the canteen when the long-haired boy was busy with his project submissions. 

Junhui and the others had noticed the change too. Just yesterday, Chan had called him weird when he had remained ‘unnaturally silent’ during a casual discussion about their plans for the winter holidays. Seokmin had also asked if he was forcing himself to come to school despite being sick, saying that he wasn’t talking as much and was worried. 

He couldn’t bring to tell them the truth behind his sudden behaviour. What would they say when they knew the defacto leader of their circle of friends had a crush on someone within that circle? 

He couldn’t just outright explain that he was becoming more clumsy and distant because his heart raced whenever he was in front of Jeonghan. Nor could he lie to them in the face and say that he was feeling queasy.

At that moment, Junhui coughed into the back of his hand (a little too loudly for it to be a real cough). 

Seungcheol then realised he had let himself slip into his thoughts again. Sheepishly, he looked down and asked his friend.

“So what did you want to ask?”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

Whipping his head up, Seungcheol raised his hand and gave Junhui a not-so-soft flick to the forehead. The chinese student grimaced as he rubbed the spot he was hit.

“You pulled my sideburns to ask me that?”

“It’s a serious question! Soonyoung, Minghao, Chan and I are heading to Hongdae after school to eat the famous jjajangmyeon there. I haven’t asked the rest, but I know Jihoon, Mingyu and Wonwoo will be busy with... whatever they said they where doing. So? You free?”

Seungcheol had heard of the place before. It was all over Twitter and many of his middle school friends had claimed that it was the best thing they had eaten in a week, so he badly wanted to try it. 

But he had plans. Sort of.

Since tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, he had wanted to invite Jeonghan to watch Keys to the Heart, the comedy movie they had wanted to watch for quite some time. He had planned that afterwards, they would go out for dinner together, and maybe then, he could tell him all the things he had wanted to say since the first day. 

To confess to him. Tell him how much he liked him. Say to him that what he felt had long past a childish infatuation, and that he ought to know how he truly felt about him.

But the jjajangmyeon…

Seungcheol suddenly sat up and grabbed Junhui by the shoulder, startling him.

“Have you asked Jeonghan?”

Junhui blinked a few times, still processing his friend’s sudden burst of energy, before stuttering a reply.

“Er, no? I actually thought that maybe you could ask him for me? Since you are closer to…”

“Of course! I’ll ask! See you guys tomorrow!”

He was almost prancing off when he left the classroom with his bag. The chinese student just sat there, completely puzzled by the 180 degrees shift in his friend’s attitude.

Seungcheol happily made his way to the back gate. 

Tomorrow, he will invite him out to eat with the rest of them. And when the moment is right, when they were alone on their way back home, he would confess.

~~~

The air was tingling with anticipation when he stepped through the back gate. Even when he was walking towards the lockers, he could hear it. The endless gossip about which guy or girl will be going on dates and which poor fellow will not receive anything on the special day. The anxious murmurs coming from students of all ages hoping that their confidence to confess would not go to waste. The hopeful whispers from those who wish to realise their dreams of being with their crushes.

Even though he didn’t like to participate in gossip and didn’t go around telling people about how he was going to confess to his friend Jeonghan later that day, he couldn’t help but empathise with the latter. The truth was ready to burst out of him any moment now, but he had to be patient. 

It had to be perfect.

A few minutes later, Seungcheol found himself standing face to face with Jeonghan. The latter was busy typing on his phone, barely noticing the presence of his friend right in front of him, but Seungcheol didn’t mind. It gave him more time to admire him. His silky smooth hair that smelt like lavender, his nimble fingers flying across the glass screen like he were playing the piano, his lips curving up slightly as he tried to suppress a smile…

(Who was he texting? Was Seungkwan or Seokmin sending him another funny message?)

Before he could reach out his hand to get Jeonghan’s attention, a voice rang out from behind him.

“Hey Seungcheol! Hi Jeonghan!”

Turning around, he saw Joshua running towards them. Smiling widely, Seungcheol waved at him. Jeonghan had also heard his voice and looked up from his phone, grinning at him.

“Sorry, was I late?”

Jeonghan tucked his phone into his pocket before responding.

“The homeroom bell hasn’t rung has it? Your perfect track record will be fine.”

Joshua rolled his eyes.

The three of them headed towards their lockers. Jeonghan reached his locker first, which was next to Seungcheol and Joshua’s, and promptly started fumbling through his bag for the stack of books he intended to keep inside. Soon after, Seungcheol opened his locker and, with a raised eyebrow, pulled out a messy stack of pink and red envelopes. Many of them had gaudy heart and flower stickers pasted on them and one was even glittery. The confused boy flipped the notes and stared at them like they had been some chinese scriptures.

From the corner of his eye, he could see a few girls standing behind the classroom door or standing against the wall, frequently looking in his direction as if to check if he had looked at the notes. This reminded him of the slight commotion he had caused yesterday, when he had shouted at Junhui. Thinking back, he slowly began to realise why that crowd of students had been there in the first place.

“Looks like Cheol is more popular than we thought, huh Shua?”

“Yeah, everyone’s got the hots for our Coups! Ahahaha!”

“Shut up, you two. You guys didn’t even check your own lockers yet.”

The now-blushing Seungcheol glared at his two friends. He knew he and his friends were not completely unpopular, so a letter or two would be the most they would expect. He hadn’t thought a whole hoard of people would be interested in him. While he felt honoured (it made him slightly proud), he didn’t really know how he should respond.

Did he need to give a proper reply to each and every one of them?

Seungcheol began looking through each letter, checking the names, or the lack thereof, on the back of each note. Bora… Didn’t know her. Hyelim… Was she from next door? Taehoon… The guy who sat at the back of the class? He scratched his head in frustration.

He didn’t even know any of them personally.

And not a single one of them was from Jeonghan!

(He had hope, even though it was more than certain that the long-haired boy would never do something as cliche as write a pink, heart-shaped letter.)

Seeing his friend’s flustered look, Joshua rolled his eyes and stifled a laugh, but his smile fell the moment his locker door opened and a small pink note fluttered down to his feet. Seungcheol could hear the sound of Jeonghan taking out his phone to snap a picture of his friend’s shocked expression as he pulled out a stack of papers similar to his. He could not help but laugh as well.

“I guess the gentleman Joshua is pretty popular too.”

“Yoon Jeonghan, don’t think you are left out of this. I bet you have more than both of us combined.”

Joshua made a fair point. Objectively speaking, with no bias coming from his own feelings for the student, Jeonghan had always been quite stunning. His looks had garnered a small group of admirers from their cohort within a month of the start of school. If Seungcheol and Joshua didn’t know better, that group would have grown quite a bit after a year. 

(And no, he wasn’t jealous at all. He was the one who got to spend time with the beautiful man everyday. Those girls and boys could never reach his level.)

“Please. While I would happily take that compliment, Shua, I must also inform you that I have a massive break-out and a bruise here from slamming my head straight into the Administration Office door. I mean, who would like this kind of a face?”

Seungcheol looked up a bit to see the injury he had mentioned.He remembered how red the bruise looked like when he had helped to ice the bump on his head. It scared him, seeing how it was almost turning purple the next day, but now after a week, he was glad that it had faded into a yellowish-brown, indicating that it was almost healed.

As Jeonghan reached for his own locker, he hesitated for a moment. Seungcheol felt as though he was looking at him, seeking some sort of assurance from him before looking into the dreaded locker. 

He watched as Jeonghan pulled his locker open. Spotting the stack of pink and red notes inside, he immediately burst out laughing along with Joshua. 

Pouting, the long-haired student looked towards his friends and paused.

“Well, Seungcheol still got the most out of all of us, so he wins. Congrats to the Couparangs!”

Couparangs? 

Seungcheol had never heard of that term before.

“What’s that?”

“The S.Coups fanclub! And I am the president because I came up with the name. Those girls can fight for the title all they want but I’ll still beat their ass!”

Seungcheol gave a small laugh and shoved the notes in his bag. Jeonghan looked down at his own stack and started checking for names, before neatening out the letters and placing them on the side before taking out his books.

He was relieved that Jeonghan had been too distracted by the notes to look up at him. If he had, he would have seen how much redder his ears were becoming, or how he was gripping onto the notes a little tighter than before. Inside, Seungcheol’s mind was having a rollercoaster ride. Jeonghan’s words had such an effect on him, he was almost sure he was going to drop dead from how fast his heart was beating. Jeonghan as the president of the S.Coups fanclub… The sound of it coming from him made him squirm in excitement.

Was there a possibility that Jeonghan liked him just as much? It was a wild thought, but it was all it took for him to start recalling every moment they spent together. Sure, Jeonghan was more than affectionate to the other people in their large group of friends, especially to the three younger ones, but that was how he was normally around others. As much as he wanted to say that he only treated him this way, it would be an absolute lie.

Yet moments like these where his words felt a little more fond, like he had an underlying message of ‘I like you a lot, Seungcheol’ awaiting to be understood. It gave him hope, fuelling him just a little more...

_I need to tell him today._

But little did he know how badly everything would turn out.

How Jeonghan had been texting Kyulkyung, who had been the one to reach out to him first, saying something along the lines of ‘you are handsome enough’. 

How they had agreed to go out together on the 14th after school, to eat at some fancy expensive cafe at Gangnam that Kyulkyung apparently loved, leaving him unavailable to join his friends for a simple plate of jjajangmyeon.

How the moment they stepped out of school together, the whispers started flying around and the news spread far and wide, capturing the affection of the whole student population.

_New Power Couple!_

_Pretty Duo!_

_The King and Queen of Pledis!_

All while a student from class 1-7 sat alone in an empty classroom, unable to say anything but wish his first love all the happiness in the world for finally getting the girl he liked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start another fic... But if i start I can't keep up with this fic... asdfghjkl


	21. Seungcheol pt6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is worried for Jeonghan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can refer to the flashbacks of Kyulkyung at the start of Seungkwan's part and Jihoon's part

“Seungcheol, we need to... talk.”

Seungcheol looked up from his textbook to find Seokmin and Chan standing in front of him with arms folded. Like they were expecting him to give them some command or instruction. Their brooding expression was what caught his attention the most.

He had never seen the two looked so serious in his life (or more accurately, the one year he knew them), so it worried him immensely to see them like that.

His first thought was that they were angry. 

Did he do something wrong? He knew he was prone to losing his friends’ things whenever he borrowed them, but not only are Chan and Seokmin the least likely to scold him for such matters, he had not borrowed anything from them since school reopened a month ago. Did he offend them? Seungcheol knew he sometimes came off as scary, even to his closest friends. But knowing them, Seokmin would laugh off any insult coming his way and Chan would rather not talk about it.

The next thing he thought was plausible was that they got into trouble.

Given how wild their antics could get, it wouldn’t be surprising that they accidentally started another fire or spilled food on a passing student who didn’t take their actions kindly. Even worse, they start fighting between themselves and tensions become strained (Seungkwan once got into a huge argument with Jihoon and they two of them refused to even look at each other for a week). Seungcheol and Jeonghan had to regularly go and help resolve any issues as the groups’ ‘parents’. (He liked that title very very much.)

Unless it was the latter who got caught in a mess, then Seungcheol was more than happy to watch Jeonghan mastermind his way out of any punishment. It intrigued him how he could squeeze himself out of any situation unscathed when the others could barely make it out of their self-created mess alive. (Only a genius like him could do it.)

Seungcheol placed his textbook in his bag and sighed.

“What did you two do this time?”

Chan scoffed before replying.

“Hyung, we don’t only come to you when we are in trouble.” 

“Did you not come to me last week because you almost lost your weekly allowance to the guy from class 1-5 for challenging his use of honorifics?” 

Chan opened his mouth, wanting to say something in defense, but quickly decided against it and bit his lips.

Seokmin spoke up next.

“It’s not us. It’s Jeonghan.”   
Seungcheol perked up hearing his name, a small hitch in his breath dangerously close to exposing itself, but then he decided to slouch back into his chair later in effort to cover up his response to his name. Seokmin and Chan didn’t seem to notice, to which he was relieved.

He hated how much Jeonghan was still affecting him.

After all that had happened.

He hated hearing the gossip, the never-ending whispers filling the school when he stepped back into the school after the winter break. Everyone seemed eager to praise and congratulate the couple, for their looks especially. Many of them even went as far as to follow a newly-created Instagram account dedicated to the two, though the account only had one picture to-date. He wished all the noise would disappear and stop constantly reminding him of the long-haired crush of his.

He hated how even though Jeonghan had started dating Kyulkyung for the past two months, the thoughts failed to leave him, haunting every moment he spent with his friend. The fragments of his shattered dreams remained painfully in his mind, jabbing his dead heart every now and then when he could no longer bear to be reminded of the beautiful boy that once made it feel alive.

He hated how he couldn’t look at Jeonghan in the eye without thinking about how it no longer shone only for him, but for a girl he despised. Despite having seen so clearly for himself how happy he was with her. Despite wishing only for his happiness. He just couldn’t bring himself to find an ounce of goodness in her. Everything, from the way she treated her friends to the way she talked to him, just made it impossible for him to understand. (Yet he tolerated it. If he was happier this way.)

The worst is, even after all of that, Jeonghan remained by his side. It wasn’t that he had left him. In fact, he would have felt better if Jeonghan had completely dropped him to be with Kyulkyung. But that kind-hearted boy just stuck to him like glue. On one hand, it meant he hadn’t lost him as a friend. But he didn’t know how much longer he could take being at the receiving end of his messages and rants about his dating problems, like where to bring her for dinner, or what to get for her birthday.

It wasn’t exactly painful to be reminded anymore. Seungcheol would just rather **never ever** be reminded **ever again** about how he lost the chance of a lifetime to confess to the first guy he liked a lot. That’s all.

“Earth to Choi Seungcheol…?”

Seungcheol snapped back into reality and found Seokmin’s face obnoxiously close to his.

“Get your face out of here, arghh. Don’t call me by my full name…”

Seokmin then sat himself on the desk in front of him and placed his hands by his side.

“As I was saying, you need to go figure out what’s wrong with Jeonghan…”

Seungcheol immediately frowned at the statement.

“What happened to him?”

Chan was quick to butt into the conversation.

“Weren’t you listening, hyung? Jeonghan is avoiding us. He rarely replies to our messages and hasn’t eaten lunch with us since school reopened!”

Seungcheol rested his chin on his palm.

“Isn’t that normal for a dating person? He would sit with Kyulkyung instead of us, spend more time texting her…”

“But the Jeonghan we know would never miss Mingyu’s birthday!”

“What?”

“Yeah! Jeonghan isn’t coming this weekend. He just texted me he wasn’t free and then refused to reply me afterwards. He walked away when he saw me approaching him during break. It’s like he doesn’t care anymore… I am worried, what if he is forgetting about us…”

Seungcheol spotted Seokmin’s lips trembling slightly at the last word and hastily stood up to hug the boy. Seokmin continued muttering into his shoulders while Chan watched by the side silently, afraid to provoke him any further. Eventually, he broke away from the hug and wiped his face.

“Seungcheol, please convince him to come. You are the only one who he still contacts frequently. Mingyu would be sad if he knew that Jeonghan wasn’t coming so... You will talk to him, right?”

He bit the inside of his mouth. 

As much as he would like to stay out of Jeonghan’s affairs, he knew that something must have gone wrong if he was going to miss something as important as this. He was even talking about what present to buy for him a few nights ago, so how could he have changed his mind so suddenly?

And if he didn’t know better, it had something to do with that girl Kyulkyung.

~~~

The number you have dialed is unavailable. Please try again l…

Seungcheol tapped on his phone screen to hang up the call before dropping his hand by his side. If he wasn’t standing in front of so many people, he would have slammed his hand onto the side of the lockers, but it wouldn’t do his hand (or his phone screen) any good.

This was the 20th time he had tried calling Jeonghan since last night. 

He originally intended to talk to him about Mingyu’s birthday party over KakaoTalk so that he wouldn’t have to listen to his voice. But after five hours, seeing that there was no reply (and not even a ‘Read’ tick at the side), he tried to call him, hoping that the ringtone would at least catch his attention. Yet his efforts were all useless. Even when he checked his phone in the morning before heading out of his house, Jeonghan still hasn’t read any of his messages. 

It was too strange: he would never leave a text unreplied, and it was his habit to scroll through his SNS before sleeping. So what made him so busy that he couldn’t even touch his phone for the whole night? There weren't any tests or exams, not a single project has been assigned yet, and the choir competition was still months away. He remembered that the boy told him he had a dinner date, but it couldn’t have occupied him so much so that he couldn’t even hear his phone ring or check for notifications after he was done.

What was going on?

“Seungcheol, what are you doing standing outside of the classroom?”

He turned his head to find Wonwoo staring at him, confused. 

“Just waiting for Jeonghan, that’s all.”

He wasn’t even lying, but he still felt the need to give his friend a bright smile as affirmation. His eyebrows furrowed for a bit as he kept glaring at him, but later let out a short sigh and placed his hands in his pockets.

“Help me tell him to check his phone. I sent him the articles he asked for but he hasn’t seen it yet.”

Before Wonwoo stepped into the classroom, Seungcheol grabbed his arm.

“What articles?”

“Huh? Oh. He wanted to do research on places with good photo spots, so he asked me for information about where I take the photographs on my Twitter and how to get to those places.”

Jeonghan was never a fan of photography. Knowing Wonwoo, the places he mentioned were all back-alleys and off-the-trail parts of forests. Jeonghan would rather run an extra mile during Choir warmups than to go to such places, so what was the reason for wanting to go to these spots? 

Minutes passed. Most of the class had already sat themselves in their respective seats, but Jeonghan was nowhere to be seen. When Joshua came to class, he had asked him about the long-haired boy’s whereabouts, but he was equally as oblivious as to why their friend was missing. He tried to make a few more calls, but he didn’t pick up.

That had been his last resort. He was more than concerned at this point: he was terrified.

Everything that was happening was so unlike Jeonghan. 

It was as if he had simply vanished off the face of the Earth. Something incredibly bad must have happened last night on his date for him to completely shut off everyone.

Where was he? 

Was he okay? 

Was he safe?

Just then, a familiar head of long, black hair appeared down the corridor. Seungcheol could hear her light giggles along with those of her classmates, and the sharp clacking sound of their heels tapping the floor as they walked towards him. He spotted her, clad in her school uniform (which looked like the skirt had been altered shorter) and a maroon cardigan, breaking into a wide, toothy smile as the girl beside her continued rambling nonsense he didn’t understand.

Kyulkyung.

“Ya! Where is Jeonghan?”

The girls, especially Kyulkyung, were shocked by his voice. They immediately looked at him, cowering at the sight of him storming towards them, but not Kyulkyung. She raised an eyebrow at him, tilted her head slightly, and crossed her arms. Leaning onto her right leg, one would have thought she was posing as a model, if not for the condescending look on her face as she rolled her eyes at him.

“Oh look, the dog has arrived.”

“What did you say?”

“Don’t you agree? You trail behind my boyfriend like a stupid dog following its master.”

Clenching his fist, Seungcheol tried to keep a straight face as the girl kept her gaze on him, smirking at his lack of a comeback. He could feel the sting of blood coming out of his palm, but it didn’t matter.

“Where is Jeonghan? He hasn’t replied any of our messages and calls, and now he is missing from school and we can’t contact him. Is he sick? Injured?”

Kyulkyung scoffed as she made her way to her locker and turned the knob to open it.

“Poor thing. Lost without his owner. Doesn’t that sound pathetic? Want a treat?”

The girls who were with her let out peals of laughter.

Seungcheol turned towards them and continued. His patience was wearing thin.

“You can insult me all you want. I don’t care. You had a date with him last night so you must have known if something was wrong with him. Where is he?”

Closing her locker, Kyulkyung groaned and swung her head back dramatically. She turned to look at him, and he could smell the annoyance reeking from her every word.

“You mean that disgusting pop-up KBBQ place? That has got to be the worst date ever. I can’t believe he brought me to eat such shit. I can still taste the grease, augh…”

Seungcheol knew about the KBBQ stop she was talking about. It was Jeonghan’s favourite place and they went there so often that the ajumma recognised him and gave him free bulgogi whenever they ate there. He had asked him once, a week or more ago, if bringing a girl to eat there was a good idea, and Seungcheol had been nothing but supportive of the idea of letting him introduce to her his favourite foods. How differently had things turned out.

“... He should have brought me to a restaurant, or a cafe at least, right? That pig has no common sense. If not for his looks…”

“What did you call him?”

He was trying so hard to hold it in, but he knew another word from her would be the end of his limits.

“A pig. Just like all of you idiots. Stuffing your faces with convenience store ramyeon and tteokbokki. I thought someone with a pretty face like his would at least have the basic decency to eat proper food, not shit like this. Too bad he is handsome. I wouldn’t be able to stand his attitude if he didn’t look good. Who even tells their girlfriend that they are…”

A loud slam against the locker resonated throughout the corridor. A few students peeked out to see what was happening, only to find Seungcheol with one hand next to Kyulkyung’s face. From one side, people couldn’t see their expressions, but the scorn on both of their faces were evident to some.

“How could you say something so horrible about your boyfriend? Do you even have any dignity left after saying such things?”

The low growl in his voice did not scare her one bit. Raising her hand, she poked her finger into his chest, with her fierce eyes locked onto his.

“He is **my** boyfriend. I have every right to call him whatever I want. It’s not my responsibility to be the better person, it’s him. He approached me first, so he has to prove himself.”

Kyulkyung pushed him away from the lockers using her finger.

“I hate people like you, so barbaric and immature. You and your stupid friends better stay away from my Jeonghan and keep your filthy ways of living from him. It took me two months to get him under my finger, I am not letting you brainwash him out of my hands.”

Seungcheol wanted so badly to punch her, shout at her, or just do anything to retaliate, but there were too many eyes watching them. He gritted his teeth and lowered his arm to his side.

From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a flash of auburn hair float passed him. He turned around to find Jeonghan hurriedly opening his locker outside the classroom.

“Jeonghan! Are you alright? You…”

Seungcheol walked towards him, a stream of questions ready to pour out of him. However, one glare from him silenced him.

“Stop bothering Kyulkyung. She did nothing wrong.”

Given how close their faces were, Seungcheol could see the tint of redness in his eyes and how puffy his eyelids were. His voice sounded hoarse, like he hadn’t drank a single drop of water. Noticing his stares, Jeonghan quickly walked towards the classroom door, head hung low.

“Sweetie, remember our date on Saturday! Love ya!”

_Of course that bitch would plan a date on Mingyu's birthday_

Jeonghan didn’t seem to hear Kyulkyung calling out to him as he slipped into the classroom and sat down quietly. The girl rolled her eyes and faced the girls next to her, muttering under her breath.

“What an asshole.”


	22. Seungcheol pt7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they fight, and they make up, just as friends do *cough*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No references this time!
> 
> Sorry for being late to update, work has been hectic
> 
> Kudos to silverdoll14 for editing again!

After the morning lessons ended, Seungcheol pulled Joshua along to confront Jeonghan about his current state. The American boy was more than willing to dig out an answer from their friend, after spending the whole of Korean History burning his eyes into the side of Jeonghan’s head. (Things were much worse than he had anticipated if Jeonghan didn’t even respond to his seatmate’s glares.)

Worried was an understatement for them. They were worried to death. While Joshua was barely holding in the tears that threatened to fall ever since he overheard the ‘fight’ Seungcheol got into with Kyulkyung from their class, Seungcheol was simply… angry. 

Angry at Kyulkyung for being so uncaring. Angry at Jeonghan letting such a girl toy with him. Angry at himself for failing to protect him.

That look he gave him outside their class. Red eyes, pale face, quivering lips… He never wanted Jeonghan to be in this state, he even made a promise to the heavens that Jeonghan would be happy no matter what. Yet here they were, searching the school for a boy that was probably hiding in the corner where no one could see him cry. As Joshua ran ahead of him to look into the music rooms, Seungcheol followed behind, gritting his teeth as he resisted the urge to scream. He was so angry, mostly at himself, for letting the whole thing get so bad.

If he had checked in a few more times and asked if he was alright. If he had noticed the change in his behaviour towards the others. If he had been braver to stop him from going out with Kyulkyung that day.

Would Jeonghan have been better without the girl he liked?

When they found him six minutes later, curled up behind a pillar in the concourse, Seungcheol could feel the air around him weigh down on his chest and shoulders. With his school blazer hanging off one shoulder, Jeonghan had his face hidden completely behind his hair, but that did not stop them from seeing his chin quiver through the gap above his shoulder. Hands gripping his ankles, one could barely make out the muffled whimpers coming from him.

His steps grew shorter and slower, as did Joshua’s. They didn’t dare to approach him like this, not when they knew Jeonghan would lash out at them and feel even worse after. They could only wait.

Ten minutes passed. Seungcheol still didn’t have the guts to walk up to Jeonghan.

Beside him, he heard a sob. He turned his head to look at Joshua, who had been standing slightly in front of him the whole time. Though he couldn’t see any part of his face, he could tell the tears had long started streaming down his face uncontrollably. Joshua was empathetic like that. He just couldn’t bear to see anyone cry, or he will cry as well.

The American student took a step forward. Jeonghan was quick to notice the sudden movement, so he snapped his head up and locked his eyes with them. First with Seungcheol, then with Joshua.

“Why are you here?”

Seungcheol froze on the spot when he heard him.

That voice wasn’t the same one he knew. There was no warmth or radiance in it, only a piercing coldness that could cut through his head and make him queasy. He had never heard him talk like this. Jeonghan was always filled with adoration and mischief, teasing classmates and comforting friends. When did it all disappear?

Joshua dropped to his knees, his expression equally in distress as Seungcheol was. Jeonghan immediately pushed himself back, pressing his back against the concrete pillar. (There was sadness and anger written all over his face, as well as… fear?)

“Don’t come any closer.”

The wet tear streaks on his cheeks glittered like tiny specks of gold, but Seungcheol immediately looked down at the floor tiles. He just couldn’t look at him when he knew Jeonghan was in so much pain. Joshua, on the other hand, reached out his hand to try to wipe the tears off his friend’s face.

“Jeonghan-ah... Don’t cry…”

Jeonghan slapped his hand away.

The shock coming from both of them was palpable. From the corner of his eyes, Seungcheol could see Joshua seated frozen on the spot, while Jeonghan kept his hand raised, eyes widened in surprise at his own reaction. It wasn’t too long before his eyebrows furrowed as he dropped his hand down by his side and faced away from them.

“Leave me alone.”

“Jeonghan, you need to talk to us. Tell us something… Anything…”

“There is nothing to say!”

Jeonghan’s hands were trembling so hard. (Seungcheol wanted nothing more than to hold them steady and soothe him.)

“You don’t have to hold it in. We are your friends. We will always…”

“Friends? What friends? Do friends talk behind someone’s back? Do friends insult someone’s girlfriend? If that is what friends are, I don’t want any.”

The long-haired boy glanced up at him for a split second, catching his attention, before looking down at his knees. 

Joshua wiped the tears from his face and moved closer to Jeonghan.

“Jeonghan-ah… Don’t shut us out…”

His sobs were getting louder, but Jeonghan didn’t look like he was going to soften any time soon. His reply was laced with even more malice this time.

“How could you guys do this to her? To me? Jihoon, Seungkwan, Mingyu… All of you… She doesn’t even dare to look for me in school, because she gets scared when she sees you. She hears all the things you say about her, you know.”

Seungcheol and Joshua were stunned to hear the words coming from Jeonghan.

Was this really how it was? 

Seungcheol knew their circle wasn’t the politest bunch. Jihoon and Chan could spew insults like a fountain, and people like Mingyu, Seungkwan and Minghao were too honest to be kind about their words, but that was nothing compared to the rest of the cohort. The horrible rumours that fly the fastest around school were never started by them: in fact, they had always kept their comments to themselves. Soonyoung and Seungkwan might have occasionally blabbed about how snobbish she seemed in front of Jeonghan, but he should know that the pair were joking and teasing him.

Even so, the thing that unsettled him the most was the way Jeonghan talked about Kyulkyung’s reaction. He said she was scared to approach them, but every time he saw her, she would either bump her shoulder painfully into his side as she passed by, or roll her eyes at him while muttering some nonsense to her clique of friends. Not once did she try to avoid him. Every time, without fail, she would walk straight up to them like a lioness prowling her territory.

Seeing that Joshua was in no state to talk, Seungcheol took a deep breath before speaking to the long-haired student.

“Jeonghan, we never insulted her in her face or spread any rumours about her. You know that we would never touch Kyulkyung if she meant so much to…”

“You’re the one to talk, Choi Seungcheol. Didn’t you fight with her in the morning?”

He did. He had confronted her and reacted violently. There was no excuse if doing so had hurt Kyulkyung in any way, but if he knew what happened, what she said…

“I fought her to protect you. Did you even hear what she said?”

Jeonghan froze for a moment, like he had been struck with a thought, before brushing it off and staring at him.

“Doesn’t… Doesn’t matter what she said. You could have hurt her.”

“Jeonghan, she was insulting you. She called you a…”

“It doesn’t fucking matter! She is my girlfriend. I…”

“Then… For fuck sake, leave her! Why do you still cling on to her?!”

“Because I like her! I like her a lot! That is all there is! I just like her, okay? Stop being so stubborn and… leave us alone!”

Jeonghan stopped screaming the moment the school bell rang to signal their next class. His chest was rising and falling quickly as he struggled to stand up on his feet, ignoring Joshua who was still seated on the floor in a daze. Seungcheol resisted the urge to run forward to hold him as he stood up, instead choosing to attend to his American friend. Squatting by his side, Seungcheol pulled out a packet of tissue from his back pocket to pass to Joshua. The latter trembled as he brought his hand up to grab the tissue.

Seungcheol noticed the shadow of his friend had yet to leave him, so he glanced up at Jeonghan, who stood there staring at the back of Joshua’s head. For a moment, he saw his hand flinch, as if he was desperate to console his seatmate, but nothing happened. Jeonghan clenched his fist and looked towards Seungcheol.

“Choi Seungcheol, you are the worst.”

Without a second glance, the long-haired student walked away. 

Long forgotten was the packet of strawberry milk lying in Seungcheol’s pocket, waiting to comfort a dear friend who had already disappeared up the flight of stairs.

~~~

The shift in energy within their group of friends was obvious. 

It wasn’t just the increasingly widened gap between Jeonghan and the rest of them: Seungcheol could feel everyone walking on eggshells around him and Joshua. For the past week, they hesitated to approach them, took longer to think about their replies, and gave them terrified glances every few minutes. As though they were watching two bombs that were mere seconds away from exploding. Seungkwan flinched a couple of times when Seungcheol turned around to answer his question in class. Hansol muttered ‘I am sorry’ repeatedly in English whenever he crossed paths with Joshua. Seokmin and Junhui told fewer and fewer jokes as days passed, and the normally talkative Mingyu barely spoke a word at lunch.

Seungcheol honestly felt bad. If they hadn’t overheard the argument between him and Jeonghan, they wouldn’t be acting this way. They would still be fretting over the latter and checking in on him to figure out his recent absence. But now they knew. He had given them more trouble than he should.

As their English teacher left the class, Seungcheol got up from his seat and started heading towards the door.

“Hyung!”

Seungcheol whipped around to find Hansol quivering in front of the whiteboard, keeping his head down as he muttered another string of apologies.

(He should start getting rid of his resting bitch face if he didn’t want to scare all his friends away.)

“What is it?”

“Where… I was wondering where you were going. I wanted to go practice with you.”

Right, they had an outdoor match coming up soon. He was supposed to join Wonwoo, Mingyu and Hansol at the court after class to train. The stress was getting to him bad.

“Ah, okay. I’ll go there once I buy my stuff.”

“Are you buying food for Jeonghan again?”

Seungcheol paused at the doorway.

“What did you say?”

Hansol stuttered as he replied.

“I mean… You always go out to buy the chilli oil mandu and pack it back for Jeonghan… right? Like, you leave it… on his table… Maybe it's not for him? What am I saying it’s not his right?”

Hansol couldn’t be more correct.

Seungcheol didn’t know why he still went out to buy food for Jeonghan. He couldn’t take spice, yet he always ordered chilli oil mandu whenever he stopped by to grab lunch before practice or cram lessons. Old habits die hard, they say. He couldn’t remember a single time he came to this shop without a familiar angelic voice by his side begging the ajumma to add more chilli for free. Since it was already bought, might as well pass it to someone who will eat it, like Jeonghan. It was better than wasting his order and obviously the right thing to do. (Why else would he give a guy he fought with lunch every other day? It wasn’t like he cared if he starved.)

But he made sure to do so when he knew the other was out of class—just throw the plastic bag onto Jeonghan’s table, grab his bag, and leave the class. No matter what, he just could see him.

After the fight, he had never felt worse in his life. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t focus in class. Just one look at Jeonghan, who would promptly turn away whenever their eyes met, made the squeezing pain in his heart more agonising. The only way he knew how to let it become more tolerable was to completely avoid him, like what Jeonghan was doing to them now. Pretend he never existed, as if he had never saw a long-haired boy cutting a tie during matriculation. Secretly passing him mandu was not helping at all.

Yet he still does it, as a pathetic fool would.

_“Choi Seungcheol, you are the worst.”_

Seungcheol grunted as he retrieved his wallet from his pocket to check the amount he brought. 20,000 won, just enough to buy two boxes, one for Jeonghan and an extra one for himself.

“It’s for him, you are not wrong. Why do you ask?”

“Aren’t you guys on bad terms? I saw you two arguing and… he barely even talks to us anymore.”

Seungcheol sighed and turned around to face the younger boy.

“That’s why I have to remind him we still exist and he can’t run from us forever. That brat thinks that if he avoids me, he can do whatever he wants. I know better than to let him starve until dinner.”

“You know me too well, Choi Seungcheol.”

Both of them turned around to look at the source of the voice.

“Jeonghan… Why…”

“You wanted to buy chilli oil mandu for me right? Well, let’s go.”

Jeonghan turned and walked down the corridor. Though confused and still upset over the argument from last week, Seungcheol followed him closely behind. 

Hansol was left alone in the classroom, wondering what on earth happened eight seconds ago.

~~~

“Ah, shit. It’s too hot.”

“Who asked you to share my mandu? You know your spice tolerance is horrible.”

“I am paying, so I do what I want.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and stuffed another mandu in his mouth. Seungcheol continued to fan his mouth as the sting of the spice barely started to lessen. 

To any stranger, the two of them looked like close friends enjoying a simple meal at a small nameless shop not known by many. Even if you saw how they haven’t looked at each other for the past 15 minutes, you wouldn’t suspect a thing, given how their conversations flowed so easily and endlessly. The store owner was nothing but elated when Jeonghan came to greet her and asked about his absence the past week. The long-haired student only gave her smile and mumbled something about not feeling well.

In effort to ease his own discomfort, Seungcheol glanced at his surroundings, hoping to find something or someone interesting enough to distract him from the boy eating beside him. Down the street, there was a group of three girls chatting excitedly among themselves. One of the girls made a comment he couldn’t hear, which caused the others to whine and hit her playfully. (Much like how Jeonghan would make hilariously mean jokes about a passing student and Seungcheol would laugh as Joshua chided him.) Further away was a boy and a girl from their neighbouring school walking in their direction. As they got closer, he saw that they were holding hands. The girl was smiling as the guy talked, and its brightness reminded him of…

“Are you not going to talk about the fight at all?”

Seungcheol broke away from looking at the couple and turned to face Jeonghan, staring below his face. His box was empty and thrown to the side, the crimson remnants of chilli colouring the insides. It was then he realised that he had finished his own food too, after his chopstick failed to pick up any pieces of mandu. 

There was no escaping this topic now.

“Let’s not…”

“No. Let’s talk. I want to talk. Don’t you?”

Seungcheol kept his gaze down. He knew that if he looked at Jeonghan in the eye, he will become scared. He would run away and that would be the end of everything. This lunch was a sign he hadn’t completely lost his friend, so he couldn’t…

“I’ll just clear the area. We should head back soon as well.”

“Just for a minute. Maybe 30 seconds...”

Seungcheol grabbed both their empty containers, as well as the pieces of tissue and plastic wrapping, and walked towards the trash bin. After throwing them, he went back and picked up his wallet and phone. Jeonghan then reached his hand out and held his wrist.

“Seungcheol, look at me. Please.”

It was the small crack in his voice that made him look up.

Now that he was staring at him, he finally saw the state that he was in. Dark eyebags, messy ponytail, badge missing, collar unbuttoned. Jeonghan looked like he had been through hell, one that was worse than his. He was always neat and tidy, and prided his haircare above anything else, so seeing him turn out like this was gut-wrenching. Seungcheol could already taste the guilt stuck in his throat. The past week was torture for him, losing his closest confidant, so how much did his dear Jeonghan had to suffer to look so sad?

“Seungcheol-ah, I am sorry. I said mean things to you. No, horrible, horrible things to you. I can’t take them back, but I am so sorry.”

As Jeonghan started rubbing circles around his knuckles, Seungcheol couldn’t find any words to respond. The former took his silence as a sign to continue.

“In the past week or so, I was a little… caught up with something. I neglected my friends, I neglected my girlfriend, but I neglected you the most. I saw all the missed calls and texts and… I am sorry I didn’t reply. I made you worried for nothing, huh?”

Both of Jeonghan’s hands were now massaging the back of his hand, holding onto him tightly like a lifeline. Seungcheol was sure Jeonghan didn’t know how hard his grip was. To Seungcheol, it was evident that his friend had something else weighing down on him that he wasn’t telling. 

Jeonghan began to lower his head as he continued to speak.

“You were just trying to take care of me and make sure I was okay. I shouldn’t have thought… thought that you were trying to hurt her. I am so stupid… Why do I keep screwing up? Why can’t I get a single thing right? First her, now this…”

Seungcheol took the chance to grab onto one of Jeonghan’s hands. Startled, the latter looked up, searching his face, and then looked back at his hand. In response, Seungcheol held his hand tighter, squeezing it softly.

“Let’s head back. You have an elective in 10 minutes.”

Pulling him up from his seat, the two started walking up the street towards their school.

“You can start by apologising to Joshua later when you meet him in class, then Seokmin and Chan, then the rest. Buy Mingyu something as well. You didn’t come last saturday and he was trying to call you but you didn’t pick up. Don’t be stingy and give him a straw or a wrapper again. I…”

“Ya, stop being so naggy, Cheollie. My brain might combust with all the information you are telling me.”

“Yet you can remember everything Seon Kyung said a month ago, word for word, when you argued with her in front of our teacher?”

Jeonghan stifled a laugh and started walking faster to catch up to Seungcheol’s longer strides.

The whole way to school, Seungcheol refused to let go of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan-ah... when will you see that Seungcheol is a total bf material... You are running out of excuses for her eheh
> 
> Also I saw somewhere that Seungcheol's love language was acts of service and Jeonghan's is affection (vocally and physically) so here is that :)
> 
> Why do I think the Seungcheol part will span half the fanfic? I recently reread my entire work and found like 3 extra parts that I have to explain in Seungcheol's long ass recall... i promise it will be worth (i hope)
> 
> Am I dragging this too long? I have no organisation and planning :(


	23. Seungcheol pt8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol witnessed Jeonghan at his worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out Jihoon pt4 for the referenced flashback!

There was one thing everyone admired about Jeonghan: his fearlessness. 

Not the stupid, run head first into danger kind. That would be the job of their resident devil-in-training Lee Chan. Jeonghan was one to do as he pleased, yet his actions were well planned and executed, and he bore no guilt at the consequences as long as it had been expected. He had the tactic, he had the charm, and he had the confidence. As someone had once said, Jeonghan’s aura was that of a lion guarding its den.

Others said that Seungcheol was the leader of the Seventeen group, but he begged to differ. Despite his outward appearance, he settled things in a more pacifistic manner, choosing to talk it out or apologise if it meant not escalating the issue. Jeonghan, on the other hand, wouldn’t hesitate to leap into a fight to protect one of his own, and usually it meant that he would come out as the ‘victor’ as the other trudged away with a broken ego. He was the first to defend Seungkwan and Hansol when they got teased for their looks. He argued with a teacher when she mumbled an insult at Minghao when he couldn’t remember the word ‘Danmuji’ due to his poor Korean. He saved Seokmin from getting used by a senior who pretended she had family problems and had no money. If there were anyone deserving of the name ‘Leader’, it would be Jeonghan.

So it wasn’t surprising that in the morning, Seungcheol found Jeonghan smiling menacingly at his phone screen. His face confirmed every dreading suspicion in his head.

They had talked about it yesterday, with Seungcheol and Joshua desperately trying to convince Jeonghan that there had to be a less aggressive way of handling the bullies, and the latter stubbornly refusing to back out as his fingers typed busily on his computer. They knew that he wouldn’t stop once the idea was lodged deep into his head, but they had to try. 

But of course, it didn’t work.

“Jeonghan, just talk to them instead. They are scared of you, right? I am sure they will listen if you tell them to stop.”

“They will just forget my words and go back to hurting them, Joshua. They need a proper lesson. Something up their lane.”

“But must it be like this? Hacking into their SNS accounts and humiliating them? Isn’t that cyber-bullying?”

“Seungcheol-ah, its not bullying if they did it to us first. It’s called retaliation. Serves them right for posting a hoard of insults and mean comments on Seungkwan’s account.”

“Hannie, just think about it first…”

“I thought about it, I still think I should do it. I have to protect my friends.”

“I know but…”

“Maybe you should try that too sometimes, fighting for people you love.”

Seungcheol scoffed as he turned his attention to his phone, resigned to letting Jeonghan go through with his plan. Joshua’s persistent attempt to dissuade their friend continued to fall on deaf ears, and frankly, Seungcheol wasn’t listening either. Those last few words struck a little too close to home. 

In the past months, Seungcheol had done nothing but fight to protect Jeonghan, to the best of his ability and what Kyulkyung was willing to let him interfere. He saw how far their relationship was from healthy, even if neither of them acknowledged it, yet he knew he couldn’t simply carry Jeonghan over his shoulders and run away from everything that had been hurting him. Other than forcing him to attend gatherings with the group rather than another date with Kyulkyung, and keeping him distracted with video games and project work, there was no other way he could keep him out of harm’s way. Especially when he would willingingly walk back into the crocodile’s open jaws. Jeonghan wanted this relationship, and he still did, so as his friend, what else could he have done other than let the long-haired boy spill his deepest anxieties and painful experiences to him through late-night calls and early morning meetings before homeroom. To shoulder the emotional burden with him so that he may not crumble under its back-breaking weight. 

Seungcheol was fighting harder than anyone, for a person he loved for so long.

Sometimes he wondered if he should just accept that the battle would only end in Kyulkyung’s victory. But he wasn’t about to lose someone so precious to him that easily. Jeonghan already proved to him that every one of his friends was worth fighting for, so what excuse did he have to stop protecting someone he loved.

And that someone had just looked up from his phone.

“Cheollie! I didn’t see you there!”

Hearing his voice caused his mouth to stretch into a wide smile. The response was almost automatic at this point: he couldn’t keep a straight face even if forced to. Thankfully, Jeonghan smiled back as well, though albeit mischievously.

“It isn’t even 7.30am yet and you are already so energised? Where is the lazy Jeonghan that I know of?”

“Quit teasing me. You would be smiling too if you saw the comments on those posts.”

Seungcheol whipped out his phone and checked his SNS. Sure enough, the long chain of comments laughing at the hacked tweets were pretty amusing. Even if he didn’t know the people who were hacked, he would still have taken great joy in reading the string of messages poking fun at them and their ‘tweets’.

Suddenly, he heard the students around him start to whisper among themselves.

“See? Told you it would work.”

Seungcheol looked up from his phone and spotted three guys and a girl huddling close to each other as they slowly made their way to their lockers. The four of them didn’t dare to look around them. They could most definitely feel the dozens of pairs of eyes staring at them like visitors at a zoo exhibit. Jeonghan kept his eyes on the students as they scrambled into their classroom, a satisfied grin plastered on his face. Seungcheol saw his expression, and broke into a small smile as he shoved his books into the locker.

If he knew what would happen later that day, he would have done something at that moment. Talk to those students. Find a way to quell their desire for revenge against Jeonghan. Apologise and grovel if he had to. 

If he had known, he would have done more to protect Jeonghan.

The four of them came by their class just as the end-of-class bell went off, when half the class had already rushed out of the room. The other half, including Jeonghan, were finishing up the last page of the math homework assigned. The dark look on their faces were not to be missed, but if he had stared down a little more, he would have noticed the label on the bottle they were holding.

He was there to witness it, but he wasn’t close enough to stop it when he realised what was about to happen. Standing at the classroom doorway, he watched as they closed in onto Jeonghan, who was still unaware of their looming presence. The bottle of transparent super glue was placed right above his head, and as it was tilted down to let the viscous liquid drip onto the unsuspecting victim’s head, Jeonghan leaned forward slightly to reach for something at Chan’s table. Just in time to barely avoid the superglue. But there was still no escaping the mess.

The superglue spilled all over the back of his neck, right onto the back of his shirt and the ends of his long hair. The sudden, cool sensation on his body shocked Jeonghan into standing. Amused, the four of them started hollering and cheering. He reached behind his neck to remove the glue, to no avail, before the slow realisation of the nature of the liquid on his neck, and how his hair was becoming painfully stuck, sunk into his mind. Staring at the bits of superglue stuck on his fingers, then at the perpetrators laughing at his shocked expression, his face went pale and his eyes started to lose focus, as if he were about to faint at any moment. 

The last thing Seungcheol could remember distinctly was the horrified expression on the rest of his friends’ faces and Jeonghan’s hand shaking and clenching in anger.

~~~

An hour later, in the discipline master’s office, he was asked to explain what had happened in class. Why had he punched two students and caused one of the windows to be smashed. 

Seungcheol could only describe it as seeing red. Blood red.

It wasn’t like he purposely chose to attack them. Jeonghan would have done so himself if Joshua hadn’t grabbed his arms and dragged him halfway across the classroom. Seungcheol knew fighting wasn’t the answer. It never was. But somewhere far back in his head, a devil-like creature took over the reins and whispered into his subconscious.

Don’t their faces look so punchable right now?

Before any rational thought could stop him, he found himself sprinting towards the four students. Without a second thought, he swung his right arm straight into the face of the guy holding the empty bottle of superglue, and the crack of his fist coming into contact with his cheek resonated throughout the classroom. The guy fell back a meter away from where he was standing. He tried to warn his friend, but with the stinging pain in his jaw, he could barely let a word out as Seungcheol turned and threw his left fist into the other guy’s nose. Those two punches gave the other two unharmed students enough time to scramble out of the classroom, screaming for help.

Lying on the floor, the two guys could barely find the strength to make a run for it as Seungcheol closed in onto them. The abrasions on his knuckles were starting to bleed a little, but he couldn’t remember feeling any pain. Seungcheol was sure his friends were calling out to him to ask him to stop, but he didn’t remember hearing anything. All he saw was those two desperately pushing themselves further and further into the corner, mumbling their half-hearted apologies as they looked around, trying to find help.

If not for Mingyu holding him down by the waist and Hansol standing in front of him, shielding the two students, he couldn’t imagine what he could have done. 

The discipline master had let him off with a stern warning, choosing to believe that the four students had been the main perpetrators and instigators of the fight. Seungcheol knew that he was just too scared to send another student from their cohort into detention. (The discipline master cared too much about school image to give proper punishments.)

As Seungcheol dragged his feet out of the office, he saw Joshua standing by the corridor with his arms crossed. When the latter heard the door of the discipline master’s office close shut, he lifted his head and looked at him.

“Seungcheol, what took you so long? How could you punch those kids? I would have stopped you if I wasn’t busy holding back Jeonghan. How… Argh...”

Seungcheol shrugged and kept walking.

“I don’t know. Maybe those guys deserved to have some sense knocked into their heads.”

“You and Jeonghan… I can’t believe you two…”

As the two of them made their way back to the classroom, Seungcheol noticed that Jeonghan’s bag was still in class, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Where did Jeonghan go?”

“Sick Bay. All the superglue got onto his hair and shirt... They had to cut off his hair to remove the shirt.”

“Is he alright though? Is he hurt?”

Joshua sat himself down and started packing his books into his bag.

“Alright is the last thing he is right now. He was humiliated in front of everyone by that living personification of a succubus, even I wouldn’t dare show my face around...”

Seungcheol froze when he heard Joshua’s words.

“Kyulkyung…?”

“If I ever hear her stupid squeaky laugh again, I’ll rip her hair out and shove it down her throat.”

Joshua was almost trembling with anger at this point, ignoring his half-opened bag on the floor as he bit his lips and stared at the clean whiteboard in front of him. Seungcheol didn’t wait to let the anger rise up in him again. Throwing his bag onto the floor, he ran out of the class and down the corridor.

It took him a minute to find her, at the corner near the janitor’s closet, far from any classroom and most of the other facilities.

Kyulkyung had her back turned towards him, so Seungcheol couldn’t see her face. But her arms were crossed, so it couldn’t have been a sign that she was in a good mood. Right in front of her was a guy he almost couldn’t recognise. Standing with his hands on her shoulders, Jeonghan was talking to her in a hushed tone as if trying to placate her. His hair was a lot shorter now, styled in a choppy bob that barely reaching past his chin. 

Without the extra length, Seungcheol could see Jeonghan’s face very clearly from where he was standing — beautiful, gentle eyes and pretty cheekbones now exposed and put on display. Yet his lips were curved down as the words from his mouth began to sound more desperate and pleading. His eyes glistened with fresh tears threatening to fall. He remembered this look. Just like that day they had that fight. The hurt expression Jeonghan had worn back then was once again returned to his face. Seungcheol felt a stabbing pain in his chest and he brought his hand up to press against the area, cursing at the memory of that day.

He failed again.

He promised him happiness, but there he was, fighting yet another battle that could only result in his suffering.

“Kyungie… I’ll fix everything, okay? Just let me fix this. I’m sorry. I was wrong, you were right, yeah? It’s my fault. It’s always my fault. Stupid mouth, why did you say those things… I didn’t mean it. I am sorry…”

Kyulkyung slapped his hands away from her shoulder and started shouting.

“You mean you didn’t mean it when you said you were tired of me? Weren’t you the one who chased after me? You wanted me, so I gave in, now look what you did!”

Jeonghan was startled by her voice and tried to calm her down by grabbing her flailing arms and holding it down by her side. She wrestling against his grip, grunting as Jeonghan continued to speak in a softer tone. Even from where he was standing, Seungcheol could hear his breath hitch as he stuttered out his words. The pained crack in his voice sent waves of despair down Seungcheol’s spine upon hearing him.

“I still love you, Kyungie… I…”

“First you hacked into MY FRIENDS’ accounts and you got them hurt. Are you gonna pay for their injuries? Then you used this as a stupid excuse to turn yourself into… whatever look you were going for with this. You dare to walk around school like a mushroom? Now you come to me whining and complaining and you actually told me you were sick of me?”

Kyulkyung’s screams were getting louder and louder with every sentence. The annoyance and anger was like a gunshot to the face every time she spoke, and Jeonghan, standing on the receiving end, was evidently struggling to maintain his ‘calm’ mask. It was like watching it shatter bit by bit, pieces falling to the ground as time passed. His hands were shaking as he bit his lips while listening to her shouts.

“I was just trying to… I just wanted someone to listen… The glue… Kyungie, please don’t break up with me here. I need you.”

Jeonghan was about to say something else when Kyulkyung pulled her right hand out and swung it right at his face.

The slap echoed loudly down the corridor.

Seungcheol couldn’t even move an inch from where he was standing, despite the burning desire at the back of his head to run up to Jeonghan and pull him away. The sight shocked him beyond comprehension. 

Holding his cheek with both hands, Jeonghan looked up slightly at Kyulkyung. The girl wiped her hand on her skirt before speaking again, this time in a deep, harsh tone.

“I can’t go out with a pathetic looking guy like you. At least before you had looks, but now you are just sad. We’re done. And don’t even think about calling or texting I’m blocking you, you freak.”

She turned and walked away, down the corridor, and passing Seungcheol who remained hidden behind the wall. 

After a few seconds passed, Seungcheol made sure Kyulkyung had completely left before stepping out of his hiding spot to find Jeonghan. He was met with the sight of his friend crouched on the floor, head burrowed in his knees. He had not even taken a single step closer to him when he heard the first cry. A muffled wail coming from right in front of him. 

Seungcheol couldn’t move. 

The cries got louder, as Jeonghan gripped his ankle tightly and fell back to sit on the floor. Seeing him so vulnerable and hurt, it was foreign to him. Seungcheol had talked Jeonghan through many crises in his school life, especially his seemingly increasing list of worries and self-deprecating thoughts from his relationship, yet out of all of them, he had never seen him look this broken. In his eyes, Seungcheol could see thousands of diamond shards scattered around, calling him to pick them up and put them back together as he always did. But he could not this time. He didn’t think he could. He feared his hands and words were not enough to save every last bit.

Jeonghan kept on crying, even as the school bell rang across the school, signalling the end of the senior classes. He didn’t look like he was going to be okay any time soon. The fight and the crying would have sapped all his energy. 

Seungcheol looked around at the diamond shards again.

He needed to start somewhere.

Finally, the boy took a step forward. Wrapping his arms around him, Jeonghan didn’t look up to see who was hugging him. He knew who it was. Hearing the steady breathing from the other, Jeonghan choked into a soft whimper instead. The cries no longer echoed the corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy CNY to all chinese readers. Hope the china members can celebrate it with their parents (virtually of course).
> 
> Stream Jun's album when it's out!!


	24. Seungcheol pt9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon gives Jeonghan flowers, or was it Seungcheol?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can look at Jihoon part 4 for reference as to what happened
> 
> Thanks silverdoll14 for helping me edit part of it and for dealing with my erratic writing periods

The next day, Jeonghan looked like he became a zombie. Not alive, but still breathing and walking around like nothing had changed. His snide remarks and clever jokes still filled the class with energy, but his friends knew better. Every attempt to laugh and smile seemed unnatural (like he was having a yearbook photoshoot every time he showed teeth). It irked Seungcheol in a weird way, seeing him try so hard to pretend he was fine when everyone, literally everyone in the cohort who heard about the breakup, knew he should be nothing close to being okay. Hearing Jeonghan pretend to be interested to chat with Mingyu distracted him so badly he almost forgot to hand up his homework.

Seungcheol could imagine how much it was affecting the rest of them. Joshua had been checking on him every few minutes like he was inspecting a delicate specimen. From behind him, Seungkwan and Hansol were whispering something about Jeonghan, and though he could not make out what they were saying, he could hear the concern laced in their conversation. Jun and Minghao too, talking to each other while giving side glances towards Jeonghan at the other corner of the class. 

By lunch, they had given up on being secretive about their worries and started showering him with their care. Mingyu offered to buy his lunch, Wonwoo tried to pull him aside to talk, and Seokmin stuck close to him during their meal. Even Jihoon, who barely spoke in class, wanted to talk to Jeonghan, but Seungcheol shook his hand to discourage him. They tried not to be too direct with their approach. Of all the things he needed right now, 12 anxious teenagers pulling him in every direction was the last thing on that list.

Even then, their presence must have still been too overwhelming, because Jeonghan got up and left the moment his bowl of rice was finished.

Now Seungcheol sat at his table, staring at the boy as he laid his head on the table, resting. He was already asleep when he had come in, so he made sure to pack his bag as quietly as he could. 

Seungcheol stared closely at his face.

There were no tear streaks or redness around his eyes, and his muscles were relaxed. In his head, Seungcheol was beyond relieved. At least Jeonghan wasn’t crying himself to sleep. But he remembered how troubled he looked throughout the day when no one was looking at him. The event must still be fresh in his mind, and the pain was no doubt still aching in his heart.

Looking at the time, Seungcheol knew he had to catch the next bus if he wanted to reach home in time to help out his mom, so he swung his bag onto his shoulders. He wished he could have stayed until Jeonghan woke up to go back with him, but he had promised his mom. He would need time to himself, Seungcheol tried to reason, but every time Jeonghan caught his eye as he slid his textbooks into his bag, there was a small tug resisting him. Pushing him to give in and stay by his side.

A notification flashed across his phone screen. His mom was asking him how long he was going to take to reach home. 

There was really no avoiding chores after all.

Not even in the face of love.

Stealthily, Seungcheol crept out of his seat and made his way to the classroom door. Just as he turned the corner, he almost bumped into a small figure hiding behind the door. Jihoon didn’t seem to notice him, as he stood there unfazed and staring into the classroom.

“What are you doing there, Jihoon?”

“Shh!!!”

Jihoon turned to look at who had been talking to him, and was surprised to see Seungcheol with his school bag hanging from his left shoulder.

“Sorry it’s just…”

Seungcheol looked down at Jihoon’s hands. There was a small bouquet of lilacs, messily arranged yet beautiful. Seungcheol looked up at his face and traced his line of sight to Jeonghan. The realisation dawned upon him.

Jihoon… Likes Jeonghan?

In the past two years, Jihoon had never been the most sociable person. Like Wonwoo, he was a silent and sturdy presence in their group of 13. He did warm up to a few of them over time though: Soonyoung was his first friend and was closest to him, and he even started talking more often to Mingyu and Seungcheol after being grouped together in multiple school projects. To the rest however, he gave them his ‘tsundere’ face, cold and uptight despite Soonyoung’s insistence that the short boy cared for all of them deeply. He never noticed anything odd about his friend’s actions towards Jeonghan that could be discerned as a crush. They barely talked in the first place, despite being in the same club. Given how reclusive he was, it was impossible to tell, yet here he was standing right in front of him, a daring contender to Jeonghan’s heart

“Could you… Could you help me put these flowers at Jeonghan’s table? Just don’t wake him up or anything, er…”

Jihoon spotted a yellow post-it and a pen left on one of the tables. He grabbed them and quickly wrote a note. Together with the bouquet of flowers, he shoved them into the stunned Seungcheol’s hands and walked away.

Seungcheol looked down at the post-it in his hand. 

Written in a messy font were two words.

_“From Jihoon.”_

Short and simple, as expected from the boy. Whenever Jihoon had something to say, be it verbally or in written form, he was always straightforward and direct. (Not the most ideal for wooing crushes, but it had its charm.)

Placing the post-it down on the table, Seungcheol lifted the lilacs closer to his face. He noticed the rough tears at the bottom of the stem, evidence that they were not bought from a shop but plucked straight from the branches. He then recalled seeing a bunch of them growing in their school garden. The school grew a wide variety of plants, from common herbs used in culinary lessons, to decorative flowers like lilies and dahlias. Jeonghan loved to go there and smell the aromatic flowers as a form of relaxation, and Seungcheol would accompany him during their breaks. Though he was usually there for something other than the strong scent of lavenders and jasmines that hit his nose meters away from the garden entrance.

It wouldn’t be a surprise that Jihoon also knew how much Jeonghan liked these flowers. The whole class would have known anyways.

The lilacs were held together by a short strand of white twine string from their class book-binding project. The ends were fraying slightly, given how long ago the project was, but it nevertheless added to the warm feel of the bouquet.

Overall, the flowers Jihoon picked were stunning.

Seungcheol found himself staring at the bouquet, drawn to its subtle beauty. The flowers were pretty. The gift was simple. Yet, despite knowing how wrong it was, there was a small, stiffening squeeze in his heart. His eyes were taking in the loveliness of the petals, yet his mouth was set. No smiles, and not a single tint of gratefulness for Jihoon’s efforts.

In him, laid a dirty and ugly emotion he hated more so than ever.

Jealousy.

The feeling had never been as intense as this. When Jeonghan had talked to girls and boys who clearly showed signs of admiration or infatuation, Seungcheol let it slide from his mind and even teased his friend for the attention he was receiving. When Jeonghan was with that wretched Kyulkyung, he was upset and all, but their little routine of calling and texting each other never ended, so it eased his mind, and the fact that he had more pressing worries about Kyulkyung’s attitude also meant that there was little time to ponder about jealousy.

But with Jihoon, things were different. 

Jihoon was his friend, and one he came to learn a lot about in recent days. 

He was a great singer and musician, and his genius talents even transcended beyond the arts to, surprisingly, math. Though quiet, he was thoughtful and kind in many other ways, like how he would always help the dance quartet with their filming and staying back to help Seokmin with his work. And he was good-looking too. Almond eyes, cherry lips, button nose. Seungcheol had to admit he was envious of his natural handsome looks.

With all this, Seungcheol thought, Jihoon was nothing short of a perfect man. He even made the effort to get flowers for Jeonghan to comfort him. 

If Jeonghan had to choose, what would stop him from being with someone as good as Jihoon? In comparison, Seungcheol was just an average person, with average looks and skills. What did he have in him to compete?

He shouldn’t be jealous of him. 

If Jeonghan like him, he should be happy for them. For Jeonghan finding a good guy to be with, and for Jihoon to be with someone he liked. Jeonghan would be happy with him, and Seungcheol would have nothing to worry about. But the truth was, jealousy was a selfish feeling. It didn’t care about friendships or what was right. The heart just wanted what it wanted. And so, the jealousy rose up to Seungcheol’s ears and whispered into his mind:

What if you just woke him up and said that the lilacs were from him?

It wasn’t an impossible lie. Even though Jeonghan was sharp, he wouldn’t doubt his words. That was the amount of trust he had in him as a friend.

Seungcheol could imagine how impactful it would be on their relationship. Jeonghan would be surprised and happy to receive the bouquet. Seungcheol would talk to him and soothe his sorrows, and they will share a moment together, closer than ever. And maybe even closer than the title ‘friends’ would allow it… 

“Sorry…”

Just then, a muffled sob could be heard coming from Jeonghan. Seungcheol looked up from the flowers and post-it in his hand, worried that his friend had woken up from some nightmare. To his relief (or even more worry), Jeonghan still had his eyes shut and was sound asleep, but the small streams of light coming from the classroom window shone against the small tear that was beginning to trickle down the side of his face. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, as if he was thinking about something, and his fingers were tensing up. 

“Hngh… Need you… Sorry… ”

No doubt he was thinking about yesterday’s breakup. Kyulkyung’s words were ruthless and cruel. It would be impossible to forget or let go of what she told him right in his face.

Seungcheol bit his lips at the sight before him. 

Jeonghan was hurt. He needed comfort and consolation, no matter who it came from. And it would be wrong of him to take credit for something his friend did. Jihoon cared as much as he did and went out of his way to come up with this. As much as he wanted to switch out the post it and write his own name, he knew it wouldn’t do him any good.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t do anything to help.

Picking up the pen Jihoon had previously used, Seungcheol flipped the post-it and wrote down a few extra words.

_“Jeonghan-ah, don’t cry.  
Your kindness, love and bravery is far more beautiful  
Than any hair or any girl.” _

That’s so cheesy, he thought to himself. But every word was sincere and from the bottom of his heart. Above all, it was what Jeonghan needed to hear. That stubborn boy would probably ignore his words and wallow in pity for a few more days, but Seungcheol was sure that they will motivate him eventually and help him get back on his feet again.

Sticking the post-it onto the bouquet of lilacs, Seungcheol tiptoed towards Jeonghan, whose face had relaxed slightly from before. While the tension in his face was still there, it wasn’t as obvious now. That gave Seungcheol some relief, as he placed the bouquet right in front of his hand.

Just as the petals of the flower touched the table surface, Jeonghan shifted in his seat. Still holding on to the flowers, Seungcheol froze on the spot, scared that any movement would wake the sleeping student. After a few seconds, seeing no other movement, he gently left the bouquet on the table.

That was a close call. 

Seungcheol couldn’t imagine dealing with the questions Jeonghan would have asked if he had caught him putting down those flowers.

Quickly, he crept out of the classroom and down the corridor. 

The smell of the lilacs still lingered in his mind.

~~~  
**To Jeonghannie**

**Me:  
Feeling better?**

**Jeonghannie:  
You asked this at least 6 times in the last 24 hours**

**Me:  
Doesn’t hurt to check  
Answer the question  
You can’t avoid me**

**Jeonghannie:  
A little better  
Would still rather skip school and sleep the entire day**

**Me:  
Was that the sadness talking or the laziness?**

**Jeonghannie:  
Both**

**Me:  
Really, just stay home tomorrow  
I don’t want you to stress over homework ALONG with all this**

**Jeonghannie:  
I promised Channie I’ll follow him see the teacher about his assignment**

**Me:  
Chan was literally about to cry when he asked me if you were going to transfer school  
Because he could tell you were forcing yourself today and freaked out**

**Jeonghannie:  
I was that obvious? **

**Me:  
Yup**

**Jeonghannie:  
Then I just have to treat him to yoghurt tomorrow  
And suffocate him with my ‘nugu aegi’~**

**Me:  
Sounds to me you are feeling alot better than I had expected**

**Jeonghan:  
Hey!  
I don’t mope around all day  
I know when to let go**

**Me:  
Uh huh…**

**Jeonghannie:  
Stop judging me and my life choices  
I am the one going through a break up here**

**Me:  
My bad  
But seriously you sound alot better  
Did something good happen?**

**Jeonghannie:  
Jihoonie gave me flowers  
They are just  
Beautiful  
I love them**

**Me:  
Huh**

**Jeonghannie:  
I’ll show you in school tomorrow  
I pressed one of them into my phone case  
And its freaking gorgeous**

**Me:  
Was there anything else?**

**Jeonghannie:  
He wrote me a message  
It was so sweet  
But so cringey  
But I cried  
For real**

**Me:  
The infallible Yoon Jeonghan crying?  
I should have stayed back to see that**

**Jeonghannie:  
And speaking of which  
Ya!  
Why did you leave school so early!  
I wanted to take the train with you  
How could you abandon a heartbroken friend and let them find their own way home**

**Me:  
Is there a catch to this?  
Strawberry milk? Spicy mandu?**

**Jeonghannie:  
I was trying to be sincere  
But if you want to play it this way  
You still owe me a pack of chips**

**Me:  
Goddamnit **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if the quality just dropped. MIANHAE!!!
> 
> I had the worst week in my life and felt so shit I was ready to drop this entire fic bc i had no motivation to do anything  
> So here is a short one, I'll be sure to make the rest better  
> We are approaching the mingyu part and later their university life. Those two will be a bit faster bc i currently have no ideas on how to stretch it


	25. Seungcheol pt9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol and Jeonghan do everything to support each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't any reference this time so read it with ease! There is nothing too angsty or sad, just light-hearted moments!
> 
> Thanks silverdoll14 for editing the first half!

For many students in South Korea, senior year was the hardest, most mentally torturous time of one’s life. Going to more cram school, staying up to study, and worrying about the national exams: it was everyone’s routine for the whole year. It was as if a person’s life-and-death solely depended on the numbers next to the ‘400’ full score, quite literally. Every conversation revolved around how stressful studies were, and which topics might come out. Truthfully, Seungcheol wished more people would talk to him about something other than the national exams. The sound of ‘Suneung’ coming from his homeroom teacher’s mouth had already been etched too deep in his mind. He could even hear it in his sleep.

As some form of comfort however, there were two groups of people who blessed his ears with discussions about non-academic topics. His circle of friends, and his basketball team.

Seungcheol vaguely remembered his father complaining that his friends are a bunch of ‘no-good students with no-good futures’ since none of them attended cram schools. But it wasn’t their fault. Half of them couldn’t afford the high costs and the other half didn’t need them, looking at their current grades. His father even begged him to hang out with them less in his senior years and focus on his exam revision. (“I am not stopping you from hanging out with them. I just want you to study more, and by more I mean everyday. Basketball and noraebangs won’t guarantee your future but a good score will! ”)

Yet, his father’s nagging was quickly swept away from his mind whenever he saw them in school. They take the load off all the revising and memorising he did the night before with a simple ‘Good morning!’. With them, he could talk about the latest video game that was released, or a new Shinee music video that just dropped. None of them bothered him or reminded him about the pressure of scoring well in the national exams.

Sure, they still studied together after school, but it never felt suffocating to study with them, unlike when he sits at home alone and undisturbed. He enjoyed their energising presence, especially that of Jeonghan. The latter always brightened his day as long as he was there by his side.

But even so, senior year was still a tough year. 

Anyone in any country can agree.

Take away the exams, and you will have hoards of competitions, leadership opportunities, and school events lined up to be snatched left and right. No one can do without a good portfolio of extracurriculars, so even a simple basketball match has become a competitive factor for many. Seungcheol hated that that was what his club activities had become for half his team: a line of words on a long list of an application form. He, along with Mingyu, Wonwoo and Hansol, just wanted to play for the fun of it. Not compete for a trophy that would just end up as a sub point on that long list.

Jeonghan had a similar sentiment about his choir activities. Jihoon had been complaining how the rest of the club’s executive committee wanted to push the group for more regional competitions and appeal to perform at a few exhibitions in the city, which would overwhelm the members with countless, impossible deadlines. Even as the president, the small boy couldn’t put a word in to object the decision. Their desperation and the sheer number of members who agreed to the idea was too hard to overcome. Jeonghan had tried to defend Jihoon, saying that the club should prioritise the quality of their singing and perform at fewer events to give time for practice. Alas, the other members didn’t want to listen. All they cared was that every new competition they went to will add length to their achievements section of their university application.

Now, Seungcheol dreaded going to practice, knowing that the team was either fighting for a starting position or bribing the coach for one. He talked to Jeonghan before heading to practice, and his friend had the same reluctance as him. Seungkwan and Seokmin were going to cut practice, both frustrated at the tense atmosphere in the music room, and without their lead singers, the choir was going to have a hard time sounding half as good. (Jeonghan’s angelic voice would have been a perfect substitute, but Seungcheol bit his tongue and held back that comment.) This made Seungcheol recall how he had caught Mingyu trying to get Wonwoo to skip practice during their lunch break, which resulted in a good scolding from him before Wonwoo could even consider agreeing.

Trudging towards the basketball court, Seungcheol could make out the heavy thumping of balls bouncing on the court floor. He could see the dozens of tiny silhouettes dribbling in sync to the coach’s commands, all dressed in the school’s light blue jersey and their eyes trained on the balls in front of each of them. 

Seungcheol could make out the distinct figure of Hansol standing among the crowd, dribbling along with a huge pout on his face. Mingyu and Wonwoo are nowhere to be seen. Inside his head, he was already imagining the hundreds of ways he was going to torture them for skipping practice with the new, and very strict, coach.

“Ya! Choi Seungcheol! Why are you late this time?”

The coach yelled from the bench in the corner. (Of course that guy was not going to be warming up with the team, let alone remain standing.)

Seungcheol dropped his bag next to the lockers and pulled out his jersey from his bag.

“Sorry, Coach Joo. I’ll go change.”

“Ya! You little… Come back and explain yourself!”

There wasn’t anything to explain to him. Seungcheol simply lost the interest to attend club activities. What once was the best time of the day for him and his friends to play friendly matches became a routine of useless resistance training and drills.

With the qualifying rounds of the Seoul high school games just round the corner, the training was getting more intense, as everyone fought to show off their skills to ensure their place in the starting lineup. Seungcheol couldn’t be less bothered. He wasn’t planning to use his club activities as a university entrance ticket anyways.

After another five minutes of getting drilled by the coach for his tardiness and the truancy of his two friends, Seungcheol found himself doing circuit training with the rest of the team. A repeated pattern of push-ups, leg raises, lunges and laps around the school. It effectively did nothing to help improve the team chemistry and technique, yet they still had to spend almost an hour on the workout. Throughout the exercise, Hansol kept shooting him an exasperated look whenever the coach turned away from him, and Seungcheol knew that both of them felt far worse than what their faces could express. 

The only good thing though, was that today, Coach Joo was finally able to see the value of running small matches to train players in real-time match strategies. After what seemed like a month of begging from Mingyu, the coach relented. (Poor Mingyu was missing out on the golden opportunity he had been dying for.) He gave them a chance to play a little in the last 30 minutes of club activities, despite the fact that it would only be for five minutes per rotation. The downside was that the coach paused the game at least three times each round to nag at players about small details even the referee wouldn’t care about.

When Seungcheol and Hansol were up, there was a wave of concentration that flooded the team. All eyes were on them, staring like hawks preying on mice. 

He knew exactly why.

The round started off slow, with a few light passes around and no goals. It was only when Hansol got his hands on the ball when the game began to pick up pace. With a few quick and coordinated passes to Seungcheol, the Korean American landed the first score in a matter of seconds. 

Everyone else on the opposing team immediately began to zone in on them. The players on their side didn’t seem to quite care about their circumstances, choosing to pass among themselves (and lose the ball). Seungcheol knew that the others are completely useless to them now. That meant that Hansol could only work with him. If they wanted to keep playing, without the coach taking up their precious game time with nonsensical rants, they had to figure out how to manage a whole other team on their own. It would be difficult, but Seungcheol knew Hansol and himself better than anyone. Regardless of the situation, when it came to the sport they loved, they would give it their all.

Five minutes flew by as quickly as they came. The score on their side climbed up steadily, leaving a fair gap between them and the opponent. Everyone was beat, especially the two of them. Seungcheol could barely stand, and Hansol was already lying on the floor, panting like a dog. 

What surprised them most was how quiet Coach Joo was throughout the game. He just stood there, observing the game with the same intensity as the resting players watching on the sidelines. 

When the school bell finally rang to signal the end of club activities, Coach Joo stepped forward.

“Seungcheol, Hansol. You two bastards. Why have you been hiding this from me?”

The silence that came from them was partially due to the fact that they were too worn out to talk, but mostly because they had no clue what he was saying.

“I thought Coach Kim was joking when he said you two and those two absentees were good together. Hell, good is an understatement.”

Coach Joo shook his head and pinched his eyebrows.

“You two are in the starting line-up for all games from now on. Tell the other two to meet me tomorrow after their last lesson for a trial. And make sure you four don’t fall or do any stupid shit until the tournament. I will beat your ass for injuring yourselves.”

He turned to walk towards his clipboard and bag, signalling the end of training. No one said anything, but the attention was clearly on them now.

Seungcheol was too tired from the game to even remember half of what the coach said.

_Good… Start… Trial…_

_Tournament..._

~~~

It wasn’t surprising that all of his friends turned up to watch the qualifying match a month later. Half the cohort and a handful of juniors had turned up with light blue and pink banners to cheer on the team, chauffeured by a group of teachers who were seated at the very last row, so it was almost expected that they would be among the 150 students seated on the left of the court. 

Their support had been immensely uplifting. Seungcheol could see how Mingyu would run just a little faster whenever he heard Chan shout at him to ‘Move those long legs!’, or how Wonwoo became more alert as the familiar cheers (“Block them! Come on! You run faster for the bus than this!”) from the bleachers got louder with time. As sarcastic as they sounded, their energy pushed them steadily with every goal, and somehow, Seungcheol didn’t feel as tired as he had during training. The invigorated look in Mingyu, Wonwoo and Hansol’s eyes told the same story. Their cheers must be one reason why he felt so good during the match.

It wasn’t hard to spot their friends as well. During the breaks between rounds, Seungcheol had been able to quickly find them in the sea of Pledis students, for clear reasons. 

Minghao had designed flags for them to wave during the game, its bright colours catching his eyes every now and then during the game. Throughout the game, the nine of them were waving them furiously, shouting and cheering like a war cry that fuel the four of them playing. Given how boisterous the BooSeokSoon chaos trio were, they were also hands-down the loudest audience. Hansol even commented how he could hear Seungkwan’s distinct voice when he left to refill his water bottle at the back of the arena.

What made it easier for Seungcheol to spot them however, was the head of platinum blonde hair that stuck out like a sore thumb among all the other black and brown haired students. Seungcheol smiled a little to himself every time he saw that spot of off-white in the crowd waving at him from his seat.

The others must have been so shocked when they saw him before the game

Just last night, Jeonghan had turned up at his house to finish a pair-work assignment with his dark hair completely bleached. The colour was so strikingly white, it shone against the dim overhead lights along the corridor outside their house. Seungcheol took five seconds to figure out who was the unworldly beauty standing outside their door holding a computer in one hand. Even when he recognised the familiar shape of his eyes, nose and lips, Seungcheol couldn’t respond, as his attention kept going back up to the new wavy blonde hair on Jeonghan’s head.

“Like what you’re seeing?”

Only stuttered words came out of his mouth as he failed to come up with a decent reply. His head was running like a machine on overdrive, coming up with every possible thing he could say to not make himself sound stupid. Should he just lay down a simple ‘Looks good’, or elaborate more? Should he approach it differently and ask when he had dyed his hair? (Obviously this morning, since he had seen him yesterday and his hair was still dark brown. What a dumb question.) Or should he be his ‘Hyung’ self and pester him about dyeing his hair during the school term and on a Sunday of all days?

The one thought that was blaring the loudest in Seungcheol’s mind at that moment though, was how fucking gorgeous Jeonghan looked. Just absolutely stunning. Even words couldn’t properly describe how fast his heart was racing seeing him standing an arm’s length away from him and looking like he had stolen the body of an angel to match his voice. The only appropriate way to describe how he looked was the silence surrounding them as Seungcheol continued to stare with his mouth agape.

“Don’t come at me. I know our homeroom teacher, and possibly every other teacher in the school, will screw me over for dyeing my hair, but I needed something to liven things up. Senior year is already killing me inside.”

When Jeonghan realised that he wasn’t going to get any response from Seungcheol, he started fidgeting with the computer in his hand.

“”You aren’t saying anything. I don’t look… that bad, right?”

Seungcheol immediately snapped out of his trance.

“No, no… You look fine. Great, in fact.”

The glowing smile that instantly appeared on Jeonghan’s face took his breath away.

_Fuck, he looks even hotter now. How is that possible?_

They went inside and did their work, thankfully. Seungcheol didn’t know how he managed to even focus long enough on his work when Jeonghan was seated next to him, head lowered towards his computer, showing his entire head of hair to him. Adding the look of concentration and slightly hunched posture as he typed, Jeonghan looked too good to be seated in the messy bedroom of a normal 18 year old student.

“Tomorrow is your match right?”

Seungcheol brought his mind back just in time to formulate a reply.

“Yeah, at 4.30pm.”

“Then why did you agree to stay up to finish this? It’s not even due tomorrow! You should be resting.”

“Hannie, it’s not even that late, and we are finishing…”

Jeonghan stood up and slammed his computer shut.

“Nope, we are not doing this again. You know I am right, so get some rest. I’ll finish it for you if you are so anxious about it.”

“But…”

“No buts. See you at the match tomorrow!”

With that, Jeonghan pranced out the door and down the corridor, leaving Seungcheol still dazed from the sight of his back disappearing down the corner. 

The image of Jeonghan proved to be a huge distraction for him all night, and most of the next day, but at least his beautiful hair colour made him super obvious in the crowd during the game. All it took was one second to find Jeonghan, and he would be greeted with the sight of his friend waving his flags and cheering him on. It was all he needed to work a little harder during the game, resulting in their eventual win. 

After they thanked the other team, the thirteen of them headed to an odeng soup restaurant situated near the subway for dinner. When they left the arena, the sky had already started turning dark. They managed to reach the restaurant before the sky became pitch black, but there was another problem awaiting them. The odeng soup shop was smaller than they had anticipated. They completely took up the entire place, combining three tables into one just to accommodate their large group size, much to the annoyance, yet delight of the elderly store owners. (The ajussi running the store had to bring out an extra chair for them as well. Seungcheol repeatedly apologised for troubling him this way.) 

As they enjoyed their dinner, the conversation somehow shifted from the basketball games, towards another big event coming up.

“Jihoon, what is the choir performing this time?”

Jihoon, who barely looked up from his bowl of rice, replied.

“For the Art Showcase? Eyes, Nose, Lips by Taeyang.”

It was an all-time favourite, so it wasn’t a complete surprise that the club would pick such a popular song to sing for a school event. Seokmin continued to talk after Jihoon took another bite of the odeng.

“And I am gonna get a solo! The chorus! I get to sing the best part!”

“It hasn’t been decided yet. Besides, Jonghyun looked for me last week to talk about that piece too.”

As the two of them started bantering about the performance, with Joshua attempting to stop them from getting too loud, Seungcheol turned his head to talk to Jeonghan.

“Why are you so quiet all of the sudden?”

Jeonghan was startled when he realised the question was being directed to him. He whipped his head to face Seungcheol, his mouth still half-filled with the odeng and rice he just stuffed himself with. His puffed up cheeks and messy hair made him so irresistibly cute at that moment. Seungcheol had to force himself to not wander off thinking about how he wanted to ruffle his hair or poke his cheeks. (The second point might be a bad idea considering how Jeonghan might spit his food in surprise and cause a huge mess on himself.)

“Nothing… nothing…”

“Are you thinking about the Showcase?”

There was no response from him. Seungcheol decided to stop asking more questions, afraid that he might irritate Jeonghan when he was already so distracted.

Seungcheol knew that Jeonghan had been roped into helping organise the logistics and other knick-knacks for their performance, since Jihoon would be too busy working with Jonghyun to train the juniors. While it appeared that there wasn’t much to do for a simple five-minute song, Seungcheol had heard from others that things were not turning out as wonderfully as expected. 

The costumes have yet to be ordered since a few growing students could not find a good measurement, and the IT club refused to lend them the school microphones, demanding they seek permission from the principle first. Everyone knew how impossible it was to get anything signed or approved from Principal Park, since he barely looked though the student emails sent to him. In addition, Jihoon was tiring himself out by rearranging the ballad into a choir piece fit for 50 singers, half of which could not sing in harmony or in pitch, and Seokmin was getting more anxious day by day as he kept practicing the chorus. Jeonghan had busied himself fretting over worn out friends and troublesome technical issues, he didn’t even have time to walk home with him these past few days.

The hair dyeing might have also been a sign of his stress unknowingly overwhelming him to the point of doing something this impulsive. Seungcheol didn’t want to bring it up, but he knew the Showcase was destroying Jeonghan’s wellbeing. He needed a break, something longer than a quick dinner.

“How about we go watch a movie tomorrow? I heard there is a new thriller that came out last week.”

Jeonghan looked up from his food and stared at him in confusion. His thoughts were practically written all over his face: Why do you want to watch a movie all of the sudden? And on a school night? Did he not have to train for the next match? What about the logistics that were still not settled?

Yet the questions in his head seemed to die out as Seungcheol kept his eyes on him, waiting for a reply. The worry lines on his forehead vanished instantly.

“Sure, why not?”

Seungcheol couldn’t be happier to hear his answer.

So what if he was going to get scolded by Coach Joo? He would rather spend his time being with Jeonghan and taking care of him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do any of you realise that, compared to the first one, my chapters are getting longer? from over 2K to 3.6K wow  
> No wonder I take longer to finish now.


	26. Seungcheol pt 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the Art Showcase has some ups, and lots of downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is heavily based on the flashback in Mingyu pt 3! 
> 
> Thanks silverdoll14 for the beta, do support her work too!

If Seungcheol could have any superpower right now, he would desperately want teleportation. Or super speed. Or time manipulation.

Anything that can get him and his friends to the school in time to watch the choir performance.

He was sure similar thoughts were running through their heads as well, as the four of them sat in Hansol’s dad’s car in complete silence, with only the muted traffic noise cutting through the awkwardness in the car. From the rearview mirror, Seungcheol caught a glance of Mr Chwe looking back and forth at his son seated in the shotgun and the other three, Seungcheol, Mingyu and Wonwoo, squeezed at the back. The middle-aged man saw Seungcheol staring at him and quickly turned his attention back onto the road, though the brooding look never left his face.

With a sigh, Seungcheol leaned back onto the seat. A voice at the back of his head scolded him for touching the clean leather seats with his sweat soaked jersey, but he couldn’t be bothered to heed its advice. Things were already as bad as they could get, and no amount of distraction right now could ease his anxiety.

The day had been, objectively, the worst.

First, lessons were boring and hard to understand, especially with the summer heat still blasting through the windows and burning them alive, especially Seungcheol, who had the unfortunate luck of being the furthest away from all the fans. The classroom was practically steaming by the time the lunch bell rang, and the heat did nothing to help the basketball players with their energy. If anything, it drained almost every bit of their motivation to play basketball later. (Mingyu complained that if the assigned court for the finals was not air conditioned, or at least cooler in temperature than the sauna-like classroom, he was going to help himself to the medical office for heat stroke.)

Then, the choir members and the dance quartet left class early for their final rehearsal, leaving the four basketballers to sink further into their worries about the game later on, with no friends to bring up their spirits before and during the game. Out of all of them, Seungcheol knew he was the worst at coping with immense amounts of stress. He couldn’t even eat half his lunch with the anxiety eating away at his appetite, and that was only the tip of the iceberg of his crippling mental strength. If not for Jeonghan later calling him an hour before the game to check on him, he might have had to sit out of the games, something he really didn’t want to do.

And then, there was the actual game, the grand finals of the Seoul basketball high school games. The weight on their shoulders had started becoming heavier ever since their previous coach came back a few days ago to watch them train, and suddenly slipped in the memo that Pledis had once been a national champion. This year’s team will surely bring back our glory, he exclaimed with pride, but the players felt none of his excitement and kept a grave look on their face. The new knowledge seeped into their every throw and intercept, adding a new responsibility they weren’t prepared to bear.

Seungcheol wished he could blame their coach and his comment on their loss. That if he didn’t tell them about their school’s history of winning, then Hansol wouldn’t have missed three shots, and Mingyu wouldn’t have to sit out in the final quarter due to a dizzy spell, and Wonwoo wouldn’t have failed to make the right passes half the time. If he had not dropped the burden on their shoulders just days before the games, the team would have been more energised, less distracted and more ready. But the truth remained clear. They were never good enough to win the title, not when their opponent was the reigning champion.

They had trained so hard over the past months, just for a chance to win first place and clinch a spot in the Nationals, yet their efforts fell short just by those two points. They would graduate having never reclaimed their school’s title as the once-famous Shining Diamonds team. 

Seungcheol and Mingyu had cried their hearts out (like heartbroken female leads in K-dramas when someone died) as their juniors huddled them into a big group hug and cheered on the four of them. The sadness felt by everyone was palpable despite their broad smiles. The loss signalled the end of their time as high school basketball players. Vernon and Wonwoo smiled warmly at the two’s emotional outburst, even though glistening tears were visible along their eyes.

If Seungcheol could have any superpower right now, he would, more than anything, want better luck for the rest of the day (or night). They lost the game. There was no going back. So the only thing he really wished right now was to make it to the Showcase.

Now with the emotional rollercoaster of their final match long swept under the rug, the four of them were shaking in their seats with anxiety. Wonwoo had been so sure of himself when he kept saying that the game would overrun and they would not reach the school campus in time. 

Seungcheol was too scared to believe his words. No matter what, they had to see their friends perform the final song of their high school life. They had watched them practice hard after school and even on weekends and knew how much they had put into making this song extraordinary. 

The last thing they wanted to leave Pledis High with was the reminder that they failed to watch their friends sing and dance to the song they poured their souls into.

Suddenly, Mingyu sat up straight and asked Hansol’s dad a question.

“Mr Chwe, I am sorry to cause more trouble for you. I know we are already stinking up the car, but could we change into our uniforms right now? I… I don’t think we are gonna make it in time.”

It was then the other three remembered how dishevelled they looked. Skin sticky with remnants of hot sweat, and clothes reeking with the smell of Air Salonpas and grime. Wonwoo shot his childhood friend a stern look, as if telling him to take back his words and swallow them whole, but the determined look on Mingyu’s face was hard to break, even with Wonwoo’s influence.

Mr Chwe had not spoken a word about their disgusting appearances, focusing (somewhat) on driving as quickly as he could, so it was no wonder none of them did anything about it. Seungcheol was embarrassed to recall how he had failed to stop himself from leaning his sweaty body onto the car seat.

In response to Mingyu’s question, Mr Chwe gave him a small smile and calmly answered him.

“We will reach in 5 minutes, so do it quickly. I’ll drop you off at the main gate since it’s closer to the hall, I assume.”

The four of them thanked him frantically as they pulled out their school trousers and shirts from their bags. Despite the discomfort of the tight space, none of them complained as they pulled their grey pants over their sports shorts and white shirts over their light blue jersey. 

It wasn’t long before the clock tower of their school came to view. Once the car screeched to a stop outside the main gate, they leaped out of their seats and ran towards the hall. The ache in their muscles did not slow them down as they sprinted past billboards of drawings, tables of pottery and wandering students. His legs were screaming in pain by the time they made it to the hall, but their troubles did not stop there.

The place was packed with students, parents and teachers alike. There was almost no space for them anywhere near the front, where the rows of plastic chairs were filled with an engrossed audience watching the marching band perform on the stage with no empty seat in sight. 

Seungcheol cursed under his breath as he hurried past a few juniors standing at the sides filming the band’s performance, hoping to find a place closer to the stage for them to sit or stand. He saw Hansol run off to the other side of the hall, his eyes searching the crowd with the same intention. On the way, he spotted their homeroom teacher, Mr Han Sung Soo, seated near the centre and close to the front with a little girl next to him. The proud smile on his face was a rare sight, but Seungcheol didn’t have the luxury of the time to appreciate the sight.

“And that was the School’s marching band with their rendition of Cruel Angel’s Thesis from the Japanese animated show Evangelion. It was a stunning piece, wasn’t it? I saw many students out there clapping along to the melody as well!”

Seungcheol looked up to find the announcer at the podium, preparing to introduce the next act, which he knew was the choir and dance collaboration.

He didn’t have time.

Running to the back of the seats, Seungcheol found Mingyu and Wonwoo standing together with a worried look on their tired faces. Hansol came running towards them seconds later.

“Guys, I can’t find any seats in the hall. It’s so packed this year.”

“Even Mr Han came to watch. He brought his daughter along as well!”

Mingyu looked towards the front of the hall and frowned. 

“Since when did he even buy the tickets? That scrooge wouldn’t even pay for our class get-together lunch when he ate the most…”

That was when Seungcheol noticed the curtains shifting on stage. It must have been the choir setting up their microphones. 

The performance was going to start.

“Everyone shut up!”

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Vernon quickly stopped talking at the sound of Seungcheol’s strict ‘Dad’ voice. They bit their lips, and Seungcheol winced in embarrassment for shouting in the hall with everyone watching, but it was clear that no one could be bothered to care about his outburst when the curtains flew open and the announcer spoke again.

“For the first time, the School Choir is collaborating with our very own dance team, MoonWalker, for a well-loved song, Eyes, Nose, Lips, rearranged by Class 3-7’s Lee Jihoon.”

The cheers were so loud, Seungcheol flinched when he heard the crowd scream. He knew they were popular, but seeing the sight of half of the school clapping and shouting as the choir members slowly revealed themselves on stage with the dancers was refreshing. Mingyu, Wonwoo and Hansol were cheering excitedly beside him, their fatigue from the basketball match gone as the music began to play. Mingyu even took his phone out, eager to film the performance.

Seungcheol himself felt rejuvenated as well, when his eyes fell onto a certain singer on stage.

Jeonghan was standing right at the side, closest to the audience, dressed in a beautiful dark blue suit that matched the girls and the four dancers on stage. Compared to the rest of the choir, he looked like a shining star, with his gleaming smile instantly making everyone, including himself, swoon at the seraphic sight. (His platinum blonde hair might have been a huge factor as to how radiant he looked, but to Seungcheol, Jeonghan was far brighter than anyone else, even when not directly in the spotlight.)

Admiring his face, Seungcheol couldn’t help but smile in awe at him, not only for his appearance, but also in memory of all the days of hard work that went into the performance. Seungcheol remembered all the days Jeonghan went home after dark because he stayed back to train with Jonghyun. He remembered how the singer had lamented that his voice wasn’t nearly as powerful as Seokmin or Seungkwan’s, or as skilled as Jihoon, and how he had to practice twice as hard to even sound good enough for the part. He remembered getting a call one night where Jeonghan told him how the principal finally approved the club’s usage of the surround microphones and the arrangement was done on time for the rest to practice, letting all the stress seep out of his body with every word he spoke while half in tears.

All that was reflected in the elegance of the stage props so well designed that they made the rundown stage brand new, the amazing outfits handpicked by Jeonghan to make them stand out throughout the performance and the music resonating the hall perfectly.

The piano introduction softened as Joshua stepped forward, took a deep breath, and sang.

_“Don’t be sorry,  
That makes me more pitiful  
With your pretty red lips  
Please hurry, kill me and go  
I’m all right.”_

Jihoon was the next to come forward to sing.

_“Look at me one last time  
Smile like nothing’s wrong,  
So when I miss you, I can remember  
So I can draw your face in my mind.”_

Seungcheol could see the immense pride emanating from Jeonghan, as he watched his friends step forward to sing one by one. Like a mother would when she sees her child take their first step, or a brother when they attend their younger sibling’s graduation. No one would have been able to tell, but to the few who knew the singer well, the loving pride on his face was hard to miss. 

As Jihoon finished his last note, Jeonghan stepped in front and started singing.

All of the sudden, Seungcheol felt like he was falling in love again. (Was that even possible?) The sight made his heart skip a beat and sent shivers down his spine, just like when they were 17. Hearing his voice was like hearing the whispers of an angel, yet at the same time, it was as if a devil was holding his hand and guiding him towards the depths of hell with all the temptations and desires of the world.

_“Your eyes, nose, lips  
Your touch that used to touch me,  
To the ends of your fingertips  
I can still feel you  
But like a burnt out flame,  
Burnt and destroyed all of our love  
It hurts so much, but now  
I’ll call you a memory.”_

Seungcheol was just utterly entranced. The next singer, Seokmin, was already singing, yet he didn’t bat an eye at them. Even if the world had collapsed at that very second, he wouldn’t know. His eyes were only on Jeonghan...

Just then, a phone was shoved into Seungcheol’s hands. He turned around, completely taken aback, and saw Mingyu wearing a worried expression on his face.

“Keep recording it for me!”

Seungcheol stuttered, not knowing how to respond. Record what? Who? What happened? Before he could ask a single question, Mingyu already left him standing in the crowd alone with Hansol. He squeezed himself through the crowd and out the side door. Squinting, Seungcheol could make out the silhouette of Wonwoo running down the corridor. Both of them disappeared into the darkness.

Staring at the phone in his hand, Seungcheol looked at the screen. The recording was still running, so he raised his arm to continue filming the performance, earning a few muttered complaints from the shorter students he was blocking.

Somewhere between looking at Jeonghan and trying to get a good shot of the stage, Seungcheol never noticed how the camera had stayed on one single choir member for a whole minute before moving around the stage to film the rest of the singers. Only the Youtube comments that appeared days later gave him the embarrassing revelation.

~~~

At the end of the Art Showcase, the lights of the hall flickered to life, instantly lighting up the whole place as if it was day. The confetti mess all over the seats and the floor was now more than obvious with the glaring overhead lights exposing every single one of them. However, no one was bothered, instead swarming to the front of the hall to take pictures with the performers. The chatter was less lively now since everyone was tired, but the sheer number of people still gathered in the hall meant that the noise was just as overwhelming.

Everywhere, there were students taking selfies and group photos, holding fallen balloons and pamphlets as props. The performers stood out the most, with their merry coloured clothes and sparkling designs. Most of them still had their heavy makeup on, which was hilarious to look at up close. (Who knew blue eyeshadow was this funny?) What everyone had in common though, were the vivid smiles etched onto their faces.

It was a heart-warming sight, knowing that it would be the last time he would watch the Showcase as a student of Pledis High. Many of the performing seniors felt the same, as a few started tearing up or crying.

Like Seungkwan and Seokmin, for example.

“Seungkwannie, don’t cry… You did so well…”

“It’s over, Hansol. It’s really over…”

Through his sobs, Seungkwan barely managed to form any sentence longer than five words. Hansol’s attempts to sooth his crying friend barely had any effect, but it was still working better on him than the other boy in tears.

Chan was the unfortunate victim assigned unanimously to console Seokmin, to his reluctance.

“Hyung, you are making us look stupid. Stop clinging onto me. Your makeup, argh.”

“Channie~ You don’t love me anymore? *sniff* You… You danced so well, Channie… Hyung is… is proud~ *sniff*”

“Joshua hyung, please save me.”

“Nah, I need this kind of entertainment right now.”

Seungcheol looked around, trying to find the rest of his friends amidst the chaotic and messy crowd. Junhui and Minghao were happily chatting with a few of the other Chinese speaking students in their Cohort (Was it Kun? And Yanan?) Soonyoung was taking the time to soak up the newfound attention, taking hundreds of selfies with girls from a year below them and showing off his tiger paw pose, much to the annoyance of Jihoon who was standing by the side. Mingyu and Wonwoo were nowhere to be seen, owing to their sudden departure during the performance. And then…

Where is Jeonghan?

Seungcheol promptly ran out of the hall in search of his friend.

There couldn’t be many places that he could disappear to. The classrooms were locked and most of the lights on the other floors were too dark to navigate properly. After a thought, Seungcheol made his way towards the back of the hall. It was most likely that Jeonghan was still lounging around in the dressing room, avoiding the crowd and lazing around after a tiring Showcase.

His guess had been correct. 

There was light coming from the windows of the second room.

Just as he was about to walk up to the door though, he noticed two shadows coming out from within. One of the people, whom the shadow belongs to, had something big in their hands, almost like a bouquet. The conversation they were having was too soft to be heard from his current distance, so Seungcheol crept towards the room and hid behind the side of the doorframe. 

From their voices, Seungcheol could make out who was talking inside the room. The first person was Jeonghan. The other was one of their classmates, Hanjun.

“Jeonghan, you looked really pretty tonight.”

“Er, thanks?”

_He didn’t just look pretty. His voice was out of this world too! Don’t just compliment his face, say something about his singing!!_

“What is… all this?”

There was some confusion in Jeonghan’s voice, though tiredness was the more likely emotion, evident from the strain in his voice.

“Well, I didn’t know how to approach you at first, but the Art Showcase seemed like a good opportunity. So I bought you these flowers. Hope… hope you like them.”

Seungcheol heard some shuffling, then a long sigh from Jeonghan.

“Is… there… anything else?”

“I… I just wanted to tell you that I liked you. For a while now.”

Another sigh came from Jeonghan.

“I… Thanks for telling me, I guess. But… I'm not interested in dating right now. You are a good guy, so I hope you will find someone one day. I know it was probably hard to ask me out. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Thank you for the honesty. I will… probably need time to get over it. But you shouldn’t be sorry.”

Throughout the whole conversation, Seungcheol had been holding in his breath, not to stay quiet, but out of fear. 

While he knew it was impossible that Jeonghan would accept his confession, seeing that they almost never talked to each other in class, there was still a chance, a tiny chance, that Jeonghan would slip away from his hands and into the arms of another man. Jeonghan had wormed himself into Kyulkyung’s grasp over a year ago without Seungcheol knowing much about how it happened, so the possibility that Jeonghan would find himself with someone else was not zero. 

Jeonghan is pretty. Of course he would have suitors. Some with the potential to win his heart.

He should let Jeonghan find his own happiness, not hold him back possessively. He should accept the possibility that Jeonghan would find his perfect guy and leave him, and move on. But secretly, deep inside the crevices of his heart, Seungcheol celebrated the guy getting rejected. He was a good person, industrious and kind, and would have been good as a boyfriend, but all of these logic went out of the window as he smiled at the sight of the guy walking out of the room with his head down.

What Seungcheol didn’t know, however, was that this was not the last time he would feel like this, threatened by this possibility he was scared of and refused to completely accept, for the sake of his heart.

That was where it all went downhill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I go off tangent half the time? Yes. Do I regret doing that? No. But we can all appreciate how in love Seungcheol is ~~
> 
> Writing this brings back memories of my own time as a performer in my school. How I wish I could go back on my school stage and play the drums again.
> 
> I think we have another 2 or 3 chapters left of Seungcheol's super long retelling of his high school crush ahaha stay tuned

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! ilysm do leave a comment if you liked it :)


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